Any of you ladies have ADHD?

[imojoebunny]

My DD was just diagnosed with ADHD and visual processing disorder.  

I have read a lot of books, but most of them seem more focused on behavioral problems, which she does not have.   Anyone have experience either with yourself or with your girl child?  I know what I need to do from a medical and educational stand point right now with the school and the doctors, but what I don't know is what it is like to live with ADHD, if your not getting into trouble, but struggle in school and with friendships.  

Anyone willing to share?  

[Deleted]

My aunt recently went through it with my middle school aged cousin. She took her to a counselor because she was having problems with friends, lying and being inappropriate on the internet. You might want to try talking with her counselor or therapist to get some insight. Friend's daughter was lying about silly stuff and joining chat rooms. When they would talk to her she was very aware that she was lying, but said she didn't know how to stop. Where as with boys, they are believed to get hyperactive, the girls lack impulse control in other aspects of their lives which can have a drastic impact on friendships and reputation. I can check with my aunt and see if she has any books to recommend.

You also might trying to see if there are any studies that focus on girls with ADHD and see if that provides any resources.

Good luck!

[ijack]

There are actually quite a few of us on here.
It's very common for girls to not be diagnosed because they often lack the hyperactivity and don't get in trouble or act out. I wasn't diagnosed until last year, but it's fairly obvious looking back. I am very smart, so my grades weren't an issue, but I was so lazy and it's hurting me now.
I agree there should be some good books about female ADD. For me my biggest struggle is concentration and motivation - both have been helped by adderall, but honestly just being aware has helped the most. Now I know what overwhelms me and why. How to ask for help. That I can tell myself that I'll remember something later, but I really won't and it's worth it to stop what I'm doing and write it down.
If you have specific questions ask away!

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2013 12:31:37 GMT -5 ijack said:

There are actually quite a few of us on here.
It's very common for girls to not be diagnosed because they often lack the hyperactivity and don't get in trouble or act out. I wasn't diagnosed until last year, but it's fairly obvious looking back. I am very smart, so my grades weren't an issue, but I was so lazy and it's hurting me now.
I agree there should be some good books about female ADD. For me my biggest struggle is concentration and motivation - both have been helped by adderall, but honestly just being aware has helped the most. Now I know what overwhelms me and why. How to ask for help. That I can tell myself that I'll remember something later, but I really won't and it's worth it to stop what I'm doing and write it down.
If you have specific questions ask away!

Ditto this. I was diagnosed this year. I dont have hyperactivity and behavior problems. Mine are lack of motivation, inability to focus, lack of concentration.

Adderall helped a lot but didnt take it away. and now that I am no longer on meds, its been pretty bad. I wish there was a book out there to help people like me. I'm struggling now but I can't go back on adderall for like, 2 years

[ijack]

M, have you read "driven to distraction" and "delivered from distraction"? They aren't cures, but do offer some good tips.

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2013 12:43:36 GMT -5 ijack said:

M, have you read "driven to distraction" and "delivered from distraction"? They aren't cures, but do offer some good tips.

I skimmed driven to distraction. I was too distracted to finish it

[StJess80]

Jan 24, 2013 12:31:37 GMT -5 ijack said:

There are actually quite a few of us on here.
It's very common for girls to not be diagnosed because they often lack the hyperactivity and don't get in trouble or act out. I wasn't diagnosed until last year, but it's fairly obvious looking back. I am very smart, so my grades weren't an issue, but I was so lazy and it's hurting me now.
I agree there should be some good books about female ADD. For me my biggest struggle is concentration and motivation - both have been helped by adderall, but honestly just being aware has helped the most. Now I know what overwhelms me and why. How to ask for help. That I can tell myself that I'll remember something later, but I really won't and it's worth it to stop what I'm doing and write it down.
If you have specific questions ask away!

Ditto this!

[Deleted]

I am really trying to use my EC Planner, make a lot of list and live by my calendar. so its helping a bit.

I really wish I could quit GBCN because this is an easy distraction

[awkwardpenguin]

How old is your DD? I was dx'd at 20, and I really wish I had been diagnosed sooner. My big struggles are organization, focus at work, and self-esteem. The self-esteem stuff is the most difficult for me, and is basically the result of feeling like a failure for 30 years.

I've mostly read books about adult ADD, so I don't have help there. I think Driven to Distraction is a good discussion of what it is like to have ADD. I think the book "Smart but Scattered" might be helpful - it deals with a lot of the core issues that can cause school to be a struggle. I also know there are some books about teaching social skills to kids with ADHD, but I don't have any recommendations.

