S/O-would you be as sypathetic toward siblings who

[Deleted]

don't save enough for retirement?

Both H and I have siblings who don't save for retirement.  His somewhat for necessity, mine for stupidity.  Hopefully we'll be comfortable in retirement but I honestly don't think we'd bail out a sibling due to their lack of planning/saving.  My brother's house is in foreclosure right now and I don't have a clue what he plans on doing once they are kicked out.  If he's like this in his 30s, I'm scared of what the 70s will look like! 

[Deleted]

Probably but I'm generally a sucker. It also depends on which sibling. There would be limits though. I probably wouldn't give cash but I'd let them stay with me if they had to or sell them my car for a cheap price.

[Deleted]

i think it would depend. My sister that is Obama Rich... too bad.. my sister that is an "artist" I fully intend on having to subsidize her in old age.

[chessie]

DH's sisters are fine- they are saving, but mine, they will be a huge issue when it comes down to retirement. I really am not too concerned at this point, since there are bigger things for them to worry a bout-like tackling day to day things, their kids, their family...Sadly thats all I can hope for, retirement will just be one of those things have to be on the back burner for them since they are on government aide and unable to really save for the future.  We will not help them though.

[macmars45]

Yes because my SIL is a single mom (with a deadbeat exh who is constantly dragging her to court ) who is barely making ends me. Out of my 4 sisters, one has hit some hard times so I worry about her. The other 3 are doing just fine. Luckily, they all have a good 35 more years to get in better spots financially so it'll more than likely turn out okay for all. If they were being idiots with their money I'd be less sympathetic. In both cases it's life issues that cause problems for them though.

[chia]

A couple of DH's sibs are probably going to be pretty hard up during retirement. One of them is recently unemployed, in his 40's, and is now dipping into the meager retirement he has. His wife is a SAHM, and I don't think she's had a "real" job since she's come to the country (so, bu-bye to any SS she might have gotten if it's still around...).
I feel bad for them, but we struggle enough to fund our own retirement... which we could do a better job of.

Who knows with my brother. I have no idea what his finances are. But, with the amount he smokes, he'll probably not live to be 100.

[aspentosh]

Depending on their circumstances, I'd help. If they can't help themselves and continue to make horrible decisions with their money, no way will I help and let them fritter away my money. If it was bad luck or they were doing all they could to right things, then I'd help one way or another.

[Velvetshady]

My BIL is retired. He never has enough money each month. He has asked DH for help. We have absolutely no intention of helping him financially now or later. Last time DH got off the phone irked because BIL was complaining about money, I lost it and told him how to respond next time: "Yes, your military retirement goes toward child support (YOUR children btw, suck it up), but your mortgage is 1/4 of yours. Your medical costs all covered by your insurance. And your take home pay from the rest of your retirement/disability is higher than ours combined. Fuck no we're not loaning you any money."

My brother and SIL aren't saving like they should for retirement, or their kids college. And they had far more in SLs than we did. But they also have much higher earnings potential as a couple than we have. I doubt they would ask, and I doubt we'll be in a better place then them and actually able to help.

[Deleted]

Hmmmm hard to say. I guess I've not really thought about this much. I lean toward "no" but I also can't imagine turning my sister away if she was old and unable to work and had nothing.

My sister and her DH don't have a penny saved for retirement right now. She's 27, he's about 35 I think? Neither are in a career where a 401k is part of the deal, so they haven't started yet. I don't know what they are waiting for. I've talked to her several times about this and she just says it isn't a priority for them right now. She imagines they'll just work forever but I don't know how reasonable that is. They aren't exactly rolling in money but make plenty to live a nice comfortable life, I don't know what the holdup on putting at least SOMETHING into an IRA is. It frustrates me. Though realistically putting $100 a month or whatever is affordable to them isn't going to be enough anyway. But at least it's a start....

I think my other sister is doing something but I'm not sure? She's a little younger and not married yet so I guess I see her as less of a concern as of yet. I imagine she'll start putting money away once she's making more than $10 an hour at least. I understand why she isn't saving now (if she's not, I'm not sure) since she barely makes a living wage as it is.

[mbcdefg]

Depends on how manipulative they are otherwise.

[drloretta]

Doubtful.

One sibling is probably doing fine, though we don't discuss finances (and honestly I don't want to know). The other is living on a shoestring and I don't know how his family gets through the day, but they do. They'll figure something out.

[hulley]

No way. One sister is one year younger than me and should know enough to save, the other is 22 and I've been telling her about savings/other MM stuff since she was 16.

[fbf2006]

I have wonderful relationships with my siblings and so does my husband. I'm sure if they needed our help, we'd help them out to the best of our ability.

[ssmjlm]

Nope, not our problem. My sister that I talked about in the only child thread has issues. But thankfully my parents have provided for her via a trust that will be held by someone other than me to dole out her inheritance (otherwise she'll probably blow through it on drugs in no time.) I will do my best to play nice older sister, but I have no plans to financially support her.

BIL has been meagerly saving for retirement (as in, acted shocked when DH told him he was putting in 16%) and has taken more than 1 loan from his 401k, mostly recently one for $25k this past spring. He lives above his means with his wife and isn't financially smart. I'm sure he's counting on some inheritance from the ILs (LOL-if there's any) to keep him afloat when he wants to retire. There's no way we'll help him out. I just feel bad for his kids if they end up with the burden.

[cosmowife]

DH has not spoken to his sister in years. FIL informed us a couple years ago, "you know you will have to take care of her some day!" implying that we were obligated to do so. We both laughed in his face and said no way. Bitch made her choices in life. We have our own family to support.

My sister is pretty clueless about money and just is starting a new career (at 28). Hopefully she figures it out soon. I just don't think we'll have enough given our fairly HCOL and two (or more) kids.

