Fwiw, we're red shirting DS on the advice of his teachers and full support of his pediatrician. He had a mild speech delay as a toddler which his doctor believed caused a social delay. Although he has since caught up to his peers and has been discharged by his special ed teacher (and is "officially" encouraged to start K on time), everyone tells me privately that they think he'll be better off with another year to mature under his belt. Not everyone does it because of sports or what have you.
Our pediatrician, the director of our Montessori school, and every elementary school teacher I have spoken to about this issue have strongly advised us to red shirt our August DS despite no verbal, cognitive, or other delays. We don't care about sports, I am confident that DS would do fine academically in the older grade, and he is relatively big for his age and therefore looks like he could be older than he is. My only concern is social and emotional maturity. When I watch DS1 with kids a year older, it is apparent that he has a slightly harder time controlling his emotions, sitting still for extended periods, following certain social cues, etc. He has made huge gains on all those fronts in the past year, so I don't think they are issues that he has any particular struggles with--I think it's just age. I am hoping that a couple years of Montessori and starting public school at 7 rather than 5 (i.e., going straight into second grade) will allow him sufficient time to catch up on the social and emotional front, but I we will red shirt if we think it will ultimately benefit him.
You're not crazy. I definitely thought a lot about the timing. But at some point, I just wanted a healthy baby whenever I got one and you can't plan for everything.
I think all times of year have pros and cons. DD was born in November, which is also my birth month. I never liked having my birthday so close to Thanksgiving and Christmas. However, I loved having DD in November because then I was on maternity leave through the holidays, we got to snuggle indoors through the winter, and we'll always be with family to celebrate Thanksgiving and her birthday. You just never know what you mind end up liking or disliking about having a baby at a certain time of year.
I liked my February baby best. I was hugely pregnant in the cooler months which was nice, I didn't want to leave the house for about a month when she was born anyway so once i was ready to get out and go places it was late March/ early April and it was perfect walking weather- not too hot, not too cold. I had a great maternity leave in the spring plus summer was fun with a slightly older baby- she loved the beach and water
It is a tough decision. I'm envious that you have the Montessori option available to you Hens That sounds like an ideal way to handle it. DS's social delay was considered pretty mild and he was discharged after 6 months of services. We did have him evaluated by a dev pedi and he was the one who thought he'd eventually outgrow any problem behaviors.
He's a shy kid in general and it probably didn't help that he was slower to talk than a lot of his peers. Still, the progress that he's made in the last year has been enormous and I think it really will help his confidence level to give him the extra time. Thankfully, our preschool offers a sort of "in between" year for families in this situation.
But to get back to the OP - if you can, I would try to avoid having a late summer/early fall baby so you don't have to worry about any of this stuff. Best of luck!
Fwiw, we're red shirting DS on the advice of his teachers and full support of his pediatrician. He had a mild speech delay as a toddler which his doctor believed caused a social delay. Although he has since caught up to his peers and has been discharged by his special ed teacher (and is "officially" encouraged to start K on time), everyone tells me privately that they think he'll be better off with another year to mature under his belt. Not everyone does it because of sports or what have you.
Right, but you're making this decision now, not before he's born or while he's still too young to really tell. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who automatically red shirt from the beginning. you have NO way of knowing what your child is going to be like at 5, why make that decision when they're a year or 2 old?
Fwiw, we're red shirting DS on the advice of his teachers and full support of his pediatrician. He had a mild speech delay as a toddler which his doctor believed caused a social delay. Although he has since caught up to his peers and has been discharged by his special ed teacher (and is "officially" encouraged to start K on time), everyone tells me privately that they think he'll be better off with another year to mature under his belt. Not everyone does it because of sports or what have you.
Right, but you're making this decision now, not before he's born or while he's still too young to really tell. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who automatically red shirt from the beginning. you have NO way of knowing what your child is going to be like at 5, why make that decision when they're a year or 2 old?
This is true and I'm probably biased because of my experiences with my son. I always knew that there was something slightly "off" about his development and it took a long time and a lot of badgering and research on my part to finally get it addressed effectively. But I can look at the difference between where he was at 2.5 and where DS2 is now at the same age and see that there really is a big difference in social and emotional maturity. He has a June b-day and I have absolutely no doubts about sending him on time. I had doubts about DS1 going back to 18 months.