[awkwardpenguin]

Jan 24, 2013 12:46:23 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

I am really trying to use my EC Planner, make a lot of list and live by my calendar. so its helping a bit.

I really wish I could quit GBCN because this is an easy distraction

I have a program that blocks distracting websites for when I need to focus.  It's called "Cold Turkey".  My problem is having the self-discipline to turn it on.

I can't take stimulants, and it sucks.  I'm really struggling right now with ADHD stuff, especially with keeping my job stuff organized.

[AJR]

I was diagnosed with a visual processing order in the late 80s, I was, um, 7 or 8. I'm dyscalculic--dyslexic for math is how I usually describe it.

I struggle with abstractions--numbers are abstract--five doesn't mean anything to me unless you have five of something. I had a lot of trouble with higher order math where numbers stopped meaning things. Loved geometry because there were a lot of pictures that went with it. I also struggle with coordination (including terrible handwriting), reading sheet music, and spatial relations, which are all part of the same oddball processing. And I was just diagnosed ADD, I've always had it but been able to cope using some tricks--but I've been very overwhelmed lately and the tricks stopped working. Hello adderal! nice to meet you.

I never once had a behavior problem. Teachers loved me. However, they would write home complaining about focus, attention to detail, and organization. That's where my ADD shows up. When I took the ADD quiz, I was nearly solid 5s (meaning "all the time") in one section in particular, all 1s and 2s in a couple of the others. I guess the behavioral ADD is one of those sections that I was low in.

It's hard for me to talk much about my experience as a kid, because it was normal to me so I can't tell you how it will be different from what you experienced. I know I learn differently that others, I am very hands on. I was in support classrooms for grades 4-6. I had a great teacher who shored up basic skills I was struggling with by changing her teaching style to meet my learning style. By 7th grade, I had the basics solidly and was able to adapt better to more traditional teaching methods so I mainstreamed.

I've had solid grades--but inconsistent. I'll take a top spot in an english class while nearly failing physics. My motivation for subjects matched my proficiency, hated physics, loved english. I went to college, majored in journalism. I work in TV--stitching together stories using pictures. It's a perfect match for the way my brain works, and I have several shiny statues that prove that.

I don't know what you mean about friendships. I've always kept a tight circle of close friends. I had a bit of a tough time while I was in special classes because other kids thought I was there for being stupid and there was some bullying that went with that. I don't think I particularly struggled with social skills, nor would that relate to the kind of processing issue I have--so far as I understand it.

Some educational tips:
>Your kid is just as smart as any other kid, but the wealth is not evenly distributed like others. Learn to celebrate a C- in physics and an A+ in English the same way (or however the breakdown works for her). Likely the grade in physics was a harder fight! My mom got this, and her support maintained a high level of self esteem I still have today. My dad didn't, and I don't speak to him--in part because of it. I distinctly remember struggling with fractions. To this day, if I need to add 1/4 plus 1/3, I go down to the kitchen and get out measuring cups, pour them into a bigger cup, and read the answer. He absolutely berated me for not being able to do it the common denominator way.
>Having said that, she may have unorthodox means to solving problems. People often point out I sometimes do things "the hard way." There may be a straighter way to get to answer, but I often take the detour because it's the road I'm comfortable driving.
>Some teachers don't get it, get away from them as fast as you can. My first grade teacher attempted to shame me in to learning her way, it was terrible (prediagnose, but still) . When I went to register for high school, a guidance counselor looked at my history, and wanted to put me in remedial classes despite solid performance for two years on the track I was taking. I switched to a small catholic high school for grades 9 and 10, then back to public school. Maybe it's better now, I don't know. If your kid is in a class with a teacher who is not working out...move heaven and earth to get her one who does. This actually works the same for bosses. I won't work for perfectionists. They will hate me, too. I don't execute or motivate the way they are used to--we both lack the flexibility in our styles to meet in the middle.
>She'll find her own way in life. I still know some of the kids I was in those classes with. We've all turned out fine.
>I don't think this is a learning disability so much as a learning differently...I can learn just fine. Just not the traditional read/memorize/regurgitate/drill model. SHOW it to me, help me visualize it, and I have it almost immediately.

Feel free to ask me any questions...happy to talk about.

