Professional working moms come in

[Deleted]

I hate to say it, but as DD gets older, I want to work less. She is way more fun now than she was at 4 months. For the first time I could see myself as a SAH-even though I still don't think its for me. I wish I could work part time. It would solve so many of these concerns. sigh.

[Deleted]

and PT isn't an option for me unless I want to find a new job. And I have the same financial concerns that you have- we can live off DH's salary alone but we are using my salary to reach other goals.

[Mushe]

I'm an attorney and first-time mom as well. DS is 5.5 mo and I've been back to work for 1.5 mo.

It has been hard, no doubt about it, but I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things. My husband does drop off and I do pick up, because I'm sad all day if I do drop off. I try to compartmentalize and power through my work so that I can go home earlier. It helps that I work for the government and am not expected to work crazy hours, so I've been doing about 8-4:30, with working through lunch.

One thing that has helped me is to have days off scheduled that I can look forward to. I still have some PFL (paid family leave, in CA) days, so I'm using those, and have just scheduled some long weekends.

It's not an option with my employer for me to go PT, but I realize that with my hours I am basically working PT for an attorney.

[Deleted]

Oh my gosh, Farmer, I saw your post similar to this the other day and I wished that you didn't live on the opposite coast so we could go out for a drink. I feel the same way. I was killing it here before I went on maternity leave and planned to come back full force. Now, I don't know what I want. Like you, I can afford to go to part time, but I feel guilty for doing that-- like I'm wasting my education and l want that money to help with other things...Plus, cutting back would mean giving up my director status and I like being in charge. My biggest problem is that I want to be with V every single minute that I'm not working. I can't bring myself to leave her even for a couple hours to go out with DH alone and I'm afraid it is going to cause problems in our marriage...I just miss her SO much while I'm gone. IT IS SO HARD!! Anyway, I guess I don't have any advice, just commiseration. I'll be interested to see what other people have to say. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk more about it...most of my friends are SAHMs or else have no idea what I'm talking about. I feel kind of alone in this sometimes.

[jenny1223]

I totally feel you. DS is 4 months old today and I've been back at work for a month now. I feel like I can't focus fully when I'm at work and when I'm home, I'm stressing about how much work I have!

I'm fortunate that my job is flexible (I can work from home, adjust my hours, etc.). And DH is currently staying home with DS so I feel more comfortable knowing he's at home.

[jenny1223]

Farmville - Is your LO wearing leg warmers in that pic? Adorable!

[ijack]

I feel you. IMO it gets a little easier as they get older. I've been working pt and go back ft in a month and as awesome as it has been it hasn't been great for my career. It's really hard to go back and forth. I don't have any advice, but it does get a little easier usually.

[Brie]

(lurking)

We recently decided 100% that I'm going back to work, so I'll be in this crowd soon too. I have decided to ask for a slightly longer maternity leave, though (16 weeks instead of 12), which makes me feel better.

[caramia17]

I went back at 9 weeks. I told everyone I was OK. I was just treading water. I didn't start feeling like I was getting it done either at home or work until DD was about 6-7 mos. I still have days where I feel like I am crappy at one or the other (or both). My DH and nanny are great and I have lots of support and I still get overwhelmed. Hugs!

[Deleted]

Just coming in to offer some zombie hugs, Farmer. I hope you can find a good balance.

[savannah11]

I never had the anxiety of wanting to stay home but I still felt like I was treading water in the beginning. Pregnancy and sleep deprivation fried my brain and I was off my game. Then I made it worse by having kid #2 25 months later.

I don't think I felt like my old self at work until my kids were 4 and 2 and over the wake up in the night stage. Sleep makes a huge difference.

[Deleted]

I feel like myself again now.... which is a big reason I'm scared to have another...

[barefootcontessa]

I gave up a coveted position after the birth of my son. I anguished over it, feeling like I wasted my education, the time of my mentors, etc., but ultimately I decided it was my life. At first I really missed feeling like a professional but I have gotten over it. I now have a small consulting business and more kids. It gets stressful at times because my DH has a super demanding job but somehow I manage to keep going.

