Need advice - child support/SAHD issue

[Deleted]

The only negative that jumps out at me is whether he plans to return to working when your child is in school. Can he do anything to keep his resume current?

[Mushe]

There are a ton of variables, but what I'd look at is what his current order is based on (the income). So long as he pays as ordered, hopefully the other parent wouldn't request a modification.

If the other parent does seek to modify at some point, the court would look to impute income to him based on his ability and opportunity.

Is the relationship with your DSS's mother okay? If so, you guys should be able to come up with an agreement if she feels the amount should be modified.

[formerlyak]

Who is responsible for insuring SS, and if it is him, can you put SS on your insurance?

[mellymel]

I am not in your situation but my DH is a SAHD. The thing that jumped out at me was how you said you would "give/pay your DH the $ he needs to cover child support." I am cringing bc if he is going to be a SAHD you really need to treat your $ as "our" money (instead of feeling like you are "giving" him money like an allowance) or the dynamic is going to be really awkward/bad for your DH I think.

[livinitup]

I'm no expert but I think there comes a point where all bills/debt is family debt. It may make everyone feel better to designate his earnings to his child support payment, but you've clearly reached a point that what's best for your family and family finances is to not separate it out. At least not for a year or three.

[sweetnsour]

I think SAHD have the same issues as SAHM. Does he ever want to return to the workforce? If so, can he keep his skills up. Would he feel isolated? Does he know other SAHP? It can be lonely if he isn't getting out of the house. Would he have issues with you giving him money? Does he have equal access to the $$ when not working? Would it embarass him to say he is a SAHD? Are you okay with him having more time with the baby? Would you resent him? These are the questions my hubby and I have discussed.

[Mushe]

Jan 10, 2013 18:22:44 GMT -5 @esquirefish said:

Jan 10, 2013 18:18:37 GMT -5 Mushe said:

There are a ton of variables, but what I'd look at is what his current order is based on (the income). So long as he pays as ordered, hopefully the other parent wouldn't request a modification.

If the other parent does seek to modify at some point, the court would look to impute income to him based on his ability and opportunity.

Is the relationship with your DSS's mother okay? If so, you guys should be able to come up with an agreement if she feels the amount should be modified.

I know the agreement assumes he will earn a certain minimum regardless of whether he actually falls under that during a given year (given his education and what he was doing when the divorce happened ages ago).

The relationship with DSS's mom is not ok.

I'm sorry to hear about the relationship.

Since the agreement spells out minimum income for him already, I wouldn't be as worried about her requesting a modification (or getting one). My concern is if she's litigious, she could hassle you all and cost you money to litigate, even if the order ends up not changing much. If she requested a modification, you could always run an increased imputed income in your calculator program to see if she'd agree to it.

[sweetnsour]

Jan 10, 2013 18:27:56 GMT -5 @esquirefish said:

Jan 10, 2013 18:22:47 GMT -5 mellymel said:

I am not in your situation but my DH is a SAHD. The thing that jumped out at me was how you said you would "give/pay your DH the $ he needs to cover child support." I am cringing bc if he is going to be a SAHD you really need to treat your $ as "our" money (instead of feeling like you are "giving" him money like an allowance) or the dynamic is going to be really awkward/bad for your DH I think.

I don't like looking at it that way either - however, I phrased it that way because if I am PERSONALLY paying child support directly from my account (DH and I have separate accounts) to his ex, am I exposing myself to any sort of liability?

DH and I have always maintained separate accounts for these reasons - "my" money has always been our money, but "his" money is for child support. And when DSS is in our house, anything we do with him that costs money comes from "my" money (since that is technically the joint money) - like little league fees, toys, vacations, etc.

Why not transfer the money to his account so it still comes from there?

[Mushe]

Oh, okay - on the liability issue. If you have separate accounts, your bank account cannot be attached to pay his back child support, if he had any. If he isn't working he'd likely be added to your account, so if he has any arrears, the entire balance is subject to levy.

Does that help, and/or answer the question?

[mellymel]

Jan 10, 2013 18:27:56 GMT -5 @esquirefish said:

Jan 10, 2013 18:22:47 GMT -5 mellymel said:

I am not in your situation but my DH is a SAHD. The thing that jumped out at me was how you said you would "give/pay your DH the $ he needs to cover child support." I am cringing bc if he is going to be a SAHD you really need to treat your $ as "our" money (instead of feeling like you are "giving" him money like an allowance) or the dynamic is going to be really awkward/bad for your DH I think.

I don't like looking at it that way either - however, I phrased it that way because if I am PERSONALLY paying child support directly from my account (DH and I have separate accounts) to his ex, am I exposing myself to any sort of liability?

DH and I have always maintained separate accounts for these reasons - "my" money has always been our money, but "his" money is for child support. And when DSS is in our house, anything we do with him that costs money comes from "my" money (since that is technically the joint money) - like little league fees, toys, vacations, etc.

