Couldn't take it no more

[bookworm85]

Hello fellow nesters just came home from a visit with my mom. My divorce was finalized on the 16th of this month. I have been depressed and just wanted to have a good weekend with my mom and sister. Anyway my mom started going on how I should have been a better cook as a wife. How I let myself go and so on I been dealing with this for years nothing I do is ever good enough for her. Well TODAY ladies I had it. I reminded her of when her pervert of a boyfriend start making sexually advances towards me at the age of 17 and how she did nothing to stop it this pervert would offer me money to let him perform oral sex on me. I slept with my door locked and a knife under my pillow. I had no choice but to deal with him since he had a key to her home. I moved out at 19 with my ex husband. I told her how she would call me names and acted like she resented me because he prefer me over her. Now get this when her dirt is thrown up she wants to say she sorry and please forgive her it took me finally telling her she wasn't a darn saint to criticize me for her to say she sorry 10 years after the fact. WTF!!!! Never once until now did she apologize. I always helped her when she needed from giving her money to letting her borrow my car when hers wasn't working. And she still would find something to say about me. She never once apologize I thought I had forgiven her but honestly I didn't. But it feels damn good to remind her that she wasn't no feeaking saint vent over. Now I feel like that was my last time coming to her house ever again. I skipping out of all holiday dinners. She pushed me too far this.

[smock]

Uh . . . Yeah, I think it's a good idea to stop seeing your mom.

[macmars45]

Jan 20, 2013 9:37:46 GMT -5 smock said:

Uh . . . Yeah, I think it's a good idea to stop seeing your mom.

Yeah, she seems to be a negative influence in your life.

[maucat]

Jan 20, 2013 11:07:23 GMT -5 macmars45 said:

Jan 20, 2013 9:37:46 GMT -5 smock said:

Uh . . . Yeah, I think it's a good idea to stop seeing your mom.

Yeah, she seems to be a negative influence in your life.

Agreed.  I think you'd be more than justified in cutting your mom out of your life entirely.  She seems to be a toxic presence.

I don't know if you've seen a therapist to help you deal with what you went through when you lived at home, but even if you have, it might be beneficial to see someone now to help you process the relationship with your mother and to make decisions regarding boundaries in your relationship with her (even if that means no contact).  If you haven't processed what happened when you were younger, I think it could be beneficial for you to talk about that, too.  It won't give you resolution with her, but it can bring you some inner resolution.

[bookworm85]

Thanks nesters I just had enough last night her going on and on about all my faults like she is without any. One of the main reasons I went forward with my divorce was because my son told me he was tired of seeing me cry. I did not want my son growing up thinking this type of behavior was ok in a marriage. My son is so much happier with my ex in our lives. I do realize I need to find therapy which I will ASAP so I can be a much better person.

[partiallysunny]

I'm glad you are open to therapy and were able to make your life and your son's life better by getting a divorce and stopping the cycle.

Cut off your toxic mother and I bet your happiness increases even more.