Are your parents hinting for grandkids?

[simpsongal]

I dont' think I've seen this topic discussed, at least lately.  Are your parents' and in-laws hinting for grandkids?  If you already have kids, did they drop hints?

Feel free to discuss what was said, how/when, etc.  For some of you, I'm sure "dropping hints" was more like beating you down on the subject on a daily basis. 

[VillainV]

Fortunately my parents and in-laws already have grandkids (we both have older siblings), so we aren't getting too much pressure.

[simpsongal]

My folks pride themselves on being very 'hands off' and mellow. But my mom is suddenly making subtle comments about grandkids. I think the holidays being around their friends w/grandkids brought it on. Plus, my grandfather passed away before Christmas - he was the last grandparent and a reminder of my shrinking family.

DH's folks haven't said anything b/c they have a grandkid on the way.

[Deleted]

In-laws and their friends did after we got married 4 years ago. My SIL had a baby and we went to Ireland for the christening and people were like "don't worry it will be you soon". It was pretty funny because at the time I definitely wasn't ready so I was not jealous. Since getting cancer, they backed right off.
My folks have never hinted or anything because most of my life I have said I would never have a child. So they had no expectations.

[annabear07]

My parents already have 2 grandkids from my brother so absolutely no pressure there. So much so it's almost annoying in that I feel like an afterthought since I haven't produced children yet... My ILs have been very very good for the past 3 years as they are Italian and bambinos are second only to God! But this past summer on our visit it was a full court press of pressure where nearly every conversation got rerouted to us having kids sooner rather than later! However at Thanksgiving they said nary a peep. I can't figure them out!

[thoseareradishes]

My parents are very good about keeping quiet about things like that, plus my siblings all have kids already. However, I know everyone is hoping we have a girl, since all the grandkids so far are boys.

[gibbylod]

Neither my parents or In-laws are subtle about their hints. But I live continents away from my parents and we rarely see my in-laws so it doesn't bother me too much.

[vmars]

My MIL said she wanted grandkids by the time she is 60 (she's 60 now). After her dad died she told me 27 is a good age to have kids (I was 26, now 27) and I told her I wanted to be older before having kids

My mom told me I had time before shed bug me but when my sister came to visit our house with her kids she told me "oh now you will know how to baby proof when you have kids!" Lol eye roll

[Deleted]

disclaimer-I have a typical chinese mother and I am an only child.

She asks me at least every other day. Her friends ask me and they tell me to hold their kids/grandkids for good luck. She says she is embarassed that she is the only one out of her friends to not have grandkids. She tells me things that she heard my H and I should be doing, such as not exercising too much, not eating this or that. A few months ago, she told me that we should try switching our position in bed as it was not good feng shui. ::)lol She is harmless but really desperate. My dad and in-laws are much more chill and don't really mention it.

[magpie]

Not at all. I have an a-typical Chinese mother, I guess . My folks didn't have kids until they had been married for ten years and they were 34. In fact, my mom encouraged us not to have kids for a while when we go married. I'm not sure what she thinks now that we've been married for a couple of years and I'm getting older (32). She keeps quiet and so does my dad.

My inlaws live on the other side of the world, so I don't get to see them more than once a year or so. They never mention it when we talk. They are both very hands off, private people though, so I doubt that they would share any opinions even if they did want grandchildren. I guess we are lucky because there aren't any grandchildren in either of our immediate families. It will be a big deal when it happens, I'm sure!

Oddly, the biggest press source of pressure that I get is at work. The ladies at lunch, who are mostly older that me, with kids in their teens, are always asking me if we are going to have kids. They regularly make comments about how I'd better start trying because I'm not getting any younger. It's frustrating because I don't want to share that we ARE trying because I am rather private, but I'd like them to lay off a bit, you know? I know that I'm getting any younger! I don't need them to tell me about it of weekly basis!

[bazinga]

Most people (parents inlaws coworkers) know we plan on having kids so they make comments all the time about oh when you are pregnant or when you have a kid blah blah blah. I am hoping the pressure doesn't get to me.

[simpsongal]

LOL at the similar intros to Magpie and Missy's posts yet the disparate situations

I'm glad most of us are not getting too much pressure. An inquiry or hint once in a while reminds me how thrilled my folks will be when it happens. I can imagine it would be difficult to hear if you were having trouble TTC. I wish more people were sensitive to that. I had no idea how common miscarriages were until I started reading up on the subject.

[awick14]

My parents don't ask/mention kids to DH or I. They have one 8 year old grandchild.

ILS, they ask all the time. (Mainly MIL and SIL, FIL doesn't say much)

Dh's grandma just keeps telling me "I don't want to pressure you guys to have kids but it would be nice if you had some before I die." She is not dying, at least not to our knowledge. Other then being old (87) she is fairly healthy. She doesn't expect to make it to this Christmas. (No idea why)

[sonrisa]

They all know about the miscarriage, so hints would be in poor taste. However, my toddler asks for a baby regularly.

[pooh8402]

we're past the hinting stage. we know our parents want more grandchildren. however, there are already grandchildren on his side and mine, so the pressure is minimal. my aunt is the worst, actually.

[krystee]

My mom has been hinting since our wedding. Over six years ago.

She has a little chest of books and outfits and things she's bought for a future grandchild over the last five years. Mty grandma (her mom) just passed away in December, and they were the best of friends. She spent a lot of time taking care of her and I know she would love a grandkid to help ease the loss. I decided to tell her we were TTC because she was struggling with the loss, and she beamed and teared up. Let's hope it doesn't take a long time, or I may regret this.

