I've mentioned this before, but my mom and the mom of every single friend I had growing up stayed at home. Most of my family members stayed at home -- a couple were teachers who stayed at home until their kids were in school and then went back to work.
I had no idea most people had moms who worked until I went to college, and I had no professional female role models which I feel impacted my career choices.
My mom worked outside the home. I honestly didn't have much of an opinion about whether she should be home more with me since my dad had an awesome flexible schedule working for himself and he could take care of me if necessary.
So, my dad's schedule has more of an impact on what I wanted to do with my own family. I saw the sucky side of working for yourself when business was slow and money was really tight, but I also saw the upside of being your own boss, making your own schedule, being able to take a day off if your kid is sick or has a scheduled day off from school, etc. Sure, there were days on which my dad absolutely couldn't reschedule what he had to do and I was shipped off to a neighbor's for the day if there was no school, but there were also lots of days on which he stayed home with me if I was sick and was able to get his work done anyway.
When I was older, like 11 or 12, he also gave me small responsibilities having to do with his business, like typing up letters or organizing file cabinets, and I thought this was awesome.
I guess this contributed to my wanting to strike out on my own after DD was born. Sorry I veered from commenting on my mom specifically.
I didn't know many people with SAHMs while growing up and I didn't know anyone with a dad who worked for himself until I was in high school.
My mom was a teacher, but gave up teaching I believe when my second brother was little. She was primarily a SAHM but had a lot of other things she committed time to throughout us growing up including: substitute teaching, being a member of our school district's school board, serving on the board of a home for troubled children, and things like book clubs, Bible studies, other groups. She seemed to always have meetings to go to while we were at school and had events she was helping to organize.
I felt very lucky, most of the time, to have a SAHM, aside from when I being a rebellious teenager and it gave her too much time to check in on me. She was able to easily take us to appointments or give us rides places or drive us to our numerous activities. It also gave her the time to attend all those activities we participated in which my dad often could not because he traveled frequently for business and sometimes worked late. She may not have taught me the value of having a career, but she did teach us the value of being part of and contributing to a community through her work on boards and in other groups. It also helped in school, because she was able to use her education background to help us with our homework and projects and all four of us kids have done well throughout our school careers.
Just reading some of the comments above about female role models and career choices. Am I the only one who thought she could grow up and do what her dad did?
There really wasn't a gender divide in our house when it came to careers. My brothers and I were all encouraged to go into similar fields and when I came home complaining about my chemistry class one day, my father gave me a stern speech about never wanting to hear me say crap about girls not being good at science. (So it was just me who sucked at science, independent of whether I also happened to be a girl.)
Just reading some of the comments above about female role models and career choices. Am I the only one who thought she could grow up and do what her dad did?
There really wasn't a gender divide in our house when it came to careers. My brothers and I were all encouraged to go into similar fields and when I came home complaining about my chemistry class one day, my father gave me a stern speech about never wanting to hear me say crap about girls not being good at science. (So it was just me who sucked at science, independent of whether I also happened to be a girl.)
I definitely thought I could grow up and do what my dad did, in fact when I went to law school, that is exactly what I pursued. And I still would like to find a career in that field, but it is more difficult living abroad. I don't think either of my parents ever pushed us towards one field or another but tried to help us find out what we were interested in and what we enjoyed doing.
My mom worked crazy hours so she could support four kids and still see us. My much older siblings were around when she wasn't (usually I was sleeping) so I didn't notice just how bad it was. I guess you could say I was indifferent? Definitely not embarrassed.
I had no reason to be jealous of friends with SAHMs. She was around just as much as them. Also, mom stayed home with my brothers and sister. It just wasn't possible because my parents divorced when I was so young.
Just reading some of the comments above about female role models and career choices. Am I the only one who thought she could grow up and do what her dad did?
There really wasn't a gender divide in our house when it came to careers.)
Oh I was raised to believe fully that I could grow up and do anything! My dad didn't have a traditional job so I haven't really emulated him, but my parents never made anything about gender roles.
My mom SAH until I was about 12 then she went back to work in order to fund our college educations. It wasn't a "big" job but it was definitely financially necessary to the household.
I wasn't happy about it to be honest. I was used to having a lot more of her attention. Not only was she working more, but she had a long commute and was tired and stressed when she got home. We went from eating dinner every night together as a family to hardly ever doing so, that kind of thing. Both my brother and I got into a lot of trouble as teenagers, which contributes to my desire to SAH when my kids are older just to keep an eye on things.
