Parenting Failure...my child's teeth

[readyin07]

I feel just devastated. Ds is 4 this month and had his first set of dental X-rays today
(he has been going to the dentist since he was about 15 months). his teeth are a fucking mess...just riddled with cavities between the molars. The decay was so bad the dentist recommended 4 silver caps on his back molars plus fillings on his premolars. To do this he will need to be fully anesthetized in a hospital. I am just...bereft. We switched to this dentist for his last vist and he noted a few points of decalcification to watch and said we needed to start flossing. And so we have been even more diligent than ever before with brushing and adding flossing to our routine. The decalcifications are no longer points of concern...but now this. Seriously I know no one else irl who even flosses their kids' teeth. I can't believe this is happening. Is his dental hygiene perfect? No but I don't know any kids his age whose is. I can't believe it is this bad. The dentist kept Asking about sugary drinks and sweets and honestly he may have watered down juice or a juice box 3x a week and that is it and he loves sweets but his diet is really super healthy.

We have a second opinion at the suggestion of our dentist but I trust him, I really do. My aunt is a hygienist for an adult dentist so I am bringing her the X-rays also and have calls into dentists who use new tooth colored crowns. . I feel like I have so completely failed my son. My perfect beautiful boy is going to be marred by silver fillings until his molars come in at 11 or 12 and I am subjecting him to having to be fully sedated. I so completely hate myself right now...I just needed to get this out there. T make it mm, it is going to cost us 3k to fix this but I would spend about anything to avoid him having to go through this

[Deleted]

I'm really sorry. I don't have many details but a similar thing happened to my sister when she was young. She needed a bridge when she was only 4. My mom was besides herself but sometimes kids just have bad teeth. Her adult teeth are much healthier.

[lindyanne]

I'm sorry you're going through this. The first dentist DS saw when he was 2 said that genetics plays a lot into bad tetth. His kids actually had several cavities each when they were young. Some things you just can't avoid no matter how hard you try.

[h]

Don't blame yourself. Some people just have bad teeth and even really good oral hygiene doesn't prevent decay. Other kids have fair hygiene at best and don't get cavities. You can't help it if your son falls into the former category--it sounds like you did your best.

My oldest son's molars had a congenital malformation that caused them to decay easily and resulted in him having 4 crowns at 4 years old. It was upsetting, but he is fine and was not scarred by the experience (he was under anesthesia). We did tooth colored crowns. Is that an option if the silver aspect is concerning you? And FWIW, he hasn't had a cavity in the almost 2 years since, so don't necessarily assume that this is going to remain a constant problem.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry. I was the same - had to be put under at 4, got a mess of fillings and caps done. I don't think my mom did anything wrong, I think I had shitty teeth and unfloridated water.

And now I'm a fully functioning adult... with kind of shitty teeth, but it's really not anything to beat yourself up about. Get a second opinion and do what's best with what you've got to deal with.

[Saudade]

Jan 3, 2013 19:38:34 GMT -5 h said:

Don't blame yourself. Some people just have bad teeth and even really good oral hygiene doesn't prevent decay. Other kids have fair hygiene at best and don't get cavities. You can't help it if your son falls into the former category--it sounds like you did your best.

This.

Also, my cousin had horrible problems with his teeth when he was little. The doctors and dentists attribute it to the meningitis infection and/or treatment he got at birth. Now that he is way older you can't tell and he hasn't had any problems with his adult teeth.

[Deleted]

Don't blame yourself; you did your best and it's all you can do!

Out of sheer curiosity, do you have city water? Is it flourinated?

[Deleted]

Aw - do not beat yourself up! I would definitely eat a second opinion. As others have said my dentist also told me it is mostly genetic. I'm sorry you guys have to go through that.

[readyin07]

Oh well our dentist made it clear he thinks it is a hygiene issue. Idk. I am just so depressed. I know I am like over the too with it but he is my baby and my first priority and I feel like I failed him

[barefootcontessa]

It very likely has a lot to do with you son's teeth. My older sons are 18 months apart, have received the same level of dental hygiene, and one had to have two molars pulled and about 10 cavities done. The other son? He has zero problems.

