Accidentally pregnant

[anonymous91506]

Just took a test a minute ago. I have a 1st grader and an almost four year old and I'm pregnant. I've been taking the pill, but yes, did miss a couple. I've been having cramps and breast tenderness, but the flu has been going around, daughter stayed home last week. I also have been exercising and doing sit ups. I thought it could have been that. But in the back of my head, I kept wondering if I was pregnant.

So, I am. DH and I had been talking about him getting a vasectomy because we were done. I had wanted a baby a while ago, but decided I really didn't want to do the middle of the night thing and was so glad to not have to do diapers and we are almost to the point where DS won't get into bed with us every night.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I should tell DH right away, but don't know how to. I don't even remember the last time we had sex.

I know a lot of people here are getting pg on purpose, but please, help. And please don't flame me.

[Deleted]

You need to confirm with your doctor ASAP. I understand being conflicted and that's totally justified, you just need to discuss your options with your DH. Things happen, I'm sure he'll understand.

[anonymous91506]

The only question in my mind is if I should drive over to his office now and tell him or wait until later in the afternoon or after work. I don't want to keep anything from him, but yesterday was his birthday and I think they're taking him out to lunch. I know it's stupid, but I don't want to ruin his day.

[urbancowgirl]

I agree with everyone else- talk to your DH and decide what to do from there. I wanted to add that my doctor (PCP) told me it wasn't necessary for her to confirm my pregnancy because OTC tests are pretty accurate. She just had me make an appointment with an OB, who wouldn't see me until I was 8 or 9 weeks.

ETA- Just saw your update. I would wait until your DH gets home from work to tell him so that he can process the news at home.

[thumper55]

I would wait until later since he is celebrating today. It won't hurt to wait a few more hours.

I feel like I am done with having kids too. DH is open to it. I do occasionally miss pills as well - I would be floored if I got pregs.

You have time to think it over.

[bugandbibs]

Wait until he gets home. Process it together over the next few days. You have options.

Good luck.

[anonymous91506]

Nope. I took it in the bathroom at work after I dropped off my son at preschool.

[baconlettucetomato]

Wait until he gets home. Ours was a surprise as well but DH was home when I took the test so I could tell him right away.

[horseoutside]

Talk to your H when he gets home and take things from there. I hope everything turns out ok.

[joolz]

Totally don't feel guilty! And tell him after work so you guys can make a decision together about what to do.

[brooklyn]

I also got accidentally pregnant and was super nervous about telling my husband, since it was ridiculously bad timing. Don't tell him at work, tell him at home and give him some time to process it. It took a few days for the shock to wear off, but then we were able to rationally discuss our options. Do talk about it soon though, since there is a narrow timeframe to avail yourself of a few of the options. Feel free to pm me if you want. I made a ae post freaking out about my pregnancy at first too, but now we're both comfortable with our decision to keep the pregnancy. (we heavily considered abortion for a few days, so no flames here if that's the route you need to take)

[winecheery]

I don't know if you have had the chance to speak with your DH by now, but I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do re: the pregnancy. I hope you feel better soon.

[anonymous91506]

Well, told DH around 3:30, since I couldn't wait anymore. Funny enough, the thing he's most upset about is that I didn't tell him right away at work. He thought about it on the way home and he wants to keep it. At first I wanted to keep it and was writing down names. I'm just thinking about the diapers and the lack of sleep again and second guessing myself. Going to the doctor's tomorrow.

We joked that he must have super sperm since #1 took 2 weeks to show up, #2 took 3 months and #3 (God, scary just writing this) is a complete surprise!

[jessuhmarie]

Wishing you the best. You certainly don't have to make a decision right away! I hope the doctor can provide you with some more information about where you are in your pregnancy. Good luck!

[winecheery]

Thanks for the update, and I'll ditto jessuh. GL to you and your family.

[joolz]

I'm glad you updated, and hope you continue to do so!

[anonymous91506]

Just got back from the doc. The sac almost looked empty, so maybe ectopic pregnancy? There was a little teeny dot that we could barely see. It was beating the one second or so we could see it, but she said it was slow. So, blood draw for hormones, and back on Thursday. And this morning I was thinking abort, but after an hour or so in the waiting room and sitting next to a family w/ 3 kids, who knows?

[anonymous91506]

And at this point, it may just miscarry.

[baconlettucetomato]

How rough this has to be. I'm sorry you're going through such a period of unknown. Hang in there.

