I have things I want to talk about

[Muddled]

but it's almost 6 on a Friday, so I'll just put it here for safekeeping.


I want to talk more to Starrie about her marriage, if she will oblige. I know that things have been rough and I would like a check-in to see how she is holding up.

I also don't understand why her H doesn't want to clean the floors.




Crap. Now I've completely forgotten what else I wanted to talk about.

eta- I remembered! Off to start my 20billionth thread of the day.

[fussbucket]

Yeah.

[starrieskies]

hahaha! I'm happy to talk. It would be nice, actually to talk a little. I'm not sure how much I'll be on next week, as my bosses come back from being gone for a week at a conference in Hawaii. I'm sure they'll keep me busy, but I'll try to pop in and answer what I can.

So, here's a quick update. Things have been going rather smoothly, but I'm just not happy. I don't see a lot of effort on his part, and I'm not feeling much of a desire to make an effort either. (God, that sounds shitty, doesn't it?)

DS has made some random comments here and there that have me a little wierded out. Nothing about his safety or his dad being mean, but things that make me wonder what his dad might be saying to him and why. Here's the conversation that we had earlier this week as we were pulling in the driveway.

DS: There's my dad's hosue!
Me: You know, Mommy lives there too, kiddo. (I said this with a smile on my face and joking, of course)
DS: No, Daddy and I are going to live there alone.
Me: Where's Mommy going to live then?
DS: At work.
Me:

As for H and the floors, he likes them clean (he's kind of neurotic about it actually). He got himself once of those Shark Steam mops and if he doesn't use that on them, he uses vinegar water. He's a little nuts when it comes to the cleanliness of the house, but it has to be done to his standards and completed in a manner to his liking (he once spent a half an hour showing me step by step how to sweep the entire house. The next day I went to Walmart and bought a stick vacuum for $12. It works just as well)

I've been trying to figure out a budget and try to determine how much cash I would need to have set aside to get a place of my own... At the rate I'm going I may be able to leave in about 2 years... OK, so that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm feeling more than a little defeated on the budget front. Our household budget is screwed, and I am struggling to get a handle on that so that I CAN stash some money of my own.

I'm trying to stay positive and upbeat. I set a goal for myself this year (NOT a resolution, just a goal) to work on making myself happy, whatever that may entail. I do not want to look back at the end of 2013 feeling the way I did at the end of 2012.

[Muddled]

Unless you have some sort of promise to someone to make an effort, I don't think it is at all shitty that you are not doing so. If you are done, you are done. I'm glad that things are peaceful at the very least.

I have know nothing about kids, but I feel like that conversation could be taken in more than one way. Yes, it's possible dad is feeding him some really creeptastic scenarios, but it also might be possible that you work long hours and you are gone quite a bit? I have no idea how these things work. Neither sounds ideal, quite honestly. Do you ever question DS and ask why he would say that? Maybe you'll get a, "Daddy said..." out of him if that is the case.

Does your husband know how you feel at all or are you keeping it all on the DL? Are you able to set aside money without him noticing. He seems like he has some controlling tendencies- the floor being a perfectly harmless example. (I totally misunderstood your comment regarding the floor, btw. I thought you meant he didn't want the floors cleaned. It turns out he just doesn't want them cleaned by you. So odd.)

I really hope that 2 years is a huge exaggeration and that you are able to do plenty to make yourself happy. It's the year of Starrie.

Talk anytime.

[starrieskies]

I asked DS at the time who told him that, and he said "I told me, mom!" I'm still not sure what to make of the conversation, if anything. I know kids say strange things sometimes, this was just very odd.

I don't think H knows the extent of my feelings. I'm sure the knows that I'm not happy, but I don't really think he gives that much thought. the more I think about how our life has been, the more I begin to realize how much it has always been about his needs, his wants, and his feelings with very little regard for anyone else. it makes me angry.

right now he's headed to a friend's house. the last thing he said to me before he left was, "the house is a mess. it would be nice if you picked up a little, maybe do some laundry... oh yeah, and you'll need to go to the store later. I invited x,y,&z over to watch the game
I told them you were making breakfast for everyone. biscuits and gravy would be nice.