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2013 14:11:34 GMT -5 Mrs.flang said:

Jan 24, 2013 12:41:48 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

Ditto this. I was diagnosed this year. I dont have hyperactivity and behavior problems. Mine are lack of motivation, inability to focus, lack of concentration.

Adderall helped a lot but didnt take it away. and now that I am no longer on meds, its been pretty bad. I wish there was a book out there to help people like me. I'm struggling now but I can't go back on adderall for like, 2 years

Hmmm, I thought my lack of motivation, inability to focus and lack of concentration at work had to do with me not really enjoying my job.  My H takes adderall for ADHD and always offers me half a pill when I complain about work because it's helped him so much.  I never thought it was a "real" problem for me though, just laziness.  Do you ladies experience this in other areas of life, and in what ways?  

(sorry to have highjacked the post)

I thought it had to do with my job as well, but it really was permeated in all aspects of my life, and didnt change when I switched jobs. I was the same way throughout my life- in school, volunteer activities, everything. I just never realized it before. I was tested by an ADHD professional and turns out there was actually something there.

Adderall was very good at helping with focus and concentration, but not so much with motivation. 

[ijack]

I would not take adderall unless I'd been diagnosed. It's a scary drug and very easy to get addicted to.

[Deleted]

Jan 24, 2013 14:57:39 GMT -5 ijack said:

I would not take adderall unless I'd been diagnosed. It's a scary drug and very easy to get addicted to.

yes yes yes.

We had major issues with my sister and her adderall addiction a year or so ago. I was always extra careful about it because of what it did to her. She was literally like a drug addict, seeking adderall. She was prescribed it for HER ADHD, but she'd run out 2 weeks before she could get more because she abused it. 

[imojoebunny]

Thanks Ladies! I appreciate your offers and will follow up on them soon. Home work time is now and we have some other things to get done this afternoon. I do have a lot of questions. DD is 6 btw... Forgot to put that in my post.

[sicilygirl]

What kind of doctor would you talk to if you think you have these same issues? Psychologist? Psychiatrist?

[StJess80]

Jan 24, 2013 14:57:39 GMT -5 ijack said:

I would not take adderall unless I'd been diagnosed. It's a scary drug and very easy to get addicted to.

Ditto. Although, I don't feel like I am addicted to it, but it is a scary drug with even scarier side effects.

[Deleted]

I went to a NP who is able to write prescriptions. She was under the supervision of a psychiatrist.

[AJR]

My diagnosis on ADD was first my regular doctor, referred to a specialist psycologist, then referred back to family doc for the script.

For the learning disability as a kid, there was a series of testing done by a psychologist. Things like, here are pictures of two trees, one small, one big. How many small trees make the height of a big tree? And, what temperature is a normal thermostat set at?

My LD is documented with the regular doctor, and there's a high "comorbidity" between the two. Plus a 20+ year relationship with this doctor and practice. I think it helps to work through people who know you.

[Deleted]

I have ADD as does my sister and I suspect DS has ADHD. I was told to read "Living Without Brakes".

[statlerwaldorf]

I was diagnosed in elementary school.  I didn't have much behavioral problems, but I did have trouble sitting still and paying attention that got me into a little trouble.  I was actually at the top of my class and the good part is that I've been able to use it to my advantage a little bit.  I've gotten pretty good at multitasking.  I was put on Ritalin and switched to Adderall as a teenager.  I've always had trouble with insomnia even before I was put on medication, so I've been on different sleeping pills as well.

I didn't struggle too much in school until I got more to college.  I didn't really need to put any effort into it until then.  The biggest problem is that I'm very forgetful.  I feel like I am constantly running circles around myself all day.  Leaving wet laundry in the washer, putting something down and forgetting to put it away, and things like that are normal for me.  Organization has always been a struggle for me.  I've found a lot of ways to cope with it.  I have to have routines for everything.  I even write myself notes and put things in my phone most people would find unnecessary.

I went off Adderall in 2007.  I've been either TTC, pregnant, or breastfeeding since, so I haven't gone back on it.

I had a lot of trouble with social skills, but it's kind of hard to have an outside perspective on why.  I've always struggled with everyday conversations.  I had trouble reading social cues and knowing when to let the other person have a turn speaking.  That never came naturally to me.  I still struggle with verbal diarrhea.  At least now I notice I'm rambling, but sometimes it just kind of comes out.  I'm pretty shy and have trouble starting conversations.  I get very nervous meeting new people.  I've also struggled with anxiety and depression as a teenager and adult.

