Poor SIL

[orriskitten]

Well, kinda sil. Step bro's gf who
had a baby last week who I was side eyeing.

She was really traumatized by an emergency c-section after 24 hours of labor and was basically in shock, thus the lapse in any idea of what to do. She basically started to melt down at home since sb went back to work right away and she had no help, blisters from bandages around her incision and a baby who only wants to be walked around and held. Her mom is also totally mia and I know that is hurting her. I spent the day with her yesterday and feel so bad for side eyeing her. She was just in shock.

She also is having some severe depression, I think ppd in addition too. She is going to her ob Monday and will talk to him about meds. She was on anti depressants before having the baby.

I helped as much as I could and was there for support, advice and a helping hand to get her out of the house for a short while (she is on the 2nd floor of a walk up) with the baby.

To ladies who had c-sections, what else do you think I can do for her? She was very weepy (understandable!) And the whole family is making sure she won't be alone for as long as she needs to get her feet under her and then some. She is also frustrated because my sb is so unhelpful and scared of the baby., Sunday dh and I are going over and I'll be taking her out with Mel and the boys will be with her daughter so hopefully sb can get over some of his fears (she trusts dh, as do I so we're hoping it helps).

Aside from basic education, which I am helping her with, taking her out and helping with the baby, what can I do for her? any input would be great. I just feel so bad for her!

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[jfh]

I'm so sorry. It's sounds like you're being an amazing SIL. I don't have much to add, except it might help to help her get out of the house WITHOUT the baby as well. Even if it's just a short walk. But probably what will help the most is the meds, so just make sure she goes to that appointment, and if they don't work, make sure she follows up to find the right dose/med.

[Deleted]

Ditto jfh, my mom sent dh and I to Starbucks while she watched the baby about a week after we got home. It really helped me a lot.

[orriskitten]

I'll be doing that the next time I go over. I didn't feel comfortable yesterday because I didn't know where everything was and she is trying to bf but has been killing her supply supplementing because she didn't know how supply/demand was supposed to work. I am going to try to help with that because
the rest of the family doesn't support it and will essentially leave so she can "have privacy to do that."

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[Regina Philange]

What you are doing is great orris. For me, Food was a comfort. Oh and just watching the baby so she can take some time in the shower since. I feel bad for her. I couldnt even take my pants off by myself in the beginning. YOu are being a great SIL, or Step SIL or a great boyfriends sister.

[claralou]

I can't think of anything to add, but want to tell you that you're wonderful for doing this. She's really lucky to have you- I feel bad for her too.

[AndyCohen]

A compression band may help with some of the pain, it did for me. Also, a week after we got out of the hospital SIL came and took Audrey out for a walk in the sling for 2 hours so I could sleep and it was AMAZING.

[Regina Philange]

Oh yessss good point Nicole. I didnt discover the band until a week after and it helped me so much getting in and out of bed.

[Dorothy Zbornak]

She needs to be getting up and moving around as much as possible; that will help the pain go away much faster. Encourage her to get out for fresh air; it will help her mood a little. And chocolate!

Why the fuck is your SB afraid of the baby?

[orriskitten]

Jan 4, 2013 9:47:12 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

A compression band may help with some of the pain, it did for me. Also, a week after we got out of the hospital SIL came and took Audrey out for a walk in the sling for 2 hours so I could sleep and it was AMAZING.

She has one but can't use it yet since it hurts the staples which come out Monday so hopefully then she can wear it.

Thanks ladies! Amazing to remember what we went through to get here!

I also linked her to her bmb on tb.
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[AndyCohen]

Jan 4, 2013 10:30:36 GMT -5 orriskitten said:

Jan 4, 2013 9:47:12 GMT -5 AndyCohen said:

A compression band may help with some of the pain, it did for me. Also, a week after we got out of the hospital SIL came and took Audrey out for a walk in the sling for 2 hours so I could sleep and it was AMAZING.

She has one but can't use it yet since it hurts the staples which come out Monday so hopefully then she can wear it.

Thanks ladies! Amazing to remember what we went through to get here!

I also linked her to her bmb on tb.
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Ahh ok. I had my staples taken out in the hospital. Sorry she has to wait so long

You just being there and offering support is a HUGE help!

[orriskitten]

Jan 4, 2013 10:28:41 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

She needs to be getting up and moving around as much as possible; that will help the pain go away much faster. Encourage her to get out for fresh air; it will help her mood a little. And chocolate!

Why the fuck is your SB afraid of the baby?

She can't go out by herself yet because the stroller, stairs and c-section and the rest of my family freaks out about bringing the baby out in the cold (because naturally we take her out in a tank top and diaper only ) but I'll take her out or send her alone when I am there.

Sb has issues. Hoping he will get past them quickly.

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[vidalia]

I agree with telling her go take a long shower, brush her teeth and get dressed while you are there. Also, this was a big one for me...tell her that everything she is feeling is normal! Nothing made me feel better than my mom telling me that everyone has a tough time with the newborn phase, all babies cry, etc. You are probably already doing this, but you could tell her stories about when your LO was a newborn and what you struggled with and how things got better. You are a very good SIL and I'm sure she will always remember how you were there for her!

[thedahliharpa]

Jan 4, 2013 10:28:41 GMT -5 Dorothy Zbornak said:

She needs to be getting up and moving around as much as possible; that will help the pain go away much faster. Encourage her to get out for fresh air; it will help her mood a little. And chocolate!

Why the fuck is your SB afraid of the baby?

This but I did NOT want to get up and walk and felt like screaming at my DH for pushing me to because it hurt so Fing bad.

People cooking for us was the best.

[hass2001]

I don't really have any advice but I just feel so bad for her. I remember just crying and crying and not knowing why. Just being someone she can talk to and will listen to her will help.