Severe anxiety over flying.

[bunch]

Not me, but H. He hasn't flown in years, but he has to tomorrow. He's been dreading it for weeks and is having a hard time now. He has panic disorder/ anxiety/ OCD and is on a low dose of some general anti anxiety drug. He also has Ativan for panic attacks, but thinking about taking one (he hasn't in months) is enough to cause an attack. He sees it as a last chance, so he won't take it in advance of the flight. We've talked through and tried to rationalize his concerns like his therapist once suggested, but he's still pretty worked up. I know a lot of people here have some similar issues, so I'm hoping for any tips. Asking here was actually his idea, he's that desperate

[RoxMonster]

Has he ever looked into a fear of flying class at an airport? I know many major airports offer them and I know someone who had the same anxiety your H has when flying, took the class, and now she is totally fine and flies often. The class was kind of spendy and did involve short plane trips, etc. She said it was worth it though. Just something to maybe check out.

ETA: I realize he has to fly tomorrow, so it wouldn't help, but I was thinking of a long-term solution.

[Balki.Bartokomous]

He's an engineer, right? Can you talk to him in numbers? Particularly, the statistics around how safe it is to fly.

[RoxMonster]

I would also maybe suggest having him tell the flight attendant he is afraid of flying. I feel like someone on another board somewhere (vague I know haha!) said she told the stewardess she was afraid of flying, and the stewardess helped calm her, talked her through what was happening when, even had the co-pilot come out and talk with her. This obviously may not always happen, but mentioning something to the flight attendant might not hurt.

[bunch]

It's a short flight. For him, it has nothing to do with actual flying, just about not being "in control" as he says and not being able to leave the plane. I will admit that hearing him vocalize exactly what he's working through is hard for me. I think he deals with a lot of little things daily that I'm not aware of.

[goaskalice]

I hate flying, but end up on planes 2-5 times per year. My tips might not be much help to your H, but I try to stay super busy before and during the flight. Reading a book I'm really into or playing on my ipad (checking GBCN perhaps) Also, I stay far away from all my anxiety triggers (caffeine, lack of sleep, ect) the day before and day of. Lastly, I try to remember to keep breathing. The book I read last year to help with some sudden panic attacks I was having focused a lot on breathing.

Tell him we wish him good luck, and he will feel so good when he lands and realizes how easy the flight really was!

[goaskalice]

Jan 21, 2013 22:06:10 GMT -5 bunch said:

It's a short flight. For him, it has nothing to do with actual flying, just about not being "in control" as he says and not being able to leave the plane. I will admit that hearing him vocalize exactly what he's working through is hard for me. I think he deals with a lot of little things daily that I'm not aware of.

I get this way with driving. I hate making left turns because I always feel boxed in, like I can't pull over if I needed to. Sounds so weird I know.

[bunch]

Jan 21, 2013 22:12:23 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Because he thinks that if it doesn't work that he has no other options. This is his rationalization, not mine. They work just fine for him.

[Deleted]

I've been there. Surprisingly flying is one of those scenarios where I do okay but other things - like a work conference - have made me white knuckled doubled over in fear. When flying I try really hard to just keep busy until that plane is in the air because the way I figure it is even if I freak out when it's up there, it's not coming down until we're in our destination. Since you can't just electronic devices at first I always make sure to bring a couple of magazines until I'm given the go ahead to turn on my PDA. Just stay busy doing something else. If he has someone he can confide in on the flight with him he can tell him to just keep him talking until he feels better. Good luck to him. It sucks and it REALLY sucks when people don't understand your anxiety so just be there for him.

[salliekate]

I don't have a fear of flying, but I do have anxiety. The thing that helps me most is vocalizing exactly what I'm scared of. Even if it's not rational. Even if it's not possible. You said he doesn't like not being in control. Is he worried the plane will crash? Does he worry the plane will never land and he'll have to be in the plane forever? Is he worried about being in such close quarters with other people? Maybe saying some of the stuff that really goes on in his head out loud will help. And don't offer rationalizations about why such and such won't happen. Just listen and ask him if there's anything you can do.

[daydreamer]

I went through a period of time where I got full blown panic attacks simply walking down the aisle of the plane. Thankfully I'm much better now, but take off and the initial period flight is still horrible for me. To ward of full on panic, I use 1. distraction and 2. a variation on repetitive motion. For distraction, very easy crossword puzzles work for me, but a light fiction book or other games are ideas. For repetition, obviously you can't pace on a plane, but counting off seconds works for me as well. Bonus in that most crashes occur in the first 20 minutes or so and so once you get to 1200, you feel much better.

RE: meds. The thought of them makes me panicky too. Carrying them with me, however, I find comforting because I know I have a backup plan. I've never had to use them, and I don't advise you to pressure him into taking them especially if feeling lack of control is part of the issue.

I feel for your husband, but also know that he'll feel much better once he's done this.

[yentl]

I used to have a pretty extreme flying phobia. I tried medication and learning how flying works, etc. The single best thing I ever did was talk to the pilot of the flight. I felt like a giant dork doing it, but he was so helpful and friendly. Just meeting that person for whatever reason calmed my fears almost completely. I think not being in control was part of my fear and meeting the person who was in control really helped.

[daydreamer]

Jan 21, 2013 22:15:41 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

I've been there. Surprisingly flying is one of those scenarios where I do okay but other things - like a work conference - have made me white knuckled doubled over in fear. When flying I try really hard to just keep busy until that plane is in the air because the way I figure it is even if I freak out when it's up there, it's not coming down until we're in our destination. Since you can't just electronic devices at first I always make sure to bring a couple of magazines until I'm given the go ahead to turn on my PDA. Just stay busy doing something else. If he has someone he can confide in on the flight with him he can tell him to just keep him talking until he feels better. Good luck to him. It sucks and it REALLY sucks when people don't understand your anxiety so just be there for him.

Yes. I've used the bolded technique as well when my anxiety was worse. Before the plane takes off, ask a likely neighbor whether they'd mind a short conversation during takeoff. Reassure them that you won't feel panicky (or want to talk to them) throughout the flight but that you find that distraction helps you during takeoff. 

[acr]

Before a trip to Europe (I NEVER thought I'd be able to handle that kind of flight) I spent a lot of time on a fear of flying message board. Reading others' experiences and pilots' input really helped... That and Xanax

[Deleted]

DH finds listening to something spoken helps a lot for him (he likes Car Talk--funny, doesn't take a lot of focus, but more than music.)

[bunch]

Thanks all. I knew you'd have good advice. Ill pass this all along to him.

[chessie]

Pretty much adds to thelists of reasons why DH hates to fly..anything over 3 hrs its just too much for him. My dad actually was the same way, we were very limited to where to go go with this condition. It is what it is though. Lots of road trips and short flights seem to help.  Its all about control, DH hates giving that up. 

[bunnysmom]

Here is the link of a thread in Flyertalk where they talk about this specific topic. There are more great suggestions there:

www.flyertalk.com/forum/travelbuzz/1427887-fear-flying.html

Good luck to your DH!