Don't get too worried yet. It sounds like this is unusual for V and she was way overtired. Audrey did that once and I just had to ergo her and get out the door because I couldn't take the crying. I know it's a pain to bundle, so I just wear her under my coat and walk around the grocery store.
We don't do CIO, so don't know if I can answer or not. But I have a good sleeper save when he is teething or going through a major developmental phase.
I second the stroller for naps. I know it's hard in the cold and all, but I think having baby in the stroller assists with them learning to put themselves to sleep. They can't see you, but know you are there.
Luke likes to have a bout of whining and babbling before he goes down for the night. If it escalates to a cry I go in. I don't talk or really engage him other than by using my touch to soothe. If he's standing or on his knees I lay him on his back with his paci. He usually will roll to his side and then I stroke his face with his blankie ( this soothes him for some reason). He has a white noise machine on and I also use this baby shushing app on an iPod.
For naps , I actually use the small portable swing in his room since it keeps him settled and asleep for his naps. I moved the swing in there to develop the sleep association with his room. Lately he has been falling asleep on his own in the swing with no soothing needed from me. In fact he fell asleep like this in his crib this morning:
However one thing I go by is this: if she cries and it sounds mild I let it go on. If it hasn't ended soon I might go in. Or if it escalates and sounds REALLY bad. Then I might pick her up. If when I enter the room and/or pick her up the crying stops instantly- I consider this "fake". I know it's never really "fake" they truly want that comfort. What I mean is, I consider this a "non pain cry".
If she continues to scream even in my arms, I consider this "pain" and will not let her CIO.
You might just need to hold her and rock her tight until she stops fighting. We used to call it "nubbing out" with H. It was the worst but sometimes she needed that sleep. I'm sorry you are having such a tough day! Is it too cold to put her in the stroller and take a short walk so you don't go nuts?
This is basically what I did. She was trying to push me away and I just kind of swaddled her in a way and she eventually gave up. The stroller was a good suggestion, I'll try that in the future. It's a total PITA to bundle her up and carry the stroller out of my building but it would have worked probably.
And also, you're not supposed to read threads with CIO in the title!
Haha, I don't read them as much :-) and only interject if I think the OP might find something I have to say non judgey.
This happened a couple times in the last week where she would fight going to bed (not nap but bedtime) and we ended up just bringing her out and playing with her for another 30 min or so. Then she would be so tired she just passed the heck out in my lap and didn't even flinch when I transfered her to her crib.