High-end Gift you or SO receive

[anna7602]

If you or your spouse receive a high-value gift from someone like a family member or client, such as money or nice jewelry, do you both decide what to do with it? Or is it the prerogative of the recipient, assuming you don't need the money or equivalent cash value for a specific purpose like paying off debt?

[momof2boys]

Depends on the situation I'd think. If it was a birthday gift for me etc technically it would be mine to do what I want with. However, I think it would be depend on the situation. For instance, if it was really nice jewelry yes it would be mine to do what I want with. If it was a large amount of money I would want to discuss with my husband what to do with it and come to a mutual agreement. Likewise, if he got a large gift of money i'd want him to value my opinion on where best it would benefit our family. But i'm talking large value, say over 1000.00? If he received 500.00 from his family or something i'd say he could spend it on what he wants. Though knowing my husband he wouldn't be able to spend it without my input and blessing

Typically we agree on where to allocate money however, and we have a house that isn't finished yet and a never ending list of projects. As soon as we save up enough money we tackle a project and cross that one off the list. So a large sum of money would likely go towards a project, and both of us would be happy with that.

[gibbinator]

It depends. Normally I would say we would make a joint decision. But my dad gave me $1000 for my birthday and dh right away told me it was my choice what I spent it on. Any extra work money has always been joint.

I also think with inheritances, the inheritor should have final say.

[sporklemotion]

This hasn't happened to us too many times, but it's always been the prerogative of the recipient.  That said, it's kind of understood that if it's something we could both use (like a restaurant gift card or tickets to a game), we would both get to enjoy it-- I might be upset if my DH used the gift card he got to take someone else out to dinner. 

If it were a ton of cash, I think we would probably discuss the purchases with each other ahead of time-- I can't imagine either of us buying a boat or something without running it past the other.  But clothing, jewelry, etc. would all be OK, even if the cost of it ended up being more than we might "usually" spend.

Right now, we're not really saving for anything specific other than retirement, so if the recipient wanted to use it for something we don't really need, that would be OK.  My answer would probably change if we were trying to save up for a home renovation project or a trip.

[mlvmd]

Birthday money is the recipient's. If it is work related it is joint. If it is a non birthday family gift we would talk about it. Most if our extra money goes into our house or I use it to buy clothes that would normally come out of our joint money so it's kind if a wash.

[greekypie]

A gift to me, unless its cash, has nothing to do with my H :-)

[mccallister84]

It's never happened to us, and I don't anticipate it happening any time soon (we're both teachers). I would say a tangible gift - jewelry, electronic, etc. totally stays with the person who got it.

I can't imagine either of us doing anything with a large sum of money besides saving yet, but ultimately the whole thing is so unfathomable to me.

I think for me the threshold would be around $500 before I would expect some joint discussion. But honestly, I really think if we didn't save it we would use it for something joint - a trip, a series of nice dinners, etc. Neither of us have many individual needs/wants.

[chessie]

We both decide, even if its little amount. Its considered our money even if its gifted to one of us.

[dragonfly08]

Birthday money/gifts belong to the recipient.

When DH gets a work bonus, it's usually spent on the family. Gift cards get used so we can all go out to eat, money gets allocated some to the girls' college funds and the rest to the general budget.

[Deleted]

if I was given a diamond tiara I guess I'd let him wear it.

[Deleted]

The gift belongs to the recipient. Sometimes the recipient will share, or give part of the gift to the other, or use the gift to benefit the other (like both of us going out to dinner on his restaurant gift card), sometimes not. It's always the recipient's decision what to do with it though.

[magdala]

The recipient decides how to spend it.   The other spouse will offer advice. 

[Deleted]

Gifts and bonuses and the like are for the recipient to do what they want with them.

[mbcdefg]

We would talk about money and offer suggestions on how to spend/save it, but the person who received it can ultimately decide what to do with it.

We got a few joint gifts cards for Christmas (Amazon, Visa). I'm holding onto them in my wallet, but I won't spend them on anything solely for myself.

[bostonmichelle]

Generally we don't get too many gifts of money beyond $100 those usually go towards vacations and going out to eat. When we got married we took a good portion of the money and paid for my last two grad school classes.

[Norticprincess]

Gift is the recipient's choice. Spouse doesn't get a real say in birthday/Christmas cash. DH bought a new grill, he wanted it and had enough Christmas cash to cover it without even touching his fun money. He did ask me which if the ones he was looking at did I like which color. Other than being asked I stayed out of it. I bought boots, only thing he said was I couldn't keep the ones that I had trouble getting on, told me to get the ones that fit in another color.

