s/o Let's talk working moms

[RoxMonster]

My mom worked because she had to. If she could've, I know she would have preferred to stay home with me. Honestly I liked it. It gave me a great role model to look up to (NOT saying SAHM's are not role models; just that she showed me you can be a great mom and still have a job too).

I also liked it because I was able to grow so close to my grandparents who watched me after school and on summer break. They are like a second set of parents to me and I am so thankful I got to spend so much quality time with them.

I was indifferent at the time about her working but now looking back on how much she did, I am proud. I was not jealous of SAHMs because like I said, I got quality time with my grandparents and also, most of my friends' moms worked too.

[Deleted]

My mom never had a career. she went from SAHM, to working in retail, to dental assistant, then worked for my dad. She worked most of the time, out of necessity, but never worked crazy hours like me.

DH's mom was a SAHM and makes comments all the time that she disapproves of our life. Saying things like we need to have a "live in," etc.

[IrishBelle]

I think my mom worked to help put food on the table and because she wanted to. She went back to work when my youngest brother went to kindergarten. She worked in the office at our school so she was still home with us after school and on summer holidays, etc.

I don't remember any of my friends having moms who stayed home so for me it was just something that moms did. My mom was still able to take us to piano lessons after school and swimming lessons in the summers so I really don't think it was too different than it would have been if she had been a SAHM.

[hannamaren]

Up until age 8, my Mom was home. It was lovely. I was a sucky-baby so I needed her. Or maybe her being at home made me sucky....
It was nice that she could come to my school field trips and pizza days, etc.
my Mom went back to work part time after that.
Then when I was 14, she worked from home. That sucked because you want more space as a teen.

[brooklyn]

My mom is a chemical/steam engineer. I've always been super proud of her. We grew up in Manhattan, and with both of my parents working, they were able to send me to private/catholic schools, and fully fund college for my sister and I. I was always super proud of her, and thought she had a much cooler job than the moms of my friends. I don't think any of my friends had SAHMs. I got to go on tours of the power plant she worked at for "Take Your Daughter to Work Day"

She worked 7am-3pm everyday so that she's be home shortly after I got home from school. She did end up hiring a nanny/housekeeper to watch us after school before she got home, and later started paying her to come in in the mornings and do our hair after she realized my dad wasn't bothering to brush our hair before taking us to school. That nanny is like a second mother to me, and I think it's great that I had more people in my life who love me.

She always emphasized the importance of making enough to support yourself, and not depending on others. I admire her work ethic and work/life balance. Now that I'm pregnant, I feel kinda bad that I don't have a real career to impress my kids with. I plan on being a mostly SAHM and working part time evening/weekends at my current job when our son arrives. I do feel bad that my husband will have to pick up the slack on earning to support us. (My job doesn't pay enough to make it worth it to put our kid in daycare/with a nanny.

[marylou]

My mom was a single mother so she absolutely worked, and it never even occurred to me that she wouldn't. I don't think I truly even understood that some moms didn't work outside of the house at all until high school, so I definitely never resented her for it or was jealous of friends with SAHMs.

[y4m]

My mom worked and we guilted the hell out of her for it, because everyone we knew had SAHMs. I feel really guilty about that in retrospect.

[Deleted]

My mom worked in health care administration. While there have been times in my parents marriage when she didn't HAVE to work, there were other times when if not for her career they would have been bankrupt.

I admire the hell out of my mom for being as successful as she is.

[Deleted]

My mom worked minimum wage type jobs most of my life. I always knew she was working to give us the best they could. I never resented it, ever. I also don't have a single memory of a friend who had a SAHM. Everyone worked.

[gogreengowhite]

My mom was a SAHM until my sister was in school and then she went back to teaching.

She went back to work because she was getting 'bored' (her words). I kind of resented her working because she would always take 90% of the 'at risk' kids in her grade. She is such an amazing teacher, but she would be absolutely drained by the time she got home. She used to say "do not talk to each other, do not look at each other, just don't!"

I'm starting to realize I'm becoming like her, mentally exhausted by the time I get home. I don't like the mom I'm becoming so this year I'm working on a better balance. I need to let work go when I get home.

[Deleted]

My Mom was/is a Special Ed teacher. She's also 70 so maybe a different generation than other MM people's Moms. She SAHM for 12 yrs too & then went back to work to teach severely handicapped children. I admired her, just visiting that school shaped a lot of my world views. She was super human to me & a crazy amazing housewife. Too bad my parents disliked each other so much. She did not work to put food on the table at all. She kept all the money she made & bought real estate, fine art, saved, etc with it.

I was proud of my mom, but I also loved when she was a SAHM too.

None of my friends had mothers with big careers. Most were teachers turned SAHMs or uneducated beyond HS. I felt bad for friends with moms who had to work, especially menial jobs.

My Dad was a bank executive. He made a good salary but I doubt he worked hard most days. I went & saw him at work all the time, he never was too busy for us (my friends & I). My dad worked 9-5 at most....bankers hours & 1.5 blocks from home. It was a cushy job & my mom did everything at home. In hindsight he had a sweet set up.

