If you are still with your first or second lover

[wrathofkuus]

Ffs.

[fussbucket]

Apparently you and at least three more of you all feel the same way at least.

[wrathofkuus]

*snort*

[Muddled]

I do not feel that way regarding wildness, Kuus. I think I reached a pretty decent balance of having experiences and being safe.



But I think I may know the feeling overall. In relation to the kid thing.

[maucat]

Jan 24, 2013 14:52:22 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I do feel a weird, I don't know, pressure to have been wild, to want to have been wild, and in my younger days, to be wild. It's less about what I want and more what it's implied that I should want, and it chafes just as much as the pressure to be chaste did. It feels like just another way of making my sexuality less mine.

Am I the only one who feels this way?

I can understand what you're saying. I think I've felt it at times, too. It seems like, for women, there's no winning. If you don't have multiple partners, you're a prude and/or sexually repressed. If you do have multiple partners, you're a slut.

[wrathofkuus]

Yes.

[partiallysunny]

Oh yes, I understand, Kuus. I once felt like, by not being more free with my sexuality, I was somehow letting down all woman kind. And by being more chaste, I was adhearing to a chauvinist view.

Now I figure it's just who I am and I'm not going to apologize for being a prude, lol.

[wrathofkuus]

I kind of feel like the pressure to be promiscuous was chauvinistic, too. Women are supposed to be chaste, so one man can own them sexually, but they're supposed to be promiscuous to service lots of men. None of it felt like it was about women, ever.

[partiallysunny]

Fuck. You think too much, Kuus. lol

This might be a little simple minded, but I like to take it one situation at a time. "Will I regret having sex with/not having sex with person?" and go from there. Lucky for me, I never once regretted a person I turned down and can't think of one peron I wish I had thrown myself at. Which is part of the reason I have no regrets in not sowing my oats.

[maucat]

I never thought of it as promiscuous to service lots of men, just to be able to best service the one they end up with (though, of course, if it's too many they won't marry anyone because they're "too dirty" by then).

[soleil]

DH is my first and only, but he is a lot more experienced, I think he's been with 12 partners besides me?   I didn't wait for marriage or anything and I wasn't trying to be a goody goody, I was just really snobby and had high standards, and was surrounded by immature college guys that did not impress me.  When I started dating DH I trusted him and was super attracted to him, so I was trying to get in his pants pretty early on, but he wanted to show me that he liked me for more than my body (his words lol) so things ended up progressing slowly.

When we got engaged my friends told me I was making a mistake and needed to "try other flavors", but I don't have any regrets. 

[Deleted]

I understand kuus and acted out both pressures. I regret the wild part, where I did things that WERE unsafe and unhealthy for me. I can't really change it, it's part of who I am, but I think the pressure from remaining chaste really did me in and made me turn around and want to go wild. Neither of those personalities are recognizable today. If that makes sense.

[wrathofkuus]

It does.

[Muddled]

Jan 25, 2013 18:27:18 GMT -5 @mrdobalina said:

I have had fewer sexual partners than most, given my religious upbringing. I will say I didn't know what I was missing with my first husband until we got divorced and I had other boyfriends.

So you can both be singularly happy with the sex and still not know the heights of awesome at the same time. Imagine.

This is a very good point.

If you've never had Thai, you can't know what you are missing by having Chinese every night.