Got an email from my toxic aunt

[gozf]

And I'm bummed out. She bums me out. She's manipulative and has real trouble telling the truth, and she has a lot of addiction issues and a personality disorder or two thrown in for funsies. She's also really smart and funny and talented.

We used to be close, but then she got really weird and pulled a few pretty unspeakable stunts. I've shut her out, big time. I still see her on Christmas and at funerals and weddings and such, but that's about it. She emails me a couple of times a year, expressing sorrow that we're no longer close. I'm sorry about it, too. I really am. But I don't want to get sucked in to her weirdness again, so I won't consider rekindling anything. She crossed so many lines, without an apology.

I miss being a kid and looking up to her. I miss being impressed with her writing and her taste in music, and hanging out with her and feeling grown up and smart. Those days looooong gone.


Blah. It makes me sad.

[Deleted]

i'm so sorry. i feel exactly the same way about my namesake asshole aunt. she was my idol, and now i'd do pretty much anything to avoid being like her.

[lightbulbsun]

I'm sorry She sounds a lot like my grandma (without the addiction issues).

({) (})

[gozf]

Jan 9, 2013 14:53:21 GMT -5 cville said:

i'm so sorry. i feel exactly the same way about my namesake asshole aunt. she was my idol, and now i'd do pretty much anything to avoid being like her.

Yes. This is exactly it.

Sometimes, I really feel like the asshole. Like, maybe I should just get over all of it. I love her, I do. And I forgive her. But I can't ever hang out with her or be close to her again.

[Deleted]

yeah. i guess it helps that my aunt has cut everyone in my family out of her life and decided that we're all awful and terrible. so there isn't any of that "but i miss youuuuuuuuu" going on with me. mainly, at this point, i'm just sad for my cousin. i'm scared she's going to end up in a not-rich little edie/big edie situation in about 10 years.

[gozf]

Yikesss! I love watching Grey Gardens, but I would not want to live it!

I'm really glad that my aunt never had kids. That would have gone poorly. She has a very obese cat who is unaffected by her shenanigans. She didn't even make him obese. She adopted him that way, which might have been the one truly kind and altruistic move in her lifetime -- she adopted a fat, senior cat.

[chalupabatman]

I'm sorry, this sounds really hard.

[mamasaurus]

That sucks.

[Deleted]

That sucks, I'm sorry.

[scotty]

Sounds like you have healthy boundaries. It sucks when people are not the people that they used to be/we thought they were.

[pantsparty]

This is exactly me with my aunt. She's the one who signed my grandmother's inheritance over to herself while my grandmother was in hospice (instead of being split between my mom and all siblings). So so sad. She was my idol growing up.

[walterismydog]

Something similar happened with me with one of my favorite aunts. It's hard getting older and seeing these people you worshiped at one point are kind of wackadoodle, and not in an endearing way. I think that's a hard part of getting older, so I choose to remember her for who she was when I was a kid and limit contact with her in her present life. She's just too much to handle.

I'm sorry this is happening with you, it's rough to have these feelings.

[gozf]

Jan 9, 2013 15:17:43 GMT -5 @booby said:

::: pulls up a chair ::::

what did she do to muddle your relationship with her?

I started to feel weird because, any time we hung out from the time I was about 17 on, she would use it as an opportunity to get wasted. She stole beer and liquor from my friends when she visited me at college. She got so drunk in NYC one day (and we're talking day -- we're talking before lunch) that she lost speech. She also pissed herself while at lunch with my friend. There were lots of little things like that, none of which are dealbreakers in and of themselves, but added up quite quickly.

The piece de resistance, however, is that she asked me to sleep with her husband, because she wanted a "solid" reason for leaving him. She figured that everyone would blame him for taking advantage of me, so I'd be in the clear, reputation-wise, with the family. When I told her no fucking way, she said she was sorry. And then she offered me $5,000. To seduce her spouse, who I've known since I was eight years old.

Soooo, yeah. Do not trust.

[Deleted]

w.t.f.

yeah. good on you cutting her out.

[gozf]

Jan 9, 2013 15:52:05 GMT -5 @booby said:

whaaaaaaa

ok, this was NOT what i was expecting at all.

i don't blame you. but yeah, i can see that it would suck to lose your cool aunt.

lol! I certainly wasn't expecting it, either!!!

It was ages ago, when I was 22. But that's not the kind of thing that one lets go easily. I never told my folks, or her husband. Probably because I was a kid, and really freaked out.

[gozf]

It takes a lot for me to cut people off entirely! I'm pretty zen!

Uncle-fucking, though? That's a line I won't cross.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Ohhh, that aunt! OMG dude. I totally get the uneasy feelings. yuck

[fuckyourcouch]

i'm sorry gozf. hugs.

[gozf]

Thank, FYC. Yeah, whenever I get misty and nostalgic, I remember that she asked me to bang her husband and that she peed herself in front of my fancy TV producer friend. That snaps me out of it pretty quickly.

[fuckyourcouch]

omg. that is uh...crazy.

the majority of my mom's side of the family has been cut out of my life, and my H's family is insane. i'm glad i don't have to deal with their shit, but i also have some good memories from childhood and it sucks from time to time. i get it.