How bratty is this?

[broc]

So, H's brother and his wife are expecting. This is their 3rd kid. One of the first things out of his mouth when they called to tell us was, 'make sure you save all Joaquin's baby stuff for us!'

Well, I'd already saved it all because we were planning on TTC starting roughly a year from now. They know that we're planning on another (since then, BIL has told H we should try like, RIGHT NOW so they're twinsies or whatever). So I'm kind of annoyed, but don't mind passing on stuff like clothing. I also don't mind giving them stuff like the vibrating swing dealie or bumbo, because those are cheap and don't have a ton of parts. I don't want to give them something like our pack & play, because it was expensive and has a shitload of parts. Frankly I don't expect them to have the wherewithal to give any of this back at all, much less every last part, so I'd rather not buy a second p&p.

Additionally, I do not want to give them one damn thing my aunts gave us. BIL & SIL are ridiculously conservative, to the extent my BIL has said that the civil rights movement was bad because it led to gay marriage (keep in mind that he's in an interracial marriage to understand just how cracked this line of thought is). My aunts have always been super generous and they're really good at listening to what we said we needed in passing, so this means that like, half Joaquin's wardrobe, most of her toys and a good number of other things that are relatively common sense to hand down are off the table (eg, her high chair, ergo carrier).

H completely understands about the latter, but thinks I'm being silly about the former because we can afford to shell out for another of every single thing we got Joaquin as a baby. I understand this line of reasoning, because BIL & SIL don't have 2 thin dimes to rub together as it is, but this is really not the damn point. He'll go along with whatever I want to do though because I'm the one who took the initiative and did all the storing and bins and crap.

Am I being bratty and/or unreasonable here? WWYD?

[imoan]

Even if you can afford to shell out for more, why should you have to? It'd be one thing if homophobe BIL didn't realize that you guys were planning on trying for a second in the near future... but he does. So for him to ask you to give him all your shit so then have to go out and REBUY everything you currently already own is ridiculous. I'm assuming BIL/his wife will have a shower. I'm also assuming that, if they made the choice to have a kid, they can afford the basics on their own. So whether or not you CAN afford to rebuy everything is not even a part of the equation.

[bullygirl979]

If this is their 3rd kid, why don't they have stuff left over from kid #1 and kid#2?

[starrieskies]

I think it's ridiculous of them to say "make sure you have this ready for us" instead of asking for it. I wouldn't want to give them anything either.

[broc]

lol, imoan, that's the best part which I totally intentionally left out because I didn't want it to further reveal my brattiness. They were trying to prevent, but they were using the rhythm method. According to MIL, like the actual literal, let's not fuck days 12-16 of her cycle, no temping no OPKs no nothing goddamned rhythm method. We are both (MIL & I) judging the crap out of them for this.

So you know, they didn't meeeean for this to happen...! etc.

[margarita]

Jan 14, 2013 12:42:32 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

If this is their 3rd kid, why don't they have stuff left over from kid #1 and kid#2?

This is what I'm wondering.

[cuddlyevil]

Jan 14, 2013 12:42:32 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

If this is their 3rd kid, why don't they have stuff left over from kid #1 and kid#2?

*sits next to Bully*

The only time I ever asked friends/relations for help with baby stuff was when the snugglet got put in his cast and we needed to go up 2 sizes in clothing. His big brother was still wearing those sizes, so we couldn't just take from DS #1 to clothe #2.

My MIL was all "save your baby stuff for BIL & SIL!" but honestly, they've been having issues conceiving for last three years and we don't have a ton of space to store crap. We've given away a lot of stuff, so we'll give them a gift card to buy new stuff.

[broc]

Jan 14, 2013 12:42:32 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

If this is their 3rd kid, why don't they have stuff left over from kid #1 and kid#2?

They gave everything to goodwill immediately after kid 1, then accidentally got KU with kid 2, then gave everything to goodwill immediately. To be fair their first kids are older than 7, they weren't planning on more, and they had to downsize in the housing crash (see: don't have 2 nickels).

[Muddled]

You give what you want to give and nothing else. That's how gifts work. And if you don't trust that you will get your stuff back, then it would probably help your mind to just look at it as a gift.