H's family has never hinted/pressured until a week ago, when they told us they can't wait for grandkids.

[Deleted]

Not from my family. I used to get it from my in-laws....or, I should say, some of my in-laws. Whenever babies are around, my of my nieces kept commenting about how "didn't I want one?" or "Wouldn't this convince you?" or "Maybe tempt [DH name] with this baby." Dumb crap that just got further and further under my skin.

I'm not very sensitive about most things, and am an extremely kind person in my "normal life," but I was completely freaking OVER this particular niece and her "joking" statements. I had a strongly worded, wine-fueled monologue, and it has stopped. I simply informed niece and several of SILs at one time, that we had been trying for over a year and a half with no luck and that it was very difficult to hear statements about "it's your turn!" and "don't you want one of these?" when YES, IN FACT, I DID wish it was my turn.

Rant over. :-)

[Deleted]

Yes.

We haven't told them we have been ttc, nor are they aware that it's been a year and a half. I have almost--almost-- broken down and said something when I start getting the "it's your turn! When do I get grand babies?! You know, FIL won't be with us much longer.." Commentary, but I'm afraid I would just lose it and it would be ugly. It sucks.

[belovedbride07]

Sorry...this turned out long. :-D
Provided we get pregnant before any other surprises in our families, our baby will be the first on my side and the second on DH's.

My mom, stepdad, and I talk about it pretty openly. Mom knows about our issues thus far, and stepdad doesn't think he's getting grandkids from his bio kids anytime soon (and my brother and his FI are too unsettled/immature to reproduce right now), so he figures I'm his best bet. They send me pics of things (funny or serious) that they want to buy their hypothetical grandbaby. I'm happy with the level of discourse.

Dad makes not-so-subtle hints. He's totally going to cry when I finally get pregnant.

MIL is weird about it. I know she'll be ecstatic when it happens, but she always qualifies any statement about us having kids with assurances that she doesn't want to pressure us and "if we decide to." I don't know how to describe how it makes me feel exactly. I guess I'm really excited about the prospect of getting pregnant, and her going out of her way to not be pushy makes me feel like we can't share in that anticipation.

[Cheesecake]

My mom kept telling me about her friends or other people she knows having children/grand children. I just hardly respond, the most I'll say is "wow, she/they are wayyyy too young/immature to have children, I feel sorry for the kids - (a cousin who has 2 babydaddies for her 2 under 3 and she's just turned 21).
She's pretty much shut up about it now. She realizes that I'm the kind of person who - if she keeps asking and hinting - will just not tell her if I do end up pregnant (until the baby has arrived.)

I've not so subtly told people that it's none of their damn business if and when we're having children. That me having children is my choice and their wish for grandchildren/nieces/nephews/whatevers does NOT have ANYTHING to do with whether or not we will choose to have children.

If we have children, they'll be ours, not theirs. Period. So they have nothing to hint or ask about.

(And yes, I felt this way before the who infertility stuff started, I get really, extremely annoyed people who apparently think they have a right to someone elses children.)

Fortunately my ILs are way too polite to hint or ask.

[estrellita]

Any time people bring up our future kids, my mom gets a little quiet. I don't think she's ready yet even though I'm almost 26 and my sister is 34! FI's parents would be happy with grandkids but aren't too pushy. It's FI's grandma that's been hinting at it. She was diagnosed last year with stage 4 breast cancer and she said the thing she "regrets" (I don't think that's the right term but it's what she used) the most is that she won't get to know her great grandkids. She's been doing amazingly well just on medication so although I know things could take a turn at any time, I'm not too worried right now about her not being there to meet at least our first kid. Our kids would be the first grandchildren on both sides (unless my sister ends up knocked up, doubt it, or if FBIL marries his GF who has 6 kids) and the first great grandchild for FMIL's mom.

[simpsongal]

I'm sorry about your grandmother, freckles. I hope she pulls through so she can hold her first grandchild! What a privilege to bring so much joy to a matriarch of the family.

[estrellita]

Feb 4, 2013 9:52:08 GMT -5 simpsongal said:

I'm sorry about your grandmother, freckles. I hope she pulls through so she can hold her first grandchild! What a privilege to bring so much joy to a matriarch of the family.

It's my FI's grandma, but thank you. We considered moving the wedding up so she could be there but unless something happens in the next month, she will be! We know it's considered terminal, but she's in full remission right now. I'm hoping it stays that way for as long as possible. I'd love for my kids to at least somewhat know their great grandparents because I barely knew mine. I think only one of my great grandparents was alive when I was born and they weren't around long.

[Bumblebee]

Jan 25, 2013 12:25:27 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Fortunately my parents and in-laws already have grandkids (we both have older siblings), so we aren't getting too much pressure.

Ditto.

[Jalapeñomel]

They aren't hinting anymore...

My parents already have four from my brother, but DH is an only child.

[sillygoosegirl]

My ILs were dropping hints starting when I was 20 years old and a junior in college. My parents waited until I was 30. For reference, we got married when I was 22.

[macmars45]

My mom drops hints every now and again. I've told her she'll be my first phone call, but our plan is 4-5 years married first. Thankfully one of my sisters has two kids with another on the way. That keeps the limelight off of H and I. My dad never mentions anything about me having kids... I think he figures that's my mom's area... or something.

My ILs have never said anything one way or the other. My SIL has two kids so again, we're not in the limelight anyways.

[Deleted]

I love my parents, because neither of them have ever brought it up. In fact, my dad would love it if we never had kids. On the other hand, my ILs started asking when we were going to start adding to the family at least six months before we got married, and they haven't let up since.