I know she would have preferred to continue SAH though so that might have had something to do with all of our attitudes towards it.
My mom worked until I was 2 or 3, when my first sibling came around. I spent that time period with my grandparents. She then stayed home for multiple years until she started working part time overnights at a grocery store. That didn't really affect me, as she worked while I was sleeping, and still home during the day. When I was in either middle school or beginning high school, she began working full time outside the house with a 1 hour commute. I knew at the time that she was most likely only working because we needed the money but it did bug me as I was then stuck missing out on all the awesome after school activities with my friends due to having to go home and babysit.
I know it isn't MMM but since there were a lot of responses to the other thread I wondered if you had a working (outside the home) mom, how did you feel about it?
Did your mother have a "big job", or was she working to put food on the table, or somewhere in between? My mom worked in social services/mental health. She has a master's degree, but it still pays pretty horribly.
Were you proud, embarrassed, or indifferent about her working? When I was young I was indifferent. Now that I am older I am proud. Part of the reason I went back to school to get my Master's was because of her. She has two Master's degrees and it just makes me want to get mine so I can be a good working mom role model to my daugther.
Were you jealous of friends with SAHMs? Growing up I was. My parents were divorced and my mom had us during the week. She worked 8-5 with a 30 min commute. We were always the latch key kids and a lot of times couldn't do activities after school unless we had rides so a lot of times I was jealous of other kids whose parents were always there. She did the best she could. I remember fondly during the summer break from school she would always take Wednesday's off so she could spend some of our vacation with us and we didn't have to go to the babysitter on that day.
(I know this is a double standard with men so feel free to add comments about your dad working but since most of us are women I thought the working mom angle was more relevant) My dad was a school teacher and hated every minute of it. He definately wasn't your devoted teacher and worked 7:10-3:10 every day. He was always home. At the time it sucked because we didn't have a great relationship, but I can see how it was a good thing for us growing up. I hope to be in the middle ground between my mom and dad as far as work schedules. I think it will help though because DD does not have divorced parents so it won't be one person trying to do it all. .
Post by stingsharkruns on Jan 8, 2013 7:41:59 GMT -5
My parents divorced when I was 5, so she worked out of necessity. I only had one friend whose mom SAH, so I had no feelings about my Mom working. We went to my Grandparents after school, which was fine. She was always home to cook dinner and tuck us into bed.
1. My mom didn't get her big promotions until my sister and I were older, late teens. She wasn't working to put food on the table, but she worked to make things more comfortable and afford us extras that otherwise we probably would not have been able to do on 1 salary. My mom was also adamant about being financially independent should anything happen, and not even divorce, but something simple like if my father were to become disabled or worse case death.
2. I was always proud of what my mother did. She balanced work and being a mom successfully to me. She was still involved in our activities and I never felt that she put work first.
3. No, I think friends that had SAHMs had this extra sort of responsibility to always be available to their moms. Whereas I could call my mom when I got home from school, check-in and then not worry about it until she got home.
My mother worked and SAH during my childhood. Honestly I never thought about it. When I was really young she was a buyer for a kitchen supply store. The only thing I really remember about that job is my sister and I liked to play on the conveyor belt (not safe in retrospect). She worked at my dad's restaurant , she worked for the girls scouts running all of the various camps for a while and then went to teaching.
My mom worked part time. They had things set up so that they could live on my dad's full time income (he had a "big job") but hers supplemented and paid for new cars, vacations, and other non-essentials/luxuries.
I had friends with SAH moms, friends with working moms... as a kid it wasn't something I thought a lot about. I just accepted that this is what my mom did.
My mom always worked but she was a nurse, who worked at night PT, so it ended up being maybe one weekend a month? I don't remember having a "working mom" - I always think of her as a SAHM. When I was in elementary school she worked two days a week but that was awesome because babysitters were fun lol. She went back and got her BSN and then her MSN.
As we got older she started working FT in research and now is very successful at what she does, so it seems weird to think of her as a SAHM but those are my earliest memories (weird bc she never did SAH.).