Got it, thanks for the clarification. I am not 100% sure of the answer in this case but I am glad you'll be talking to your lawyer. Good luck with whatever you decide!

[mellymel]

Jan 10, 2013 18:30:38 GMT -5 sweetnsour said:

Jan 10, 2013 18:27:56 GMT -5 @esquirefish said:

I don't like looking at it that way either - however, I phrased it that way because if I am PERSONALLY paying child support directly from my account (DH and I have separate accounts) to his ex, am I exposing myself to any sort of liability?

DH and I have always maintained separate accounts for these reasons - "my" money has always been our money, but "his" money is for child support. And when DSS is in our house, anything we do with him that costs money comes from "my" money (since that is technically the joint money) - like little league fees, toys, vacations, etc.

Why not transfer the money to his account so it still comes from there?

This seems like a good suggestion

[formerlyak]

Jan 10, 2013 18:23:59 GMT -5 @esquirefish said:

Jan 10, 2013 18:20:18 GMT -5 formerlyak said:

Who is responsible for insuring SS, and if it is him, can you put SS on your insurance?

DSS goes on his mom's insurance (technically his step-dad's insurance, she doesn't work). If he came to live with us full time, then he could come on my insurance (I once looked that up, as long as he is a minor in my house full-time, he can go on).

That's the big one for me if you can handle finances without your dh's salary. My ds is insured by my ex, but my ex isn't the most reliable and he works for the state and those jobs in my state aren't reliable, so we looked into it as well. Fi's job will let him insure ds as long as we have been living together 6 months regardless of marital status. Super generous!

[Deleted]

look at your state. Obviously you should support your DSS but in some states you aren't expected to work if you are the caregiver of a child under 5

[formerlyak]

Jan 10, 2013 18:36:11 GMT -5 @esquirefish said:

Jan 10, 2013 18:31:52 GMT -5 Mushe said:

Oh, okay - on the liability issue. If you have separate accounts, your bank account cannot be attached to pay his back child support, if he had any. If he isn't working he'd likely be added to your account, so if he has any arrears, the entire balance is subject to levy.

Does that help, and/or answer the question?

Yeah, this is my fear. He wouldn't have arrears (and never has), but I also want to make sure that DSS's mom doesn't decide that she can come after my income or anything weird like that.

I think her ability to come after your income depends on your state. I know once I am married this summer, fi's income will be taken into account in child support calculations. I don't know if that means if I am out of work, the money would have to come from his income or not. And it could be more complicated if your dh's ex lives in a different state than you do (sorry, I know you are in NY, but I am not sure if your dh's ex is).

[EmilieMadison]

Jan 10, 2013 18:36:11 GMT -5 @esquirefish said:

Jan 10, 2013 18:31:52 GMT -5 Mushe said:

Oh, okay - on the liability issue. If you have separate accounts, your bank account cannot be attached to pay his back child support, if he had any. If he isn't working he'd likely be added to your account, so if he has any arrears, the entire balance is subject to levy.

Does that help, and/or answer the question?

Yeah, this is my fear. He wouldn't have arrears (and never has), but I also want to make sure that DSS's mom doesn't decide that she can come after my income or anything weird like that.

But she isnt the one who would get to decide if she can use/come after your income, that's up to the courts and the laws of your specific state.

Choosing to be a SAHD shouldn't negate his financial responsibility regarding child support, because he's capable of working and earning income IMO. The court can ultimately decide how much that should be and if it will change based on his voluntary SAH status and/or take your income into consideration (or not). On moral grounds, I would have him SAH and then use your income to continue paying child support because his other child deserves it and as you stated before, the child support is cheaper than paying for daycare or a nanny for your own child. It could also go a long way to show the mom that you're doing the right thing.

[imojoebunny]

This is an interesting question. Do divorced men pay more if they marry "well" and their household income goes up? I haven't seen that. As long as he is paying the agreed amount, I don't see how they could come after him for more, though obviously states are all different. My neighbor recently quit working. He no longer pays child support, but he applied for and got a stop to alimony because he is not working, though he is physically and mentally able to make a good income, His current wife makes $$$$, and they have significant assets.

I don't know anyone who has an ex-spouse who re-married "well" and, and thus, they got an increase in child support.

I am curious if it is different for child support, assuming, as you say, that you guys will continue to support the child as agreed.

[sillygoosegirl]

If you legally paid him so he could pay child support out of his own income, wouldn't that mean you'd also have to pay federal and state income tax on that income twice? Just like if you hired a nanny, the nanny would have to pay income tax after you paid income tax on that money. I seriously doubt his working status has any bearing on whether or not your income can be taken into account for the child support calculations; that makes no sense at all to me.

[redheadk]

I would check on the legality of paying him. I'm pretty sure one spouse can't pay the other spouse a wage to care for their mutual child.