Also, our dentist gave us the choice of general anes. or using laughing gas over a series of several appointments. We went with the later.

[Deleted]

Ditto what PPs said about some people being prone to bad teeth. I didn't take good care of my teeth when I was young and I didn't have any cavities until I was an adult. I think I got lucky with good teeth genes.

[luvmagoldn]

Jan 3, 2013 20:04:18 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Oh well our dentist made it clear he thinks it is a hygiene issue. Idk. I am just so depressed. I know I am like over the too with it but he is my baby and my first priority and I feel like I failed him

Does your son brush by himself? My guys do then I "follow behind to check their work" which really means I brush them. I kept brushing them myself when I read somewhere that kids don't have the dexterity to do a good job themselves until seven or so.

Regardless, I'm really sorry your dentist isn't being more supportive. Big hugs to you.

[cjeanette]

Jan 3, 2013 20:04:18 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Oh well our dentist made it clear he thinks it is a hygiene issue. Idk. I am just so depressed. I know I am like over the too with it but he is my baby and my first priority and I feel like I failed him

Then your dentist is an ass.

My kid cracked a baby tooth on a jolly rancher and created a massive cavity. Since it was a baby tooth he felt no pain and I didn't notice. I clearly wasn't looking far enough back when I brushed. Felt like the worst mom ever.

[hannamaren]

My cousin ate candy, never brushed and had no cavities.
I brushed, limited sugar and got loads of cavities.
Now I have beautiful teeth.

[karinothing]

Ah don't blame yourself! Did they check into enamel issues at all? I know this can be a problem with some kids.

Also, are they able to do sealants on any of the teeth to prevent decay? (This is actually a reminder to anyone with little ones that they can get sealants pretty early, I know my niece got them before she turned 2).

I would really seek other opinions. I know I read once that a lot of the time with baby cavities dentists will recommend just not doing anything as long as the teeth aren't hurting the kid (since they are going to fall out anyway). I am not sure if this works for every situation obviously.

[caramia17]

I am a dentist, albeit not a pediatric one. I am a periodontist, so take all of this with a grain of salt as I am recalling my dental school info from *cough* many years ago.

I am sorry your kiddo is going through this. Don't beat yourself up, but do take any advice on how to improve his hygiene to help prevent him losing teeth going forward. Definitely start flossing any teeth that touch. Ask about fluoride treatments/varnishes as well to help strengthen the teeth.

The silver crowns are stainless steel. They are used because the teeth can be cut and the crowns placed the same day. When you have a crown as an adult, it is a multi-step process where they cut the prep and then take an impression (mold) and send that off to a lab to have the final crown made. To avoid putting kids to sleep twice, they use materials that can be done in one shot. The options here are acrylic/plastic materials or stainless steel. Talk to you dentist/2nd opinion doc about the advantages and disadvantages of the different materials that can be used. If your 2nd opinion does not agree with the first doc, get a 3rd opinion.

Because the crowns are fitted to the teeth on same day, they do not seal to the tooth quite as well as crowns for permanent teeth made from an impression. This is a calculated risk knowing that baby teeth eventually fall out, but it also means that you have to take even better care of the crowned teeth from here on out.

Finally, this will likely be way more traumatic for you than him, which is probably good as you want him to have positive dental experiences and take good care of his teeth long-term. Try not to show him that you are scared. You are a good mom who is doing the right thing addressing this now.