[imoan]

You're not being bratty AT ALL. And the additional information... I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand basic reproduction. Because of this, your punishment should be buying all new baby shit. /gavel

[cuddlyevil]

Meh, give them whatever you want to give them--if that's a giftcard to target, so be it. You are really under no obligation here.

[bullygirl979]

Jan 14, 2013 12:47:59 GMT -5 broc said:

Jan 14, 2013 12:42:32 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

If this is their 3rd kid, why don't they have stuff left over from kid #1 and kid#2?

They gave everything to goodwill immediately after kid 1, then accidentally got KU with kid 2, then gave everything to goodwill immediately. To be fair their first kids are older than 7, they weren't planning on more, and they had to downsize in the housing crash (see: don't have 2 nickels).

Perhaps this is my bitchy attitude o' the day coming out, but I am totally side eying these people. If you don't have 2 dimes to rub together, perhaps you should put a little more effort to ensure you don't get KU'ed seeing as kids are expensive as hell. Furthermore, it is presumptuous as all get out to TELL you to save stuff for them, rather than ask you if could loan them anything that you might not use/want in the near future.

You are not being bratty at all. Give them what you want and nothing else.

/gavel.

[margarita]

I don't think you're being bratty or unreasonable. You still need those things for Kid # 2.

[bowies]

My first instinct is to say "aww helll no," but I also know I'm a big softie IRL. I'd run to Goodwill or one of the numerous baby consignment shops and get them some secondhand clothes on the cheap. I might even pass them off as Joaquin's hand-me-downs. If I was feeling particularly devilish, I'd throw in a box of Trojans too.

[pinkplasticdoll]

Jan 14, 2013 12:50:07 GMT -5 imoan said:

You're not being bratty AT ALL. And the additional information... I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand basic reproduction. Because of this, your punishment should be buying all new baby shit. /gavel

I agree with this! You shouldn't have to give them anything and they should expect anything and I think it was ballsy of them to even ask for anything.

[partiallysunny]

I agree with everything Imoan said.

[neonpink]

I say keep your stuff for your future. I understand they don't have two dimes but then maybe they should be more responsible about BC. I also think it's shitty of them to say give me your stuff. I wouldn't part with any of it. This might also come from the fact that a lot of my family seems to mooch of my parents and I wish my parents would just say no.

[statlerwaldorf]

So did they save any of their stuff from their older two kids for Joaquin?

I wouldn't hand down anything I planned on using.

[Deleted]

Team imoan.

I'm baffled by this post. I don't understand why they would expect you to hand over all your stuff to them/their kid if you're expecting to TTC and they know that information.

[pedanticwench]

You absolutely do not have to give them anything. I think you know this.

[gault]

Give them only what you absolutely hate.
They are ridic.

[ECB]

Jan 14, 2013 13:48:12 GMT -5 doglove said:

Team imoan.

I'm baffled by this post. I don't understand why they would expect you to hand over all your stuff to them/their kid if you're expecting to TTC and they know that information.

Because they keep starting over from scratch, so they don't think it's a big deal!

Broc- you aren't bratty. They are rude. All this stuff is YOURS to do w/ as YOU wish WHEN you wish. Period. Their having another unplanned child doesn't require you to give them anything.

[motzie]

That's pretty shitty of them to expect you to give them all your stuff. And how fucking ballsy of them to say that to you guys.

All that being said, I'd feel guilty and scrape together some things you wouldn't mind parting with, or buy them some new things (which you'd probably do anyway, right?) and call it a day.

Oh, and point them in the direction of Craigslist and eBay so they can save some cash.

[geekgirl]

Not bratty at all. Point them to their local CL!

[broc]

Yeah, I know. For me it's sometimes hard for me to separate my personal eyerolling irritation with them in general with what's normal behavior in the same situation, if that makes sense. And IDK what my H's problem is, because if he hadn't told me they all but demanded our baby shit I would've handed over a bunch of it (though probably not the stuff from my aunts regardless).

We are/were planning on buying them some essentials, like boxes of diapers, but bleh. I'm just annoyed.