Parents With Only One Kid Are Pretty Darn Selfish

[ECB]

Jan 22, 2013 9:33:25 GMT -5 dirtyred said:

My brother was an asshole as a child and continues to be one as an adult.  We have NEVER had that sibling bond, even as children.

My life would have been richer without him.

I feel the same way about my brother.  He caused our family a LOT of grief.  A LOT. 

There is no perfect formula for the "perfect" family.

[Deleted]

That's nice.


Eta--this is the only response I can come up up with for this shitstorm of an article. It makes me rant-y.  

[Deleted]

Bless his heart.  messenger.msn.com/MMM2006-04-19_17.00/Resou

[adamantium]

Stuff like this makes my blood boil. I suppose I fall into the medical category but my son is still an only child, so one would think her ridiculous assumptions still apply. It really pisses me off that people actually think like this. I actually had a woman follow me around a park telling me how selfish it was of me to have 1 child and that he'd grow up to be a horrible person. After nicely trying to avoid her, I completely lost it. The look on her face when I told her I'd just planned my son's funeral after a still birth was priceless. Every time someone asks if he's our only child with a judgmental tone I really want to stab something.

[chessie]

Jan 22, 2013 9:38:44 GMT -5 ECB said:

Jan 22, 2013 9:33:25 GMT -5 dirtyred said:

My brother was an asshole as a child and continues to be one as an adult.  We have NEVER had that sibling bond, even as children.

My life would have been richer without him.

I feel the same way about my brother.  He caused our family a LOT of grief.  A LOT. 

There is no perfect formula for the "perfect" family.

Pretty much my relationship with our brothers and sisters.  We don't have a relationship with any of our siblings since they are complete asses that tear our family apart.  Only reasonI will see them since they have kids now.

[hannamaren]

Jan 22, 2013 9:30:27 GMT -5 tripleshot said:

Yes, I'm very selfish to not risk my life again just so my child can have a sibling. I developed a rare autoimmune disease during pregnancy and was given a 40% chance of survival. I'm so selfish.

No, you're okay because it is a medical or financial thing.  Dont fret. Ha! 

We are on the fence but the more that I think about it, I am selfish to want to give everything to my one child instead of having to split it between 2 kids. 
And I also know kids that are close are very close and it is amazing, but so many kids want to play by themselves. My nieces are 2.5 yrs apart and it might as well be 10yrs. They both played in separate rooms alone when I saw them the other day. 

[lurkergirl123]

Ridiculous.

[krystee]

I was an only until I was six and my BFF was an only until she was 12. We developed a super-close relationship in preschool and are like sisters to this day, 26 years later. If you don't have siblings, you make them in other ways by developing close relationships with cousins, friends, etc. Don't get me wrong, I adore having my brothers and it is nice to have that sibling bond. But if I had never known them, I wouldn't have known I was missing out on anything.

[gibbinator]

It's selfish not to have kids: because you just want to party and be responsible your whole life and will never experience the selflessness of parenthood.

It's selfish to have one, for the reasons outline in the article

It's selfish to have 2 because you can't provide the second kid with as much attention as your firstborn. Plus said firsogets ignored. Besides you know you just wanted to have one of each.

It's selfish to have 3+ because of overpopulation. You're giving no thought to the future of the Earth.

You can't win

[CloudBee]

Well isn't he lovely.

[Deleted]

Something about the way this is written screams "I needed a sibling to play with my child because I already have less freedom and I don't want to have to pay attention to a damn kid"

To each their own...

[fbf2006]

Whatever, it doesn't matter. In my culture, it is seen as odd to have only one kid. I don't really care. We're probably stopping at this one, because we want to for reasons we don't have to tell anyone really. I told a friend of mine and she was all like, you know you're not American right? LOL. Sure.
I have 3 siblings and we all love each other and are close. I think siblings are great. It just might not work for me. I get pregnant easily but have to have a cerclage, have bad morning sickness, etc. We just don't necessarily feel like doing this again.

[Velvetshady]

Jan 22, 2013 9:50:08 GMT -5 gibbinator said:

It's selfish not to have kids: because you just want to party and be responsible your whole life and will never experience the selflessness of parenthood.

It's selfish to have one, for the reasons outline in the article

It's selfish to have 2 because you can't provide the second kid with as much attention as your firstborn. Plus said firsogets ignored. Besides you know you just wanted to have one of each.

It's selfish to have 3+ because of overpopulation. You're giving no thought to the future of the Earth.

You can't win

You forgot it's selfish to have kids at all when there are kids waiting to be adopted

[Deleted]

Jan 22, 2013 9:33:22 GMT -5 hamster said:

"It's what happens to these siblingless children. They get pretty obnoxious and selfish. Every single person I've ever met who was an only child had more of a selfish nature than others."


So, here's the thing. You don't know the sibling status of everybody you meet. People are always shocked to find out I'm an only child because I "don't act like one." And that's just the people who know. Think of all those other folks I have regular contact with through work. My brother or sister or lack there of has never once been a conversation topic. 

100% agree with this. 
Signed,

Another only child who "doesn't act like it"

[StJess80]

Dumb. We are one and done. Sure, part of it relates to his "selfish" reasoning of not being able to afford another, but to turn the tables, I think it's pretty selfish to have a 2nd child that you can't afford just because you want to.

FWIW, I have a younger brother that I haven't had contact with since 2006. He lives in the same city as me even. He's just an asshole. MH has a younger brother that is a complete burden, health wise (mental issues). In essence, both of us are "only" children, but we have siblings. How is our experience any different from a true only child?