[Deleted]

I would be much less sympathetic. Our parents didn't properly plan for retirement because it is not the norm where they are from. All of our siblings grew up in America and should really know better.

[af1212]

I worry about this often. I don't have siblings but my husband's sister is completely reliant on their parents for everything. She lives with them and they pay all of the bills except for her cell phone. She has a job but doesn't make much and spends lots of money on entertainment (movies with friends, dinner at restaurants, trips to amusement parks, etc). I worry that not only won't she be able to support herself financially when they are gone but also that she won't know how to live independently.

It is not in our plans to support her at all but I do wonder what will happen when the time comes.

[flygirl22]

Same views as we have now. We won't let them go homeless or starve, but we won't fund their lifestyle. All my siblings have a pretty good head on their shoulders. 1 of DH's brothers is terrible with money, I can only hope he knows he needs to retire some day. DH's other siblings will bail him out long before he ever comes to us (They do, and he has)

[Deleted]

God, I don't know. I hope my sister becomes a productive member of society someday.

[kadams767]

Well, as I mentioned in the other thread, my brother is an addict and has a lot of problems. At the rate he is going currently, as terrible as this sounds, I am not sure he will make it to retirement agefor me to have to worry about him. He will have to do a serious 180 and really get his life together before I would be sympathetic or consider helping him.

[kateross]

Jan 22, 2013 12:58:58 GMT -5 flygirl said:

don't save enough for retirement?

Both H and I have siblings who don't save for retirement.  His somewhat for necessity, mine for stupidity.  Hopefully we'll be comfortable in retirement but I honestly don't think we'd bail out a sibling due to their lack of planning/saving.  My brother's house is in foreclosure right now and I don't have a clue what he plans on doing once they are kicked out.  If he's like this in his 30s, I'm scared of what the 70s will look like! 

How do you know they don't have much for retirement?  Do you know why they are on foreclosure? 

[gtkim]

Nope.  I am fairly certain DH's siblings just spend all they have.  They are very much into that "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality.  We save aggressively for retirement and intend to enjoy it.  I would feel differently if they were really trying and fell on hard times or something like that, but seeing how they just spend and spend and spend, no way.

[kateross]

My brother I believe is good with retirement, but he and his wife spends money on their kids like crazy.  It drives me bananas, since I know they are living with his IL's to save for a house dp.  I've saved his ass more than once before, so I'd be less accomodating the next time around.

My other siblings are on my sh*t list right now, but I'll eventually help them out when in need as well. 

[goaskalice]

No way for BIL, he's on his own. He older than DW and yet acts younger. If he wants to waste his money on comedy classes and not save money (even though he still lives at home) he's up shit creek all by himself.

I'm the trustee for my parents future estate so I'll have a little control over how my younger sister spends that money. I secretly hope she marries a very rich man...

[Deleted]

Jan 22, 2013 12:58:58 GMT -5 flygirl said:

don't save enough for retirement?

Both H and I have siblings who don't save for retirement.  His somewhat for necessity, mine for stupidity.  Hopefully we'll be comfortable in retirement but I honestly don't think we'd bail out a sibling due to their lack of planning/saving.  My brother's house is in foreclosure right now and I don't have a clue what he plans on doing once they are kicked out.  If he's like this in his 30s, I'm scared of what the 70s will look like! 

Hell no.  My siblings are smart, able-bodied and unless a DISASTER happened - well, they need to plan for themselves.  I am so not about creating a safety net for others.  

Again, if it was a total disaster (medical emergency, etc) - sure - but employed, intelligent people - have NO excuse in my book.

I'm so warm and fuzzy today

[genet313]

I know my bros won't have this problem, so I won't hesitate to say yes.  It's easy.  

If I did think they would have a problem, honestly, I'd be more inclined to have a frank conversation about finances and offer to help them get on the right track rather than just give cash assistance.  I'd rather try to correct the problem now before it becomes a real issue.

[Deleted]

Jan 22, 2013 14:45:28 GMT -5 kateross said:

Jan 22, 2013 12:58:58 GMT -5 flygirl said:

don't save enough for retirement?

Both H and I have siblings who don't save for retirement.  His somewhat for necessity, mine for stupidity.  Hopefully we'll be comfortable in retirement but I honestly don't think we'd bail out a sibling due to their lack of planning/saving.  My brother's house is in foreclosure right now and I don't have a clue what he plans on doing once they are kicked out.  If he's like this in his 30s, I'm scared of what the 70s will look like! 

How do you know they don't have much for retirement?  Do you know why they are on foreclosure? 

Its a long story, but basically overspending and deciding to pay for new furniture, new cars, and vacations was more important than paying the mortgage on the house.  Oh, and his entitled GF who doesn't think she should work. 

[Deleted]

It would depend. Do they not save for retirement because they are irresponsible/want more money now or because they can't afford it. I have a brother who works 2 jobs (probably 70 hours/week) to pay his bills and support his family. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't saving toward retirement and I wouldn't blame him for that.

[RandZB]

I don't plan on ever putting anyone on our payroll. Beds are made by the time you get to retirement age. I assume my younger brother has a 401k, and I believe BIL has one as well. But it's not my job to keep them afloat financially or make sure they have enough to retire. I wouldn't let my niece and nephew starve, but I'm not giving anybody any money.

[cinco]

My parents had to deal with this situation. They took my uncle in, and told him he had to get a job (he's 65). He doesn't pay rent or for groceries, but at least he has health care through his job at Wal-Mart now. I have told my parents we are not taking him in if something happens to them, although I couldn't let him go out on the street.
If it were my own brother, not my uncle, I would imagine we'd figure out a way to help. I don't see him getting into that situation though. DH's siblings are set.