[lishie]

I'm a lawyer with a 3 and 1 year old and I hate leaving each morning, but I also know I'd stink as a FT SAHM. I see how much each of them are getting out of daycare and it makes me feel better about going to work. Spending time with them was also the reason I took a federal job when it was time to TTC. I knew I'd be able to leave at 4:30 every day, and have every other Friday with the boys. That schedule goes a long way for me.

[karinothing]

As you know, I too am a lawyer (although a lazy government one). I just went back to work last week (DS is 6 months) and I agree it is hard. I told DH before I even went back that I felt like I could be a SAHM (something I never thought I would want to be!). Being at work is not as hard as I thought it would be, BUT I do get to nurse DS at lunch, which I think helps a ton. Is there anyway you could see him at lunch?

I think what I am really struggling with right now is how much time pumping/feeding him takes out of my day. I feel like I can get nothing done (and I am on production, so this sucks). I even just gave up working from home so I could make sure to see him during the day.

I will say one thing I appreciate about work is I no longer obsess about naps. It helped get rid of a lot of stress.

[brit1017]

I found that to be my experience too. DS didn't sleep well at all and had a lot of stomach issues that left him miserable, that cleared up when we found the right formula right after I went back to work. Right after I went back to work, he began to learn more and interact more and generally be more "fun". There are days when it's really hard to go to work and there are days that are somewhat easy (some days in the terrible two's made me glad for work!)

One big thing that it took me awhile to figure out was that trying to make sure the house was clean and making dinners every night were stressing me out b/c I never felt like I was doing anything "good enough", especially spending time with DS. Once I decided to let the house go a little during the week and make quick dinners a few nights a week so that I could spend more quality time with DS, I was a lot happier. I spend a little more time cleaning on the weekends, and cook the meals that need more prep time on weekends, but I'm accepting that my house will be less than perfect for awhile. The time with my kids is more important to me right now.

[luvmagoldn]

May 11, 2012 15:40:44 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

I hate to say it, but as DD gets older, I want to work less. She is way more fun now than she was at 4 months. For the first time I could see myself as a SAH-even though I still don't think its for me. I wish I could work part time. It would solve so many of these concerns. sigh.

This was me as well. Frankly, with twin toddlers and a newborn getting out of the house was a treat for me! But as they got older I found I wanted to be with them more. When they were babies, they barely noticed I was gone until I come back. As they got older they knew I wasn't there. That's what started to bother me.

I dropped to 30 hours a week and it's working out really well. I am able to adjust my hours around the boys' school schedules but still contribute to the business and my household as well.

If you can swing PT, I wholeheartedly endorse it.

[zeewifeandmama]

Zombie hugs! I wish I had some advice

[doctorsbaby]

I SAHM now but originally went back to work when DD was 3 months old. I found that my focus had drastically shifted and no longer had the drive to work 55-60 hour weeks and take care of anything/everything. When i went back to work, I put in my 45 hours a week and went home. If there was something that was crucial, generally from piss poor planning on someone else's part, I would stay and take care of it but only when I absolutely had to.

When DD was 10 months old, i put in a 4 week notice. There were a lot of factors that lead to that decision, including changes in the company culture but wanting to be with my DD more was the main reason.

[Deleted]

I think you should cut yourself some major slack right now Your baby is still really young and you are still in a difficult phase. You just went through an enormous physical change not that long ago, you're back at work full time which is tiring in and of itself, and your LO might not even be STTN yet. Or if he is, he most likely *just* started to do it consistently, and you haven't had much time yet to catch up on your rest and let your body recharge. Don't make the mistake of underestimating the effect of chronic sleep deprivation. It makes everything feel so much worse. There's a reason people use it as a torture technique after all!

With my two kids, I didn't really start to feel like my old self again until around 12 months after they were born. By that point, they were through the worst of teething and sleep training and I had weaned them from nursing (that's another thing - don't underestimate the effect of pumping as well, if you are still doing that. Nursing also takes a physical toll on your body). Just as important, I could count on them to reliably sleep for 10-12 hours every night.

So my advice to you would be to hold off on any major career changes until your child is on a more predictable sleep schedule and you've had time to catch up on your rest. Who knows, you might still feel this way in a year. But if you do, you'll know that these are real feelings you have to contend with and not just the effects of struggling through tiring days with a baby. Hang in there, it really does get easier.