Gifts other times of the year tend to be joint, we usually pick something together.

Gift cards or tickets it varies - usually talk about it before using them, sometimes go with each other, sometimes take a friend.

[Deleted]

gifts - tangible goods and gift cards - are for the recipient
bonus money is counted as income and usually just goes into savings

[anna7602]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. To give more info, DH thinks I should donate a particularly generous gift I received since I don't "need" it and since I didn't expect or ask for it. And now he's made me feel like an arse for wanting to keep it.

[Deleted]

Cash just goes into our savings account. Neither of us have ever received a high end gift from anyone else so I'm not sure what we'd do but the recipient would probably dispose of it how they wished.

[jek]

If it was a large amount of cash we would probably discuss. Neither of us would rush out and buy something without the other having some knowledge of it. But saying that, we've never been in this situation. Any large gifts have generally been to the both of us together, in which case we decide what to do with it.

Your H sounds like he's being a bit of a dick here. I'd be kind of annoyed if my H made me feel guilty about accepting/spending a gift of money.

[Deleted]

When money was tight, it was joint. I'd get pissed when we as a family had no fun money left, but DH's mom had sent him $200 that he just popped into his wallet. Granted, it would usually come up because he'd offer to take me to dinner with it or something, but still.

When money wasn't tight, gifts were your own to spend as you like.

[hocus]

If someone gave us a gift (TV, jewelry, furniture) then we'd keep it.  If someone have us thousands of dollars then yes we'd talk about what that would best used for. If someone gives me $100 then no I don't talk about it with DH. I suppose there is gray area where cash is not small and not big but I'd probably defer on asking DH about it and visa versa.

[ddi741]

If it's given to us, for example for Christmas, then we both decide what to do, but if it's given because of an occasion specific to the other one, (birthday), then it's that person's to do with as they please.

Bonus we decided on together because we see it as just an extension of salary.

[whitepicketfence]

Jan 21, 2013 9:10:47 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

We would talk about money and offer suggestions on how to spend/save it, but the person who received it can ultimately decide what to do with it.

Ditto.

ETA: As for bonuses, we consider them income. We decide how they will be spent together.

[dexteroni]

All gift money is the recipient's, although we do often use it for a joint purpose. Christmas money is more joint than birthday money, since we've both gotten it and it's often enough to do something for both of us, like a weekend away or a piece of furniture or something else large for our house, like a new TV. Birthday money is more likely to be spent on a splurge for the individual person, but we do still usually let the other know what we plan to do with it, just as we would with any large expenditure.

OP, what your DH is doing is not very nice. Suggesting that you donate it is one thing, but pressuring you to do so and making you feel bad for not doing so is crappy. If one of us isn't sure what they want to do with their money, the other will often make suggestions, but just suggestions. We don't pressure or use guilt.

[Deleted]

I don't think either of us would really care to have a say in each other's gift. My father has given us generous checks as a joint gift for Christmas and significant events. The financial gift is ours but he has never cared about how I decided to allocate the money and vice versa. We are both pretty trusting of one another when it comes to spending.

[carfar]

$$, unless a crazy high amount would just be for the person who got it to spend. If it was larger, some would be spent on the recipient, with maybe a nice dinner thrown infor both of us, some would go into household money. If it was something like Jewelery, or electronics or someTHING high value, that person would keep it. I'd never even cross my mind to have him return it for $ we could both spend/use. Mayyybbbee if we really needed extra cash for some reason.... But even then I really don't see either of us requesting a gift be returned.

[steph96]

Jan 21, 2013 10:36:57 GMT -5 whitepicketfence said:

Jan 21, 2013 9:10:47 GMT -5 mbcdefg said:

We would talk about money and offer suggestions on how to spend/save it, but the person who received it can ultimately decide what to do with it.

Ditto.

ETA: As for bonuses, we consider them income. We decide how they will be spent.

Ditto all of this.

Your comment about the cash equivalent of a gift kinda makes me give a side eye. Even if we did have a lot of debt, I couldn't imagine selling jewelry that someone just gave me. That would be such a slap in the face and they would probably never give me a gift ever again. Physical gifts are not up for discussion.

[shell403b]

OK, OP, now I want to know what the item is.

Oh, and a gift to you = a gift to you (esp. if it's an item, rather than $$$). Bonuses/commissions don't fall under that umbrella, IMO. That's part of work compensation, unlike a gift from a client, for instance.

[M]

H and I always make joint decisions about everything...big or small. Realistically no one is ever going to give us large sums of cash gifts lol unless it's an inheritance. But we normally buy what we want when we want so any sum of cash gifts would just go to the bank anyways.