Moms of 2+: preschool or nanny?

[Deleted]

Currently I work part time from home and have a nanny to watch DD while I work. We will definitely have a nanny for baby #2 for about the same number of hours beginning when he or she is about 3 months old.

We are trying to decide whether we want to have the nanny for both DD and child #2 or whether we want to send DD to Montessori school beginning in the fall. She will be 3 in July and the Montessori schools we are interested in will enroll her up to age 4 years, 4 months old (so we have the option of keeping her home an extra year if we want to).

I feel like DD would thrive in a Montessori classroom and would probably enjoy the social setting more, especially since she'd be confined to the house more if she is with the nanny and #2 since I expect to be breastfeeding. I also know she would receive educational opportunities she would not be able to get either from me at home with 2 kids or from the nanny with 2 kids.

On the other hand, I really fear for the germs she might bring home from preschool and pass on to #2. DD was in daycare as an infant and was sick so much it was just terrible--it's not an experience we wish repeat. I also have a friend whose daughter had RSV before age 1 due to germs her older brother brought home from preschool and has all kinds of lasting severe health problems due to it. My friend is adamant that I don't want an older kid in preschool with a baby at home. This seems maybe a little too paranoid, though--I know tons of parents have an older sibling in school and a younger at home.

Having the nanny watch both kids will be a cheaper. We can handle the finances either way so that is not a primary consideration, but it is a factor in that it would be nice to not spend as much... but we want to do right by both kids above all.

Anyway, just looking for advice--what did you do, what would you do in my situation? Anything I'm not considering?

[rootbeerfloat]

Well, DD got RSV at 5w when DS was home with me on ML, so it can happen either way. I do think whenever your DD starts preschool she'll bring home germs to her brother, but I can understand why you may want to wait until he's a little older.

How many hours of preschool are you looking at? I lean towards preschool, especially if you think she's ready and would enjoy it.

[lindyanne]

DS turned three in July. He is in his second year of preschool now. It is only two days a week for 2.5 hours but what he learns from just that in terms of socialization is incredible. I could never capture his attention to learn the amount he does at there either (he's very high energy). Even if you don't want to spend the full amt on Montessori, is there a preschool program similar you could use so she can get out some?

[Deleted]

I had a nanny when DS3 was born, but I still sent DS1 to montessori. When DS2 was old enough he went to montessori too and nanny just stayed home with DS3. DS3 started montessori the day he was old enough 30 mos.

[fortmyersbride]

I was in a very similar situation. DS turned 3 the month after DD was born. We chose to enroll him in Montessori b/c he's a very social kid, he seemed ready to start PS, and I was worried about him going stir crazy at home with DD and I while I was on mat leave. Unfortunately DS had only been at a small in-home DC for a few month as a baby and nanny care for the rest of the time, so PS was a bit of a shock to his immune system for the first 6 months. And he did bring home plenty of respiratory infections to DD, we also went through a bout of RSV when she was 4 mos old complete with the round the clock nebulizer treatments.

But I personally think he or she could have also picked up a lot of that from indoor play places, libraries, and other places kids congregate in the winter. DS has really thrived in Montessori school and I think having an activity all his own really overcame any issues of jealously towards the baby and all the attention she was getting. My vote is to start PS.

[Deleted]

Jan 5, 2013 20:48:53 GMT -5 rootbeerfloat said:

Well, DD got RSV at 5w when DS was home with me on ML, so it can happen either way. I do think whenever your DD starts preschool she'll bring home germs to her brother, but I can understand why you may want to wait until he's a little older.

How many hours of preschool are you looking at? I lean towards preschool, especially if you think she's ready and would enjoy it.

Oh, I'm so sorry, that's terrible. I hope your daughter doesn't have lasting problems. My friend's daughter needs to start a variety of breathing medications and usually has an ER visit EVERY. TIME. she gets sick now thanks to the RSV (she is almost 2). It is a nightmare for my poor friend. Germs really are inevitable; DD isn't in school now but it's certainly not like she never gets sick. She picks stuff up from the YMCA childcare center, her music class, the grocery cart..... I just want to minimize it for the new baby (as much as is reasonably possible).

We would be looking at about 25 hours a week of preschool--8:30 AM to 1 PM Monday through Friday.

[Deleted]

Thanks, this is all really helpful. Please keep the responses coming; I am going to show this thread to my husband too.

One positive thing to consider is that with a June baby he or she will be 5 or 6 months old before cold and flu season really sets in, so it's not like I will have a new-new newborn when the season is at its worst.

[rootbeerfloat]

We have to be pretty cautious whenever DD gets a cold (breathing treatments right away), but it wasn't as bad as your friend, and it got easier as she got older.

I agree with PP who said that preschool will might also help minimize jealousy on your DD's part.