[flygirl22]

My mom worked full time until I was 5 (to put food on the table) and part time from then until I was in high school. She went back to school while in Junior High.

I loved day care, I know working made my mom happy at least after she got her degree so that is what made me happy. My dad is a pastor and wasn't around much, I guess I resented him for not being there so I do think that both my parents having a "Big Job" would have really sucked. A 8-5 job? perfectly happy

[Deleted]

Women in my family have always worked. Never gave it any thought. It was simply normal.

[Deleted]

Jan 7, 2013 21:06:55 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

Did your mother have a "big job", or was she working to put food on the table, or somewhere in between? She was a single mom and worked for my grandpa until I was 8 and she became sick. She went back to work when I was 13.

Were you proud, embarrassed, or indifferent about her working
I didn't mind when I was younger. When I was a teenager I was somewhat embarassed because she never could hold down a regular job that could pay the bills. She was the type that would take a job that made her happy even if she couldn't put food on the table or pay the phone bill.
Were you jealous of friends with SAHMs? I was but I think I was more jealous of the stability. My mom was home from ages 8-13 but she never cooked a meal, didn't clean or do laundry, and generally neglected the normal SAHM duties even when she was well.
I am sorry if this sounds like I am bashing my mom. I am truly not trying to do that. I love my mom very much but I don't really think she was ideal mom material. Now that I am older I can see and appreciate her weaknesses and strengths in a way that I couldn't as a kid. When I was younger I would just get disappointed or embarrassed. Now I just accept who she is and move forward.

[pugz]

My parents are both attorneys. Mom worked PT at a university and owned and published a law newspaper on the side. Things were tight financially but she couldn't work FT after she was diagnosed with MS. We were 12, 2, and newborn when she was diagnosed. 7 years later she was diagnosed with Crohns and she retired at the age of 43 to lower her stress level and focus on her health. She has had no Crohns or MS flare ups since then, almost 20 yrs ago, but she was permanently disabled and the damage could not be undone.

I adore my mom and was glad she was home, but wish it had been under better circumstances for her.

[heygrey]

My mom worked part time in the school district (bus driver, one on one aid, other low paying gigs as available) so that she could have breaks with me, save on day care costs, but still contribute financially since they needed more than just what my dad made.

My parents are very much work to live people and never aspired to make more money than needed to meet their basic needs. They are both hard working and have great work ethics, but the idea of sacrificing any amount of family time to get ahead in their jobs is just not something that would have crossed their minds. Even though they have been in the same positions/industries for the better part of three decades now, I wouldn't say either of them have careers. They have jobs that pay the bills and they don't hate going to work everyday.

I'd say I'm largely indifferent to their work choices. I am really thankful for all the family time we had though.

Eta: I didn't have any friends whose parents had "big jobs". Most families were similar to mine - working dad, part time working mom. We lived in a very blue collar, low income area.

[kadams767]

I actually have the opposite view. My mom was a SAHM and I kind of resented her for that. It was not a good choice and she should have worked, at least part time. I don't think there was any benefit to either her or me in her staying home. I didn't have many friends with SAHMs, and the ones who did were pretty wealthy. We were poor and went without a lot, it was ridiculous that she didn't work. I was embarrassed a lot by that.

[jena]

My mom is an engineer, one the first ones in her industry. My dad... He had his mid-life crisis early. He stayed home with me for 5 years in the 70s, but then they divorced.

I did one year in daycare before my grandma moved in to take care of me. Then it was like I had a typical SAHM experience, with grandma cooking dinner, sewing, volunteering at school, and taking me to scouts, piano, etc.


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[pugz]

Jan 7, 2013 21:44:17 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

pugz - I did not realize / remember we were both have two lawyer parents and did not become lawyers ourselves! Also 3 kids in each family... did any of your siblings become lawyers? (mine did not)

I didn't realize that either!

no other lawyers on either side of the family. Brother got his Phd in philosophy and is a professor, I'm a social worker, and my sister is an admin asst. working on an associates. We're kind of a random bunch

[martini]

My mom was a SAHM to my older brothers. Once I came along, my parents started a business together so she stayed home with me most of the time and did work while I was in preschool. The business grew so eventually I went in with her in the afternoons so she could get things done. I have fond memories of "helping" in the office. Lol

Most of my friend's moms SAH. But mine still made it to programs and stuff so I don't think I really noticed that there was any difference.

[Deleted]

My mom SAH until I was in jr high, then went back to work part time. She eventually went back to college and got her degree, but it was really only 1 class at a time while I was living at home, she did the bulk of her schooling after I went off to college.

I don't resent her choices, and I'm proud of her for going back and getting a degree. With that said, I do sometimes wonder if I would feel differently about working/having kids if she had been a career woman. She's a nurse now, but hates her job and really has never liked a job as long as I've known her. I have absolutely no clue how to handle working and being a parent- you guys make it sound scary, and sadly this board is more of a frame of reference in this than my upbringing. Again, I don't begrudge her for staying home and have a lot of great memories because of it. But I do sometimes wish someone in my life had been a model of what it is like to be a career woman, especially in terms of being a mom on top of it.