My Mom always worked. She wasn't the breadwinner. At least I don't think. I wasn't privy to the details of my parents finances. She worked in male-dominated field as an electronics technician, which was kind of cool in that knew about electronics. When my sister and I bought a new car radio in high school and we told the salesperson that our mom was going to install it for us. He thought that was neat.
Now she does something completely different working as an advocate for mentally challenged adults.
I'm proud of her and was inspired by her being a working mom.
When I was younger, I was definitely jealous of friends sometimes with SAHMs. I thought it was neat how involved they were in their kids life and that they came to field trips, school events, etc.
Post by emilyinchile on Jan 8, 2013 8:42:23 GMT -5
My mom had a big job. We could have very comfortably lived on just one of my parent's salaries, but they both enjoyed their jobs and enjoyed the lifestyle it allowed us.
I always thought my mom's was SO glamorous - she was an international investment banker who sometimes traveled for work and spoke 3 other languages. I was very proud, and I think it was a great example for me to see her enjoy her job and also be so good at it.
I wasn't jealous of friends with SAHMs. I am basically an only child (much older half sister), and until I was 6 or 7 we had a live-in nanny, who I thought was like a cool older sister. So I was happy to have that during the day and then see my parents at night. As I got older, my mom was able to work from home more often, so I got the after school attention anyway. From my perspective, my mom had basically the perfect schedule, and I hope I can emulate that.
My mom varied a lot in her employment status while we were growing up (in and out of substituting, a lot of long term assignments, full time teaching, SAH) and I can't say that I was "proud" one way or another. It just was what it was. I don't remember which friends had SAHM or working moms, other than one who was a school nurse so I know what she did. If anything, I jealously wish my mom would have worked more so we could have afforded more things, but she was doing what she thought was best for us as we went through different phases growing up.
Just reading some of the comments above about female role models and career choices. Am I the only one who thought she could grow up and do what her dad did?
There really wasn't a gender divide in our house when it came to careers. My brothers and I were all encouraged to go into similar fields and when I came home complaining about my chemistry class one day, my father gave me a stern speech about never wanting to hear me say crap about girls not being good at science. (So it was just me who sucked at science, independent of whether I also happened to be a girl.)
Not the only one, my dad was an electronic technician, I wanted to go to school to that or something like that. My mom pushed me to do whatever.
My mom was a SAHM until high school then she went back to school, got a crappy job to make up for her retirement. She mentions its something she should have never done- and if she had been working would of been able to provide more to her kids and not stressing out my father since he was sole provider. I can understand her reasoning now.
She was there for everything though, she never did anything for herself though, so when someone mentions SAHM I think about what she did- Cooking, cleaning, laundry, cooking 3 meals a day, prep snacks, all errands and my dad would just magically walking in from a stressful day into a perfect household.
My mom SAH until we moved to upstate NY when I was 7. She began a series of daycare, merchandising and retail jobs and was unhappy about it. I don't think she stayed in any position more than 3 years, usually claiming that management was horrible or it was hurting her health. Because her income was unsteady, her spending habits were frequent, and my parents had a mortgage with a variable rate, it really harmed them financially in the long run and they declared bankruptcy my senior year in high school and we lost our house a few weeks before I graduated. She also just kept telling me I 'deserved' to go to college and should study what I love, when that wasn't very practical advice for our financial situation. She was honestly a poor role model for making the best of a bad situation and doing what needed to be done to make things stable; I honestly resent her for not being more realistic and accepting (or perhaps just biting the bullet and divorcing my dad since they were both miserable and divorced when I was 22 anyway). My stepmother has been a much stronger role model to me as a career woman. She began working in HR/reception right out of high school, earned an associates degree while working full time and left her position after 42yrs working in the same building when they cut her job; and she now works as town clerk. I don't love my job right now, but she's always there for the pep talk and keeping me focused on how what I do as a working mom is important for my family, especially since I am the breadwinner and carry our health insurance. My instinct is to run and hide like my mom did since work makes me unhappy right now, but I know better too and I'm thankful my stepmom for her support and encouragement.
My mother worked part time and continues to do so. She worked various part time jobs based on her interest and the needs of our family. At one point she worked a job that was frequently 8 pm - 1 am so that she could be there for us after school and then my dad could take over. My family would have been financially ok without her income, but it allowed my brother and I to have ballet/karate classes, soccer, piano lessons, cellos and violins, etc. as well as fun family vacations.