[Willis Jackson]

DS started preschool 2 weeks after DD was born. She didn't get sick at all, even though he got a couple of colds.

[bunch]

I fully intend on sending dd to preschool when next kid is 2 mos old. Dd goes one day a week now and she loves it. She's picked up a stomach virus and a cold or two, but nothing terrible. She could have picked them up at playgroup, bounce house, zoo or anywhere else we have gone...

[GailGoldie]

My boys thrived with a preschool experience - they were in a daycare that had a full preK curriculum. they learned so much- made tons of friends, social interaction at that age is the biggest learning - and they did tons of that!

yes- they will get sick when they are in a school setting- but if they dont' start now- they'll be sick a lot their first year of K --- i used to teach K and all the SAH kids were sick that year, the daycare kids = never sick.

[fivenow]

None of you know me yet, but I'll chime in anyway. If you think your DD will thrive in preschool, I'd go ahead and send her based on that alone. The threat of germ exposure wouldn't override that in my mind. My kids have a pretty limited circle of people they're around and they still manage to pick stuff up. It happens. No matter what you decide, it will all work out, though!

[zacksbride]

ds was in daycare from 12 weeks - 2 years, then we moved and he had a nanny for a year, and is now back in full time daycare (his age group is essentially an all day preschool).

as far as germs, he has never needed to have a sick child visit, be it when he was in daycare or with the nanny. sure he has had his share of snotty noses, but nothing ever too significant. so, some kids get the germs bad, others don't and unfortunately there's no way to tell until your kid is around others.

i can tell you that we are really glad that DS is back in daycare this year. while our nanny took him on outings a lot, i really think him being able to spend the day with other children is really beneficial to him. we can see how much more comfortable he is in new situations now, and from an educational aspect i think he is learning a lot (writing his name, etc - things that admittedly dh and i do not go over with him much at home because of our busy work schedules)

the one thing that we miss about the nanny is that it is hands down a lot harder for us to get out of the house in the morning now. with the nanny, he was asleep when we left, and now we have to get him ready, pack breakfast, lunch, snacks, drinks, etc, and drop him off. i am late for work a lot more now because the time daycare opens cuts it really close with when i need to be in. not sure how much that will come into play if you work at home.

[SusanBAnthony]

Dd was born in February, and DS was 2.5. In August he started preschool at almost 3. Worry about gas did not enter my mind, but I have had very healthy kids, so that just isn't on my radar.

From the time I was out and about after Dd's birth, around 3-4 weeks old, she has been exposed to everything. We were at playgrounds, play groups, indoor play spaces, we took a mommy-kids class, etc. now, dd spent 99% of that to,e with in a sling or nursing, so it isn't like she was rolling around the McDonald's play place, lol. But DS was bringing whatever home. However, like I said, he wasn't a kid who was prone to illness, so it isn't like he was sick for days at home, giving the of germs to dd. she never got sick as a newborn.

I definitely prioritized getting DS out of my hair and off to preschool ASAP

[Willis Jackson]

Susan is right- the second kid is exposed to so much just because he/she is tagging along to the big kid's activities.

[dcrunnergirl]

When #3 is born in June, the kids will be staying in the daycare to maintain some normalcy. Either in September or the following January, they'll start at a regular preschool. I'm not really worried about the germs at all. There's no way they could stay in the house that long, especially when the weather is nice. #3 will start daycare around 3 months.

Both my kids started daycare at 4 months (3 months adjusted) and got RSV within the first 2 weeks, and they were fine. It was WAY worse for DH and I who were sick for 2 weeks. I think since then--in the past 2 years, we've had 3 sick child visits between the two of them and one was for a reaction to the chicken pox vaccine, so my kids (knock on wood) aren't particularly prone to getting really sick.

If you're really worried, could you keep DD home with the nanny for a few months after #2 arrives and then send her to preschool when #2 is a few months old and has a few vaccines under his/her belt.

[Deleted]

Jan 6, 2013 7:24:38 GMT -5 dcrunnergirl said:

If you're really worried, could you keep DD home with the nanny for a few months after #2 arrives and then send her to preschool when #2 is a few months old and has a few vaccines under his/her belt.

I am considering this for sure. DD does get sick A LOT--she seems to pick things up really easily, even when she was a 100% breastfed baby, even though we are hygiene/handwashing sticklers. And since I have asthma I am a hot mess when she passes respiratory illness along to me. The good news with that though is that I did the constantly-sick baby thing already with DD (she was in daycare) so I'm sure I can manage again with #2, however unpleasant it is.

It sounds like preschool will have more benefits for us than risks, which was kinda my initial thinking.

[Deleted]

Definitely preschool. 8:30-1:00 sounds perfect!