OMG I'm in THAT wedding...

[otowngirl]

I don't consider registry info to be so offensive on a shower invite, when the main purpose of the shower is to give gifts to the bride (couple) to be.

[whosthatgirl]

She could always return any registry gifts and re-buy when she gets home.

[emilyinchile]

The point of a shower is to give gifts, so it's not tacky to mention gifts in the shower invitation like it would be in a wedding invitation. I don't think the sister's idea is so bad. I think she could put something in the invitation with the wording you used except for "let's save them the hassle of having to mail everything home." I don't like the idea that gifts people generously give are a hassle.

[Deleted]

Well, the point of a shower is to watch the bride open gifts, so you aren't really supposed to tell people to mail things because they should be opened at the shower. But I wouldn't really clutch my pearls about this because it is pretty impractical for her to have to arrange to ship everything home. If I got an invitation like this, I'd totally understand (and would maybe be happy to not have to watch quite as many gifts be opened)

But also, since the point of a shower is to watch the bride open gifts, it is perfectly appropriate to mention gifts on the invitation. You're supposed to shower the bride with gifts, and it isn't like the bride is throwing the shower for herself. So if you're going to write a message asking for the gift to be sent to her home, I think the card in the invitation that mentions registries (and that is totally normal and acceptable) is a good place to do it. That way people who don't look at the registry pages (or don't read the messages on registry pages) will see the message too.

[flatlan]

Personally, I think that asking guests to ship the gifts is a little rude but I think you need to ask yourself if it is worth getting into a confrontation with the bride. I think it looks like you may need to pick your battles with this wedding.

[HoneySpider]

I don't think this is as big of a deal as you are thinking it is. When I had my showers, one was in NJ and one was in Chicago and I was living in Phoenix, so naturally I flew. TBH, it was a PITA to have a bunch of physical gifts even though I loved having them. I was able to take a few small things back with me, had to mail some stuff, returned and rebought a few items, and the rest had to be brought by family members and friends via car to our actual wedding (in Pittsburgh) to transfer over to our car to take back. It was a hassle and I really appreciated the people who mailed theirs directly to us.

[dvlish]

oh that's a good idea ill tell her that! that's even something we could take care of later and just mail her the gift cards. thanks:)

[tripleshot]

What's the point of a shower if there are no gifts to open?

[jenikate]

Jan 25, 2013 14:22:29 GMT -5 whosthatgirl said:

She could always return any registry gifts and re-buy when she gets home.

This is what I did. I had a shower with my family in Illinois, but was living in the Boston area. After the shower I returned all of the gifts, it was pretty quick and easy. I was given a gift card from each of the stores. Then when I got home, I went and purchased the items again. I actually made out better, because a few of the items were on sale. So I had extra money on the gift card. I used that with the completion coupon after the wedding.

[dvlish]

Jan 25, 2013 14:24:48 GMT -5 tripleshot said:

What's the point of a shower if there are no gifts to open?

right?  i mean i guess mentioning registries isnt as a big a deal these days since as pointed out by PPs that is the whole point.  i guess im just old school about registry info being shared word of mouth so i can get over that part, but asking people not to bring them to a shower? that is the whole point of the shower...people expect to watch her open them.  her comment was "i dont mean to sound like a brat but i dont care if i open gifts, i would rather mingle"...um, ok. afterall, it is all about her.

[mrssavy42112]

I've been to a shower like this before & while some still did bring physical gifts, most brought gift cards (like me), or if they purchased an item & shipped it, a picture of the item in the card. I like the gift opening, but I prefer hanging out with everyone, so it wasn't missed at all.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry but telling guests they should ship their gifts, either on the registry or in the shower invitation IS rude. Yes, its a hassle for the bride to ship them but it is a gift. Most guests come to a shower so they can give their gift to the bride and watch her open them. Saying "you made this a PITA because you couldn't ship it directly to my home" makes you sound ungrateful.
You might as well say "I only want cash--I don't want whatever stupid present you're going to give me"

[dvlish]

oiy, thanks for the perspective ladies...im trying to just roll with it on this one since i am planning my little man's 1st bday, my cousins baby shower and this one all in the span of 6 weeks! the MMers always have the best suggestions;)

[Deleted]

Jan 25, 2013 14:32:10 GMT -5 dvlish said:

Jan 25, 2013 14:24:48 GMT -5 tripleshot said:

What's the point of a shower if there are no gifts to open?

  i guess im just old school about registry info being shared word of mouth

That rule applies to the wedding, because traditionally it is thrown by the bride's parents (or is thrown by the bride and groom), and it is considered gauche to solicit gifts for yourself or your child.

As the shower is not traditionally thrown by the bride or her mother, showers are different and it is perfectly fine to share the registry information of the friend for whom you are throwing the shower.

[gt7301b]

For some reason asking folks to ship presents to another location annoys me. I had a shower in my home town and I just returned a few things and put the rest of my gifts in my suitcase. It is not that hard.

I also refused to put info for a honeyfund on the invitations for a shower I hosted.

[dvlish]

Jan 25, 2013 14:33:06 GMT -5 flygirl said:

I'm sorry but telling guests they should ship their gifts, either on the registry or in the shower invitation IS rude. Yes, its a hassle for the bride to ship them but it is a gift. Most guests come to a shower so they can give their gift to the bride and watch her open them. Saying "you made this a PITA because you couldn't ship it directly to my home" makes you sound ungrateful.
You might as well say "I only want cash--I don't want whatever stupid present you're going to give me"

5 stars! this is exactly how i feel about it...but, whatever. she is who she is.