[imojoebunny]

I appreciate all of this, especially AJR's comment that she will find her way in life. I read these books and the studies and they make it sound so dismal. I need to hear that she will be ok, even if some doors are closed to her, others are still open. It breaks my heart to watch her struggle so much. She is a kind, smart, creative, good child, who wants to please. I can see where over time, the frustration that she has particularly in school could take that away. I don't want that to happen, but I don't yet know how to stop it. That is for me to learn, and your stories and information are the very begining of that process.

I am ordering a couple of books, have made some appointments, and am reaching out to some other parents.

[ijack]

Don't be discouraged. She may struggle in some areas, and she may not.
Many people didn't believe that I had it because I'm *so* smart. I think there may be some stereotypes that not everyone is aware of. She will find her way, and figuring it out early is only going to help her.
Once piece of advice - it's VERY common for people with ADD to have poor memory because they don't focus (and it's been explained to me that a thought needs to have a certain amount of time in your brain alone before it becomes a memory). I have very, very few memories of my childhood and I know it makes my mom sad, so I would recommend making some kind of photo book or scrapbook every so often to help her remember things

[Deleted]

My mom still doesn't believe I have it because I am smart and always did well in school. My sister, who was diagnosed as a teen because she has typical behavioral issues, has a very different type of ADHD than me, and my mom compares the two of us. Because I am capable and my sister is not (she did well in school too, but after she was diagnosed and with special help, and lots of time spent studying), I clearly cant have it *eyeroll*

So don't think of this as a death sentence at all! I'm a lawyer, after all. There is no limit to what she can do, but if she is more like my sister than me, she will need a lot more help and support. I think my academic abilities hindered my diagnosis and in the long run did harm. I can't even imagine what I could have done with my life if I had been diagnosed as a kid.

[darthnbjenni]

I was never diagnosed as a young child with ADHD, but have been as an adult. Adderall is a lifesaver for me.

I wish I had been, because I would have done so much better in school under the right medication and help. I was a B/C student with a sprinkling of As. I'd ace every test, but couldn't focus to do my work.

[awkwardpenguin]

Jan 25, 2013 10:16:08 GMT -5 imojoebunny said:

I appreciate all of this, especially AJR's comment that she will find her way in life. I read these books and the studies and they make it sound so dismal. I need to hear that she will be ok, even if some doors are closed to her, others are still open. It breaks my heart to watch her struggle so much. She is a kind, smart, creative, good child, who wants to please. I can see where over time, the frustration that she has particularly in school could take that away. I don't want that to happen, but I don't yet know how to stop it. That is for me to learn, and your stories and information are the very begining of that process.

I am ordering a couple of books, have made some appointments, and am reaching out to some other parents.

You are worried about the right things, but you are on your way to helping her make her way though this.  I think books that take an "executive skills" approach are really interesting - that is definitely the biggest of my issues.

You always have counseling as an option if the ADHD issues start to affect her psychologically.  But I think you are doing everything right - hang in there mama.

[chia]

I've never been diagnosed, but have alot of the classic symptoms. My experience has been a lot like statlerwaldorfs. Luckily, over time, I've found ways to cope (and found an understanding husband... ).

Sent from my Nexus S 4G using proboards

[Deleted]

I have it too, and was just rediagnosed as an adult. I was diagnosed as a kid but convinced my parents/doctor that I could do ok without medication when I was about 10, I had enough social problems (dorky kid) and didn't want to also be the kid who went to the office every day for medication. I always did fine in school and was smart so I think my parents probably let it go.

I am on medication now, but I think it only marginally helps. I do sometimes find periods of focus that I don't feel like I had prior to the medication, but they are few and far between and many days I'm just as all over the place as ever. I also struggle with motivation and I'm easily pulled off task by MM or emails or just about anything really.

Socially - IDK. I was a dorky kid and painfully shy until high school. I never really got "cool" but from high school on I've had no trouble getting along with, making conversation with, and generally being liked by most people. I tend not to have many (or any?) close relationships but I don't think there are many people in my life that I encounter that have reason not to like me, at least casually, and I like most people too. So I don't think ADHD necessarily means your DD will have a problem, socially.

I can never figure out how to be an awesome employee though. I try and do "my best" and it's never good enough. I do imagine that's partly ADD related.

[MadamePresident]

My sisters have it. They are on the Feingold Diet which has helped them so much.