[Deleted]

I think it's funny that there is only 1 type of "only child" that's a problem according to him - the one created because the parents are too lazy to have a second one. But it's cool to have only 1 if you have trouble having a second or can't afford it. Ooookay.

Taking out the offensive way this post was written - I am not sure if I agree or disagree. IF we have kids, we'll likely only have one. This will be due to finances, starting late (IF we have one, we'll be likely close to 35 by the time the first is born and we won't be able to afford 2 in daycare and waiting until we're 40 to have a second seems unlikely to be a viable choice), and fear of being overwhelmed. I'm terrified of becoming a working parent and I don't know how we'd swing 2 kids' schedules. I think we'll struggle with 1.

But that kills me in some ways because I agree that having siblings was very enriching for my life. I'd be a completely different person if not for my sisters and our shared experience growing up. I believe that an only child can have a great life, and I don't believe that they are all inherently selfish. With that said, I do feel bad that my friends/cousins without siblings don't have the memories and adult friendships that I have with my siblings.

[hideme]

I know one couple that is one and done and it really is because the husband is a big, selfish douche. He didn't want another child because, "the baby years sucked." Seriously, that's his only reason, much to the disappointment of his wife (soon to be ex) and son.

But i don't think this is the norm.

[dr.girlfriend]

I think these idiots just say idiotic stuff like this for blog hits. Ridiculous.

[Deleted]

Wow. Although having only one was not what we wanted, I'm not going to think that other families that choose otherwise are selfish.

And even with the joy of having 3 girls who I hope grow up to be really close sisters, as a parent, I still want some freedom and time to myself - so I guess I am selfish too.

[fbf2006]

hideme, but what's wrong with that? It's like someone saying pregnancy sucked and I'd just rather not do it again. What's wrong with that? Why must additional children be brought into this world?

[aspentosh]

Total nutjob. He obviously lives in la-la land if he things siblings = always happier and no siblings = never happen. Idiot.

[LoveTrains]

Jan 22, 2013 9:02:40 GMT -5 Kore said:

There are plenty of people on here, even, whose siblings are total burdens.

Exactly.

I am trying to mentally prepare for the day that I have to take care of my brother. He is probably on the spectrum (undiagnosed) and has been unable to find a job after getting his BA. He is completely socially awkward, too. I love my brother, but he is and will be a burden on me later in life. 

[UnderProtest]

Jan 22, 2013 9:33:25 GMT -5 dirtyred said:

My brother was an asshole as a child and continues to be one as an adult.  We have NEVER had that sibling bond, even as children.

My life would have been richer without him.

Same for me.  I'd much rather have been an only child, but I'm the second. 

[Deleted]

I didn't really read the article. I don't want to waste my time on a total BS!

[runblondie26]

My initial reaction to the title is to roll my eyes and say whatever. But as I think about it, deep down it is sort of true for us.

We've been dragging our feet having a second one since it allows us the freedom to travel more, buy stuff, etc. that we wouldn't have the money for if we were raising 2. DD is kind of clingy despite going to daycare a couple times a week, and I don't think she'd be after our attention so much if she had another playmate at home. I guess that makes us selfish in a way? So be it if it does.

[Deleted]

Yeah, this is nuts. Sure, my sisters are awesome (now--we fought A LOT as kids), but they could have just as easily been drug addicts or psychopaths.

And as far as being selfish goes, that tends to come along with youngest children frequently. So couldn't one argue that regardless of how many children you have, you are necessarily handicapping at least one with that trait?

And my DH is an oldest child but he hates sharing his personal space/things. As much as about anyone I know. So it can clearly strike anyone.

I'm pretty sure that children interacting awkwardly at play dates at age 4 isn't going to handicap them for life.

[phunluvin82]

Total moron, plain and simple.

There have been MANY scientific studies done that debunk the 'only children are selfish and ill-adjusted' myths. Time magazine had an excellent cover article a while back about the results of all these various studies, which actually tend to show that only children are more successful because they receive more of their parents' time and resources. 

I saved the issue specifically b/c DH and I will likely be a one-and-done family in the future and I would like some ammunition against douches like this if/when that is the case.

I have a sister who is and always has been my best friend.  OTOH, I know plenty of people who have never been very close with their siblings...and also plenty of only children that do not fit this ignorant stereotype.

If the author would have done one iota of research on only children before writing this, maybe he would have realized that he's an idiot.  Probably not though.

[catbus]

Well, I'll just say I disagree. We're likely one and done, for several reasons. We want to be able to devote our time and monetary resources to one child. There are people who can commit plenty of attention and money to more than one, but at least for the foreseeable future, that won't be us. We earn just over $100k in a HCOL area, and want our son to have memorable experiences and not be responsible for our care later in life. If our incomes increase dramatically--which is definitely possible--we may reconsider, but higher income would probably come at the cost of a good work-life balance, at least in our lines of work.
So yeah, I suppose one could call us selfish for wanting to stay in Seattle (not in the suburbs), save for retirement, and travel, but I don't see it that way. I also don't think kids need siblings to be fulfilled.

[agnes]

As someone already mentioned, I think he's just trying to write something flameworthy for blog hits.

[Redpoppy]

I'm one of 4. My parents' style of parenting used a lot of favoritism and inequality and breed a lot of resentment. DH has a sister but it not super close. We aren't one and done because of that, but the lack of strong sibling relationships definitely factored into it. I've been getting a lot of general grief about it lately and it's getting really annoying, like the daycare director saying we are still young enough. DH is 43 and older fathers pass on more genetic mutations than younger. We just have too much in the con column than the pro.