[jessuhmarie]

The HB could have just started beating. Did the doctor say how big the sac was measuring? Hopefully you will know more Thursday. It doesn't sound like ectopic though (a pregnancy that is not in the uterus). Continued thoughts for you and your family!

[anonymous91506]

I don't have anyone else to talk to, so thanks for letting me use you ladies as a sounding board. Right now, the biggest deal for me is not necessarily the baby. It's my husband. He's extremely angry at me. Yep. Though yes, it does take two to tango, he thought I was taking my bcp correctly, and I wasn't. So, it's my fault that we're pregnant and stuck in this conversation. (I agree that I am at least 75% responsible here.)
Yesterday, he said, he doesn't want another child, but he can't see getting an abortion. And he hates the situation I've put him in. I made the mistake and have effected *his* life. (I'm putting that nicer than he did.)
But on the other hand, he has said no matter how angry he is, he loves me and we will get through this together. But he won't talk to me while he's at work. He says he's barely holding it together. He's taking the stairs so he can lose it in there and he just wants to punch something, he's so angry.

It's not what I expected, this baby, but it's us. Even he agreed, it was made from love. I'm coming around to the idea. Not thrilled that we are gonna have to rearrange some things. (Mostly vacations we were looking forward to, unimportant things like that.) But life is what happens when you're busy making other plans, right?

I think I just need to leave him be so he can deal with it his own way and not push him. But until then, I am alone and have no one to talk to or lean on, and twinges of morning sickness suck.

[baconlettucetomato]

It is not fair for him to put the blame on you. Not at all. Ours was an accident too, and yeah, I was temping and stopped after I ovulated even though I apparently hadn't really Oed. My husband never would have blamed me. I would have junk punched him.

[anonymous91506]

I don't know. *I* think I'm mostly responsible. If I had taken it properly, it would have been 99% no baby. I didn't take it properly. It's a pain, but it's not hard. I could have (most likely) prevented this.

[baconlettucetomato]

I have struggled with blaming myself for this pregnancy the whole time because I didn't chart correctly. It has torn me apart and I have not been able to enjoy it. I cried myself to sleep for days even though DH said he didn't blame me. Please, do not blame yourself. People get pregnant on BCP even when taken properly, things happen.

[anonymous91506]

Thanks, BLT. Kinda just went off on DH because he asked me to just please reassure him that I didn't plan this.

[baconlettucetomato]

Jan 9, 2013 15:48:11 GMT -5 anonymous91506 said:

Thanks, BLT. Kinda just went off on DH because he asked me to just please reassure him that I didn't plan this.

Dh asked once and when I told him no, he dropped it. He knew further questions would result in a shanking. I hope he pulls his head out of his ass soon.

[joolz]

Exactly what esquire said. What do they teach teens these days? The only 100% effective birth control is abstinence?

It is way unfair of him to blame you. Seriously. Everyone misses pills sometimes, and even if you had taken it religiously, you could still have ended up pregnant. I don't think you blaming yourself is fair or reasonable in the circumstances. You're in a partnership. You deal with things like this as a unit.

[anonymous91506]

We had a good discussion last night. I think he's past the "this is unfair, I'm angry" stage. Went in for blood test #2, since it looked like I had an empty sac. We'll see by this afternoon if the hormonle levels are going up or not.

I don't think either of us want a third. (I had, a year or so ago, but he didn't, so I wasn't going to push him into something he didn't want.) We really like our little family just the way it is. We're both a little scared of what another would do. But, neither of us like the idea of having an abortion. I'm not feeling any morning sickness this morning, so who knows. It's just a waiting game right now.

[anonymous91506]

We decided, after many long discussions, to end the pregnancy.

It's one of the saddest, hardest decisions I've ever made. But I look at our family and want to hold onto it even harder. Went and did the medical (pill) version. Physically, it's not difficult. Just like a slightly heavy period. The mental part is totally messed up. I didn't really want to end the pregnancy, but for the same kind of reasons a teenager wants to have a baby. Just an "I wanna". But all the logical reasons led the other way.

I have a pro and con list that's about a page and a half on the "pro terminating" and one or two lines on the "con" list.

The biggest reason I chose this was because I want to be the best mom I can to the two I have already. The stress of a third, plus sleepless nights, plus stress between DH and I, plus making DC #2 a middle child, making DC #1 have extra responsibility, no $$ for extras already, plus another daycare? And at this point, it's all moot. It's over and done with.

[blindyswife]

((Hugs)) you've made the best decision for your family. You are strong and brave for doing so. I wish you peace as you come to terms with everything. I'll be thinking of you!