[Wines Not Whines]

I was very surprised that I had trouble going back to work. It got much easier for me when my son got older and I could see how much fun he has at "school" and with his friends. I don't know if you're nursing and pumping, but it also got easier when I stopped taking pumping breaks at work. I hope it will get easier for you, too.

[sweetnsour]

May 12, 2012 6:54:49 GMT -5 @lcap said:

I think you should cut yourself some major slack right now Your baby is still really young and you are still in a difficult phase. You just went through an enormous physical change not that long ago, you're back at work full time which is tiring in and of itself, and your LO might not even be STTN yet. Or if he is, he most likely *just* started to do it consistently, and you haven't had much time yet to catch up on your rest and let your body recharge. Don't make the mistake of underestimating the effect of chronic sleep deprivation. It makes everything feel so much worse. There's a reason people use it as a torture technique after all!

With my two kids, I didn't really start to feel like my old self again until around 12 months after they were born. By that point, they were through the worst of teething and sleep training and I had weaned them from nursing (that's another thing - don't underestimate the effect of pumping as well, if you are still doing that. Nursing also takes a physical toll on your body). Just as important, I could count on them to reliably sleep for 10-12 hours every night.

So my advice to you would be to hold off on any major career changes until your child is on a more predictable sleep schedule and you've had time to catch up on your rest. Who knows, you might still feel this way in a year. But if you do, you'll know that these are real feelings you have to contend with and not just the effects of struggling through tiring days with a baby. Hang in there, it really does get easier.

I totally agree with this advice. I have a 4 year and 18 month old. There are days when I want to stay home with them and sometimes I do using my days off. I also decided to be happy with my gov't job where I have more flexibility. I don't normally work past 40 hours.

I will say both of my kids really enjoy daycare and preschool so that makes it easier.

[tardyfortheparty]

This struggle is so hard...going through it right now. I went back FT after DS was born but dropped down to 80% when he was 18 mos. That decision wasnt great for my career but felt 100% right personally and really improved my stress level, work life balance etc. I am currently on an extended unpaid maternity leave (DD is7 mos) and will return to work in 4 mos, again at 80%. We love our day care & think DS benefitted from it immensely so I dont have guilt about that. I love my job too...just wish I couldstay home even longer...but financially it is best in the long term for me to go back. Iwould encourage any Mom who can swing it to look into a reduced or PT schedule...it really has been a life changer & we didnt miss the 20% paycut nearly as much as I thought we would.

[acceptthegood]

May 12, 2012 6:54:49 GMT -5 @lcap said:

I think you should cut yourself some major slack right now Your baby is still really young and you are still in a difficult phase. You just went through an enormous physical change not that long ago, you're back at work full time which is tiring in and of itself, and your LO might not even be STTN yet. Or if he is, he most likely *just* started to do it consistently, and you haven't had much time yet to catch up on your rest and let your body recharge. Don't make the mistake of underestimating the effect of chronic sleep deprivation. It makes everything feel so much worse. There's a reason people use it as a torture technique after all!

With my two kids, I didn't really start to feel like my old self again until around 12 months after they were born. By that point, they were through the worst of teething and sleep training and I had weaned them from nursing (that's another thing - don't underestimate the effect of pumping as well, if you are still doing that. Nursing also takes a physical toll on your body). Just as important, I could count on them to reliably sleep for 10-12 hours every night.

So my advice to you would be to hold off on any major career changes until your child is on a more predictable sleep schedule and you've had time to catch up on your rest. Who knows, you might still feel this way in a year. But if you do, you'll know that these are real feelings you have to contend with and not just the effects of struggling through tiring days with a baby. Hang in there, it really does get easier.

All this. For me, I was so glad to get out of the house and have adult time and my old schedule back when I went back to work win DD was 9 weeks. But she was a great sleeper and I was getting 8-9 hours stretches from her at that time. I just know I would suck at a SAHM. DD loves her daycare so much, and they do more activities than I could ever think of. And I'm so much more patient and focused when I do see her. I don't know if this helps, but good luck!