I felt indifferent to it. She was still around for everything and it gave us nice things. I never felt deprived and I wasn't jealous of friends with SAHMs because I generally got to do better things.
She frequently wonders now what her life would be if she had pursued a career instead of the path she chose, but I think it's more of a "what if..." thing than regret.
My mom stayed at home until both kids were in elementary school (8 years) then went back to work. She was definitely a career mom (accountant) and the breadwinner in our house. I was always proud of her and intended to also be a career mom.
Post by runblondie26 on Jan 8, 2013 10:11:45 GMT -5
My mom was a nurse, but worked 3am-11am for most of my elementary/middle school years. The only ill-effect it had on me was the terrrible way my dad did my hair in the morning before I was old enough to do it myself.
My dad had his own successful medical practice running by the time I was in H.S., so she just did random office assistance stuff for him to keep busy duing the day.
My mom worked in a hospital my whole life. She is a radiology tech and good at it. She's made a great living for herself but I wouldn't say it's a "big career" by any means. I never knew different and I never thought/worried about it or wished it were different. I didn't know people had moms who didn't work, actually. Or if I did I guess it didn't register.
My mom worked part time as a travel agent and then became a realtor when I was a freshman in high school (which she still does today). My father owned his own business so she helped him with that too. Between the two of them I never had to go to school pre- or post-care. One or both were always there, at every event, play, swim meet and after school pick up. They made a lot of sacrifices for that and I am still grateful.
My parents owned and operated a business. Before that my mom had a "big" job - she was a bond trader at a major bank. Quit to have me, I'm the firstborn. Then she SAH for a few years until we were in preschool/kindergarten age.
My parents worked a lot and were very financially successful, but they had a lot of flexibility. My parents often worked from home after that, my dad was always on the phone.
I do know they were stressed, particularly my mom, but as we got older, like 13+, we didn't need them around as much. We could walk from school, do our own homework w/o supervision, get food, etc. That helped.
If my mom didn't work, she prob would have gone crazy. I call her the most efficient person I know - she's constantly doing something and doing it quickly.
Very proud of her for working - my grandmother worked on the NYSE and was a manager. When she retired, a hall in the NYSE was named after her. I come from a long line of working, sufficient women. As a result, my family has always been financially comfortable. Hard work is prided and respected in my family.
I never felt like I was jealous of SAHMs, b/c my mom and/or dad could pick me up from school or activities and we ate dinner as a family most nights.
Just reading some of the comments above about female role models and career choices. Am I the only one who thought she could grow up and do what her dad did?
There really wasn't a gender divide in our house when it came to careers. My brothers and I were all encouraged to go into similar fields and when I came home complaining about my chemistry class one day, my father gave me a stern speech about never wanting to hear me say crap about girls not being good at science. (So it was just me who sucked at science, independent of whether I also happened to be a girl.)
My dad worked a very physical blue collar job that I would NEVER want to do and that few women (if any?) do. He also worked a ton of overtime. It was a great career for him and for our family, but absolutely NOT what I would want to do nor really a model/inspiration for a white collar career.
However, he was and still is a great example of work ethic and doing whatever it takes to provide a solid income for your household. So yes, that's a great role model, just not that helpful when trying to navigate college/the corporate world.
Just reading some of the comments above about female role models and career choices. Am I the only one who thought she could grow up and do what her dad did?
There really wasn't a gender divide in our house when it came to careers. My brothers and I were all encouraged to go into similar fields and when I came home complaining about my chemistry class one day, my father gave me a stern speech about never wanting to hear me say crap about girls not being good at science. (So it was just me who sucked at science, independent of whether I also happened to be a girl.)
I never thought I had real limitations to my career choices until I was older and I realized my skills/talents. My dad is an aerospace engineer and I'm abysmal at math so that's not really an option.
I'm from a LCOL, ruralish area where SAHMs were the norm and our dads worked blue collar jobs. Mom took small jobs as we got older. It was nice having her home but I never had the model of a woman w/a career. My mom is really smart and, unlike dad, went to college but she never had a career. I think that's made it tougher for me to envision how/what I want my life to be w/kids.
My mom was a teacher before she married my dad, quit after they got married and SAH for 10 years and went back to work when they divorced. There were times when I wished she could have been our room mom or done more during the day, but with her teaching schedule, she was home pretty early, had the same vacations and was home with us all summer, so I wasn't bothered at all.