DH's cousin. (long)

[awick14]

The first Christmas DH and I were together his cousin (L) told the family she was pregnant. Most people were so excited for her but some were nervous because she had a drug problem. She end up becoming clean and turning her life around. Which was great.

A year or so later L and her bf broke up and she kept custody of her daughter as he started using drugs again. (He also stopped drugs when he found out that L was pregnant.) Fast forward to last spring when L lost custody of her daughter to her xbf's parents because she was deemed an unfit mother. (She was back using drugs.)

She went to court and begged to have her daughter back and the courts gave her daughter back, no drug test no nothing. This whole time since she broke up with her X she has been with many different men. Most of whom were either drug dealers or drug addicts.

Fast forward to Christmas at our place, she brought this new guy who seemed nice and all. They had been dating about 2-3 months at that point and he had already moved into her place. :-| They were talking about marriage and stuff, which of course is way too soon!

Anyways DH called me tonight saying his aunt (L's mom) called him and asked if she could throw L and her bf an engagement party at our place! (His aunt has a really small place and can't have more then 6-8 people over and she is wanting to have about 20 people there) I guess he proposed to her this past weekend. :-| The moment DH said this I blurted out "is she pregnant or something?" SILENCE (from him) Then he finally says yes.

DH called me and asked me if I care if he allows his aunt to throw this party at our place. (I will be OOT when the party happens) I told him I have no opinion in the matter. But to make sure that his aunt knows that there is a certain family member not allowed in our house and I don't care what the reason for the party is but he can't be there. (DH's brother)

I have mixed emotions right now. I am happy for L and her bf, but at the same time I think it's only a matter of time before social services get called because of her current daughter let alone a new child.

Sorry this is long, I just have no one to tell this too IRL (no one knows about neither the engagement or the pregnancy), and I don't want to complain to DH as this aunt and him are pretty close and he would do almost anything for her. I have no idea if he will go ahead with the party or not. (I kinda gave the impression that I didn't want him and I hope he doesn't.)

[thoseareradishes]

Dude, that sucks. I would not want them at my house - I would be nervous to have drug users (whether they were still using or not) in my house. We have a family member with similar issues, and she steals. Not to say the same thing would happen to you, of course- but I would be wary.

I hope she gets her act together so she can care for her children Kids don't deserve that shit.

[awick14]

Whenever we have DH's family over we lock up what ever is of any value and that we would notice anyone taking.

DH's brother is no longer welcome in our home after a problem new years with him around. (he showed up uninvited)

I don't want to be the bad guy and say no you can not have your family over. It's hard especially because I work OOT a lot.

I know kids don't deserve this life. I get upset just thinking that she can get pregnant (twice) and be a horrible mother. When woman (like you wonderful ladies) can't become pregnant and you all sound like you would be amazing mothers. (Well most of you, maybe not all the trolls around recently )

[thoseareradishes]

Yeah, I know what you mean about being the bad guy. In my family we came to a breaking point and that person is no longer welcomed- but in your case, that would have to be mainly your husband's decision. Sounds like the best plan is to lock up valuables (and meds and alcohol, if you have any), like you said.

[statlerwaldorf]

Ugh. What a shitty situation. I have a cousin that was addicted to heroin when she got pregnant with her first child. She quit during her pregnancy, but started using again when she was a toddler. CPS had been less than helpful in taking away custody. Got pregnant with #2 and #2 tested positive for heroin when he was born. CPS got involved again and for 30 days she had to have around the clock adult supervision and pass random drug tests. She passed, but I would bet money that she will start using again.

On the other hand I had another cousin that was also addicted to heroin. She lost custody of her kids, served some jail time, and really hit rock bottom. She's been clean for maybe 5 years now, has been able to keep a job, and is back in 2 of her kid's lives. Both of them had stolen from family members. Mainly cash, jewelry, and prescription medications.

How does your DH feel about it? TBH, I wouldn't want to throw any party for someone who has been clean less than a year. Do you feel like the aunt enables her?

[realpanther]

I can understand not wanting to have this event at your house, especially since you will not be there. Can you (or your H) suggest doing it at a public location somewhere? I know it can get pricy when you start talking about renting out spaces, etc but maybe a community center? Or public park (IDK what the timeline is for this or where you live, if that would be feasible from a weather standpoint)?

[awick14]

She gave DH not even a weeks notice. The party is supposed to be this weekend!! I have talked to DH and he is in agreement that having the party at our house is not a good idea. He has not told her yes or no yet either way, he will call her tonight and give her the bad (good!) news.

When I talked to DH about this he also told me that it was not his aunt that asked him to do this it was his cousin!! WTF she is throwing herself an engagement party! She has a big enough place, she can just hold it there. If she is already going to throw the party herself then she can host it as well. (DH didn't tell me the his cousin asked because he knew that would make me upset, he is damn right that made me upset.)

Also the family knows about the engagement part but the pregnancy part is still a secret! I can't wait until everyone finds out, they are all going to flip! All I can say is that I am glad that I am not in town to witness all this drama that will ensue.

[awick14]

Jan 17, 2013 18:55:11 GMT -5 realpanther said:

I can understand not wanting to have this event at your house, especially since you will not be there. Can you (or your H) suggest doing it at a public location somewhere? I know it can get pricy when you start talking about renting out spaces, etc but maybe a community center? Or public park (IDK what the timeline is for this or where you live, if that would be feasible from a weather standpoint)?

It is way to cold outside to throw an outside party.

The immediate family have no money to rent a place to have the party.

I bet you they wont even offer to help DH get the house ready for the party.

O ya and it's supposed to be a potluck dinner!