[Deleted]

I had a Dentist say virtually the exact the same thing to me about DD1 at same age. I just couldn't do it. I waited & eventually got a second opinion from a highly recommended much older pediatric dentist with a long established, busy practice (the first was a young fresh out of school with a new practice dentist I found online). Second dentist said yeah, she had a few little spots that needed fillings (2 fillings between molars). She got those filled & sealants. She showed me right on the x-rays--there was no massive decay warranting crowns. In fact she never even mentioned crowns (not EIGHT like other guy said), no getting put under, no big emergency, no $5k & no judgement. It cost $500 including sealants. She's 8.5 now & has never had teeth pain, nor further issues--she's slowly loosing her teeth now (4 so far). She'll loose those teeth eventually. I've had crowns & they file your tooth down to nothing--I'm seriously not convinced crowning is better than just patching baby teeth ( barring no serious pain, decay). I'd definitely get multiple opinions before putting your kid through that. Dentistry treatment is subjective & some dentists are more aggressive in treatment. It's a matter of opinion. Good luck. I remember that sick, failure feeling---it's tough. Don't beat yourself up either way.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Please, please do not do all that without getting more opinions. I'd get a second and third. That just seems crazy to me.

No matter what, I'd fire that dentist in a hot minute. He should not be treating you that way.

Big hugs -- don't feel bad. It's likely not as bad as he said, and even if he is, it's probably genetic, not a hygiene issue.

[MadamePresident]

I've heard of people using natural remedies like cod liver oil to help heal tooth decay. Its worth a shot.

www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/how-i-healed-my-childs-cavity/

[fortmyersbride]

Hugs. I'm so sorry you went through that. No matter what the second opinion says, I would not be going back to that first dentist for poor bedside manner alone.

DS had 2 small caries I noticed on the back of his front teeth when he was 2. I sent him and DH to a pedi dentist. Apparently it was a very traumatizing experience for both of them and also resulted in being told that he needed filling in the OR under general anesthesia. I wasn't convinced, and got a second opinion. Second dentist watched the spots for a year and had us do fluoride treatments at home. Eventually he did fill them, but they were so superficial that they required neither local nor sedation. He also put sealant on DS's molars. GL with the second opinion, I'm so sorry the first guy was such an ass.

[Kore]

This is definitely worth a second opinion. Some dentists are shady & suggest expensive procedures that are unnecessary to make more $$. It sucks.

[caramia17]

Also, if you have a dental school near you, you may consider taking your DS to see the pediatric residents or faculty there.

I may be biased as I am a prof at a dental school, but it can assuage some of the financial concerns about dentists' motivation (trust me, no one in academia is doing it for the $$) and give you an opportunity to have longer appts and really talk about the ins and outs of the procedures.

[Deleted]

I am sorry you are going thru this. We started flossing our daughter's teeth at 2 yo -- in Switzerland they also have the kids brush there teeth at school between meals and snacks, I wish the US would adopt this policy.

Look on the bright side, it's his baby teeth. You can start getting into great teeth cleaning habits now so when the adult teeth arrive they stay in excellent shape.

Hang in there!

[momof2boys]

Sadly sometimes genetics come into play, don't feel bad! I brush my teeth twice daily without fail, floss, get dental work done etc, and still get cavities. My husband brushes in the morning only and went 7 years without seeing a dentist....yet, no cavities! My oldest son has my husbands teeth, my youngest has mine I was also told that kids who have been on a lot of antibiotics have weak teeth. My youngest had repeated ear infections, so in our case it makes sense.
He had four cavities at his last visit (the cavities are between his teeth, so technically two cavities but affecting four teeth). We fixed the ones in the back since those teeth will be there awhile but the one between his front teeth we are opting to watch. Those teeth should be falling out anytime. If necessary I will fix them but it seemed like a lot to put him through for a tooth that could fall out in another month or two.

Is enamel colored fillings an option? It cost us a little more but I know myself, and seeing the silver fillings in his mouth would drive me insane and make me repeatedly beat myself up. For that reason we chose to spend the extra money for enamel colored fillings. Not exactly MM but for my sanity it was worthwhile

[nonsenseabound]

Definitely see a pediatric dentist. Our daughter had one cavity in her front tooth and later had an abscesses tooth that got pulled. We were diligently flossing, fluoride rinse, and brushing twice a day. Poor kid just got my bad teeth. The abscessed tooth was due to tooth trauma and the dentist said she probably knocked it a few times. Nothing but bad luck.

We are even more diligent with my son.