The other thing is that so many teachers and people who work in education have told me that their personal opinion on the matter, based on years of experience, is that while there is little harm in holding a child back (and potentially a lot to gain), people who send kids on the cusp often end up regreting it. That's obviously based on anecdotal evidence but it's hard to ignore advice like that, you know?
You're not crazy, I thought about it. Mostly in relationship to my work/ teaching schedule and how a spring baby would mean missing out on teaching for a year. We got very lucky and got pregnant the first month we tried. It would have been hard to decide if we were going to put TTC on hiatus to avoid jeopardizing my career opportunities. I'm not sure what we would have decided.
Last month, when a conception could have resulted in an early September baby, I admit I did think in passing about red shirting and almost another whole year of child care expenses (or being out of the workforce even longer if I continue to stay at home). My husband, on the other hand, pointed out that based on his current health insurance plan's perspective, we have a slight financial incentive (in terms of out of pocket expenses) for a pregnancy to span just one calendar year. Aside from that, I have not really put a whole lot of thought into birth month lately.
Fwiw, we're red shirting DS on the advice of his teachers and full support of his pediatrician. He had a mild speech delay as a toddler which his doctor believed caused a social delay. Although he has since caught up to his peers and has been discharged by his special ed teacher (and is "officially" encouraged to start K on time), everyone tells me privately that they think he'll be better off with another year to mature under his belt. Not everyone does it because of sports or what have you.
Right, but you're making this decision now, not before he's born or while he's still too young to really tell. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who automatically red shirt from the beginning. you have NO way of knowing what your child is going to be like at 5, why make that decision when they're a year or 2 old?
my brother was redshirted (end of august bday w/ a 12/1 k cut off) at the advice of both my mom and his preschool teacher (mom taught elm school before kids) who agreed that while academically he COULD handle k, socially it would have been a disaster. this seems to ring true w/ most boys w/ summer bdays.
Right, but you're making this decision now, not before he's born or while he's still too young to really tell. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who automatically red shirt from the beginning. you have NO way of knowing what your child is going to be like at 5, why make that decision when they're a year or 2 old?
my brother was redshirted (end of august bday w/ a 12/1 k cut off) at the advice of both my mom and his preschool teacher (mom taught elm school before kids) who agreed that while academically he COULD handle k, socially it would have been a disaster. this seems to ring true w/ most boys w/ summer bdays.
I take issue with "most boys" I think we are doing a disservice to our boys (and our girls as a result) by assuming they all need to be redshirted. probably less than 1/4 of summer boys need to be redshirted. Do you think a 19 year old boy belongs in the same school as 13/14 year old girls?
My ds3 is very socially aware/advanced compared to his brothers. He could have gone to K at 4.5 and thrived social. It is just his nature.
DS2 I left in montessori for K so I didn't have to decide whether to red shirt him or not until after he had finished K and he wouldn't have really known he was being held back because he was changing schools and in montessori it is caled "primary classroom" with ages 3-6
We had birth month preferences, but didn't change up TTC to avoid them. In the end we were just desperate to get pregnant. DS was born June 1st. It was so nice having good weather so that when he was colicky we could just take him for a stroll. I do worry occasionally on whether he should be one of the oldest or youngest in his class because of his birthday, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
DD was born November 14th. I have always assumed she would be one of the oldest in her class. Her DCP suggested that I keep her in Montessori for kindergarten and 1st grade so that she can start a year earlier... so she would be one of the youngest in her class.
Assuming she seems ready, should I send her to kindergarten early? If so many boys are being red-shirted, that will mean even a bigger age gap between her and her classmates, right? Not sure I like that idea.
Since we're on to red shirting, I have to agree with Septimus. It drives me nuts when people red shirt boys based on assumptions about them being more socially immature. My son has a moderate speech delay, but thankfully he has a December birthday, so he gets some extra time to catch up. Regardless of how far behind he is, he will start school on time and receive special education to catch him up. I think it would be far more detrimental to him to be even bigger and older than all of the other kids socially.
We chose Montessori for him because of the mixed age classes. I definitely think he learns more from being around the older kids, so no way do I want to keep him with only kids that are more immature than he is. Too bad more schools don't offer Jr. K for kids that aren't ready socially, or classes with mixed age groups.
I was born in late July and was always at the top of my class. My brother was born in early August (his birthday is 6 days after mine) and went to pre-first between K and 1st grade because he was not quite mature enough for 1st. He did fine and was never behind.