[macmars45]

My mom was a kindergarten teacher for most of her working life (post college). While my sisters and I were under 6 she only worked half days and then returned to full days when we were all in school full days as well. She worked to "put food on the table" (There are 5 kids in my family) and also because she loved it.

I'm proud of her! Insanely proud. ;D If I can be half as good of a teacher as my mom was, I'll be happy. She was amazing with those 5-6 year olds!

All of my elm years I thought all families had both parents working, so no I wasn't jealous of other kids whose moms were SAHM. When I was older it didn't matter.

When I have kids (hopefully in about 2 years), I plan on working part-time like my mom and then going full-time when they're older (1st grade). Thankfully I work for a school district and full-time will be 30-32 hours/week. That way I can be home at an early time to be with my future elementary, middle & high schoolers and be able to take them to & from after school activities with ease. Also having all the same breaks as them will be helpful. That's my current plan anyways.

My MIL was a SAHM as well as my H & SIL's teacher. When H and I first started getting serious he really wanted the way he grew up (in those two areas) for our future kids. I told him that I don't feel qualified to home-school and I have no desire to do so with our future kids. They are going to public school and I'm working.

[Deleted]

My mom worked out of necessity, and still does. My MIL never worked and didn't need to. Neither parents
Have judged our choices to be working parents. Actually, FIL has but I ignore it.

[7costanza]

My mom worked PT until my younger sister was in high school, and then switched jobs within the same org she has been with since before I was born to be able to work FT due to financial issues. It was normal for our area to have both parents working, although my mom was able to drop us off and pick us up from school due to her PT status.

I'm indifferent about it - it's not like my mom had some high powered job that I was proud of, it was (and is) a totally dead-end, low pay job she complained about constantly. I am glad she worked, because we would have been dirt poor if she didn't. As it was, we were lower/middle middle class.

[limey]

My mother was a professor. That's somewhere between starving and big dog financially speaking, but I was very proud of her by the time I got old enough to comprehend what that meant.

I was never jealous of friends that had SAHMs. By the time I got to middle school and there started to be socially enforced gender divides for math and science, I was very happy to have a female role model that didn't believe in this sort of thing.

My parents got to the big dog place in a round about way that is irrelevant to this thread.

[gt7301b]

My mom worker PT as an engineer, but she hated it. My stepfather has been the main breadwinner as long as I can remember. While I was in college she went back to school and got her master's degree in education.

[SJ]

In the town where we grew up, it seemed most families had a SAHM.

My mom and dad always worked but neither ever had a traditional career. My dad is a commercial photographer and my mom does his books and runs his business. She also worked part time at a variety of other jobs and did the books for other companies.

Since my parents worked together, they set their own hours. Mom always dropped us off at school and picked us up and had lunch with us in elementary school (most kids went home for lunch). Both of them were at all school plays, sports games, conferences, etc. but neither was a FT SAHP.

I always knew we didn't have the kind of money that most families in our town did. No big deal. My parents were very young when they had us, had tremendous parental support, and made lots of stupid financial decisions.

My parents definitely modeled a non-traditional path for us. They spent almost 24 hours a day together throughout most of my childhood and remained the best of friends.

After my brother went to college, my mom went back to get her master's degree and now works a FT career job. She was done having all kids by 25 and was in her early 40's with an empty nest so fully plans to work many more years.

My H also grew up with 2 parents who both worked in non-traditional jobs.

Neither of us envision SAH but neither of us envision working 60 hour weeks either.

[ijack]

Both my parents worked to provide. They were very lucky in that my dad worked 6-3 and my mom worked 3-11 (pretty sure not FT) so their child care costs were down. They both raised us equally.
I don't remember many of my friends having SAHP - I mean a couple, but since my mom was usually hope during the day I wasn't jealous of them.

[starlily]

My mom worked night shifts as a nurse so that she could still be at home during after school hours.

Working moms were the norm in our circle. I never felt jealous of kids with SAHMs.

[Deleted]

My mom worked outside the home. She worked what I thought were normal hours growing up --- leave the house after I went to school and be home shortly after I got home from school.....

Fast forward to high school, private school -- when there was a "Mother's Guild" club that met every month at 11 am.... my mother could never attend or participate (b/c she worked!) and I started to feel bad that I didn't have a SAHM -- dumb I know now!

Fast forward to my 30's and my perception of a dual income household growing up and what I thought we could do for our family WILL NEVER WORK. My parents were full time but NOT in CORPORATE AMERICA... I feel that Corporate America sucks all your hours and it's nearly impossible to advance one's career without a SAHspouse. I have been out of Corporate America for 3 years, would like to return someday but no way would it be possible without a full time nanny and I don't want anyone raising our kids but us. Tough position to be in.