I probably shouldn't write about these things when I'm all fired up...

[imoan]

Are you fucking kidding me?! And let me guess... He's not taking the kid with him. So he gets to hang out with his friends while you get to spend your Saturday night taking care of the kid, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, doing laundry...

Yeah, he's a fucking peach!

[motzie]

Jan 12, 2013 16:06:29 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

right now he's headed to a friend's house. the last thing he said to me before he left was, "the house is a mess. it would be nice if you picked up a little, maybe do some laundry... oh yeah, and you'll need to go to the store later. I invited x,y,&z over to watch the game
I told them you were making breakfast for everyone. biscuits and gravy would be nice.

I probably shouldn't write about these things when I'm all fired up...

I can't imagine my H saying this to me with a straight fucking face. Please don't do any of these things. He can shove his buscuits and gravy up his ass.

[fussbucket]

So correct me if I'm wrong, but you both work FT, right? So why is "the house is a mess" YOUR problem?

You're a little too



when you should be more like

[gault]

I hate this guy. You deserve someone who's a total 180 from someone like him.

[wrathofkuus]

I will shit a cinderblock if you make this douche and his friends breakfast.

[Deleted]

yet, you continue to put up with his bullshit!

[awick14]

((Hugs))

[starrieskies]

Yeah, I sat on the couch with DS and watched a movie instead.

[motzie]

Jan 13, 2013 11:01:13 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

Yeah, I sat on the couch with DS and watched a movie instead.

Yay! Good for you. Has he said anything? Bc I would be all, "oh, you were serious about that? I didn't think you could possibly be serious about me cleaning, grocery shopping and cooking for your friends, all while watching DS, while you were off having fun." (Death stare)

I'm so sorry Starrie. I don't want this to feel like a pile on. We just all want so much better for you.

[partiallysunny]

Jan 13, 2013 11:01:13 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

Yeah, I sat on the couch with DS and watched a movie instead.

Thank all that is holy!

What an asshole.

[Deleted]

Jan 12, 2013 16:06:29 GMT -5 starrieskies said:

right now he's headed to a friend's house. the last thing he said to me before he left was, "the house is a mess. it would be nice if you picked up a little, maybe do some laundry... oh yeah, and you'll need to go to the store later. I invited x,y,&z over to watch the game
I told them you were making breakfast for everyone. biscuits and gravy would be nice.

:-| :@

[bowies]

Do you have family that can loan you some money? I wouldn't be able to handle this situation for long.

[Muddled]

I'm with Bowies. Do you really think you can stand this for another year or two?

[starrieskies]

Most of my family is in the same financial boat as I am. My parents have loaned me money in the past, but they've done the same for my brothers and sisters, and unfortunately there isn't much left for them to lend. I am going to a funeral with my mom on Saturday and I'm going to talk to her about it and see if there is anything that we can work out. I know that living with them isn't an option right now, but there may be another solution that we can come up with. We've got an hour drive each way to the funeral, so lots of time to talk...

He didn't say anything about the house when he got home. But he did start cleaning (loudly) as soon as he got home. I "helped" by keeping DS occupied and out of the way.

On the plus side, DS's LOVED his Valentine project! He painted all 20 of his little hearts in one sitting! I thought for sure he'd lose interest after the first few, but he just kept on going! I'll post a picture as soon as I get them varnished and ready to hang. I was also able to get my jewelry holder project almost completed. I would have finished my blanket too, but I ran out of yarn.

[partiallysunny]

What a terrible situation for you to be in. Hopefully something can be worked out.

[imoan]

I want to punch your H in the nuts so hard.

But I'm glad that DS had a blast with his Valentine project! He's lucky to have you.

[starrieskies]

Jan 14, 2013 11:22:34 GMT -5 imoan said:

He's lucky to have you.

Thanks, imoan... I think I'm just a little extra emotional today, but this made me a little teary.