Honestly I never even considered a summer baby as being disadvantaged because of age. It just did not even cross my mind while TTC.
I like being pregnant in summer and having summer babies. (DD late July, this one due mid June.) I have spent a lot less on maternity clothes because I have a lot of elastic waistband skirts that fit nicely under the bump and I wear those when I get big. I stay indoors or go to the pool if it's hot. I also like that I don't have to get out of my toasty warm bed on a cold winter night to breastfeed a newborn.
I think the only month I would REALLY not want to have a baby is December but other than that, whatever. There are pros and cons to almost every time of year. Both times we TTC when we were ready without thinking about birth month.
Post by mccallister84 on Jan 3, 2013 15:49:48 GMT -5
Not a mom - and totally butting in here - but I am doing research for my doctorate in education on redshirting. All of te scholarly research I have found says that kid even out by third grade. Additionally there have been some studies that suggest redshirted students are more likely to drop out of hs (they can do it in earlier grades because they are older). Finally it's becoming a huge problem for early elementary school teachers. Someone has to be the youngest and with more and more parents redshirting the age gap is growing - as high as 18 months in some schools instead of the standard year.
That's not to say some students shouldn't be redshirted but deciding that before the child is even born is ridiculous, frankly.
Post by speckledfrog on Jan 3, 2013 16:10:40 GMT -5
After the first several months of trying I just wanted a baby, eff the month he was born! If you aren't in a rush and have a preference then go for it.
Post by ilikedonuts on Jan 3, 2013 16:12:32 GMT -5
If I had the choice, I wouldn't be 9 months pregnant in the dead of winter. But I would never stop TTC (especially after having multiple miscarriages before DD) because I'd be due in the winter.
I'll give birth in every season & the one 3wks after Christmas is definitely not ideal. But I never was super fertile so honestly I didn't care or try to time it.
We stopped trying for a few months because I didn't want to be pregnant in the middle of a SoCal summer. We were lucky and got pregnant right away after skipping a few months to avoid the summer plus an already planned October international vacation.
Post by MadamePresident on Jan 3, 2013 17:32:55 GMT -5
I don't have a huge preference, but I do have a blackout period in March/April. Between March 2 and April 17 there are 6 birthdays on my husband's side of the family. Which is everyone except his sister and my new daughter. I did not want to add to that.
Post by liveintheville on Jan 3, 2013 17:57:24 GMT -5
Timing wise the May baby was best. We could get out and about immediately. Enormously helpful considering he was the second kid and his 2.5 year old brother didn't tolerate being cooped up. But I spent so much more money on maternity clothes. That sucked.
Pregnancy wise, the October baby was best. I found being pregnant during the warm months better. Especially since it was my first baby. I could get out and enjoy my leisure time before the baby came. And I barely had to buy maternity clothes. Elastic waist skirts easy and cheap. However, once he was born we were walking in cold weather, etc. which wasn't ideal.
My preference when we were TTC DD was summer because that was my low season at work at the time. I knew I wouldn't have any problems negotiating a long maternity leave over the summer, whereas the rest of the year would have been harder.
She ended up being born in mid-May, exactly 10 days after the end of my very hectic season at work. I was able to take nearly 14 weeks of maternity leave (not all of it paid).
This time around, I liked the idea of another summer baby because it is what I know. I was out and about with DD a lot when she was an infant. However, I would have to be pg already to have a summer 2013 baby and that's not the case. I will take whatever birth month I get, but will admit that the whole end-of-the-year birthday thing is kind of sucky because of school if we go back to the U.S. I don't think it matters as much here in France, should we end up staying.
Post by curbsideprophet on Jan 4, 2013 7:08:25 GMT -5
First, I think this a luxury of the very fertile to try and pick and choose birth month. Even then you can not control everything and the baby could arrive early. By the time we got pregnant, I was just happy to be pregnant.
Having said that, I wanted to avoid a Dec baby if possible. Between the holidays and other family birthdays Dec is already a very busy month.
I was due in Sept and was sort of hoping for a Sept baby so I would not have to worry about the school cut off issues. However DD was born in late Aug, so if she goes on time she could be the youngest in her class. We feel it is too early to tell on that yet.
I am confused how someone born in Feb could be one of the youngest. What is the cutoff? Are people holding back kids born after the cutoff? So kids who would have been the oldest anyways are even older? Here, if everyone went on time Aug babies would be the youngest in the class and Sept babies would be the oldest.