[halfpint]

I have no issue with including registry information in a shower invitation. I don't think that's tacky in the least, as that's the point of a shower.

However, I think with regards to her preference, you could include that on her registry page. I wouldn't put it in an invite - and why have a shower at all if you're not going to open presents in front of people? You might have other bridesmaids, MOB, etc., help by word of mouth state that she'll need to take everything home with her. I think most people would get the message to maybe bring something lightweight, and not give her a KA Mixer or someshit.

[Deleted]

Jan 25, 2013 14:37:28 GMT -5 dvlish said:

Jan 25, 2013 14:33:06 GMT -5 flygirl said:

I'm sorry but telling guests they should ship their gifts, either on the registry or in the shower invitation IS rude. Yes, its a hassle for the bride to ship them but it is a gift. Most guests come to a shower so they can give their gift to the bride and watch her open them. Saying "you made this a PITA because you couldn't ship it directly to my home" makes you sound ungrateful.
You might as well say "I only want cash--I don't want whatever stupid present you're going to give me"

5 stars! this is exactly how i feel about it...but, whatever. she is who she is.

Maybe that's what strict etiquette rules say, but on the other hand, if I'm invited to a shower it is almost invariably for someone I'm very, very fond of and happy for, so I'm happy to do what's easiest for them even if Miss Manners would clutch her pearls.  I think you want it to be worded very delicately and make sure that it comes off as a mere suggestion rather than a mandate, but I can't imagine being all that annoyed that it has been suggested that I send a gift for one of my favorite people.  And I'd kind of side-eye anyone who got all that upset about the suggestion.  You know?

[whitepicketfence]

I don't think this is as big of a deal as some are making it out to be. I'd much rather order the gift online, pay for shipping/gift wrapping, and be done with it. I hate watching brides open gifts at their shower. It's boring and it takes forever. I can only deal with seeing so many towels and china settings. I'd much rather socialize.

Also, I'd be pretty annoyed if I received a shower invite without registry information enclosed. I don't want to look that shit up or make a call to find out where you're registered.

[drloretta]

I think your previous experience with the bride is coloring your opinion of the whole thing.

It's perfectly acceptable to include registry information for a shower. That's kind of the point. Wedding invite? No. Shower invite? Yes

I'm also going to assume that the people attending the shower aren't idiots and realize that bride is on one coast while the shower is on the another, and will plan/shop accordingly. That being said, I see no problem with making a mention of it both on the wedding website and in the invite (esp if there are older folks who don't frequent the Internet). I have seen this for people getting married and moving out of the country, similar wording could apply here.

[dvlish]

hmmm... well there is no going back on the invite as its been printed and ready to pick up so the reference to the website is a done deal for registry info.:/ i stand corrected on including it and yes likely my past experience is def a factor b/c every.little.thing with this one is just irking me (the other BM as well FWIW). oh well...it will all work out and hopefully most of the people coming are smart enough to know she has to ship everything across the country and shop accordingly. this to shall pass i guess...

[Deleted]

Jan 25, 2013 15:05:03 GMT -5 drloretta said:

I think your previous experience with the bride is coloring your opinion of the whole thing.

It's perfectly acceptable to include registry information for a shower. That's kind of the point. Wedding invite? No. Shower invite? Yes

I'm also going to assume that the people attending the shower aren't idiots and realize that bride is on one coast while the shower is on the another, and will plan/shop accordingly. That being said, I see no problem with making a mention of it both on the wedding website and in the invite (esp if there are older folks who don't frequent the Internet). I have seen this for people getting married and moving out of the country, similar wording could apply here.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

[otowngirl]

Jan 25, 2013 14:32:12 GMT -5 @cookiemonster03 said:

Why the heck have a shower if the point wouldn't be gifts? I'd be irked to get an invite and have to go hunt for registry info. but yeah shipping them home is stupid and inconvenient to the guests GIVING HER STUFF.

I beg to differ. Finding a gift on an online registry and shipping it to whatever address she has listed is WAY easier than schlepping to a store and wrapping a gift myself.

[livinitup]

I think you are overthinking this. Years ago, when I had a shower in my hometown lots of people had them delivered to my house. It saved THEM the hassle of toting them to the party and me the trouble of shipping them home. It was very natural. I mean, I lived out of town, it wasn't a secret. Most brought the gifts, but almost half just ordered online and clicked the button that said "ship to recipient" - I had my address online (privately)and the stores knew where to ship it at no additional cost.

People are going to do what they want to do. You don't have to fight the bride on this if she wants to include a note on her preference. I don't think that is going to be a shocker for anyone who reads it.

[giantsgirl]

Jan 25, 2013 15:01:24 GMT -5 v said:

Jan 25, 2013 14:37:28 GMT -5 dvlish said:

5 stars! this is exactly how i feel about it...but, whatever. she is who she is.

Maybe that's what strict etiquette rules say, but on the other hand, if I'm invited to a shower it is almost invariably for someone I'm very, very fond of and happy for, so I'm happy to do what's easiest for them even if Miss Manners would clutch her pearls.  I think you want it to be worded very delicately and make sure that it comes off as a mere suggestion rather than a mandate, but I can't imagine being all that annoyed that it has been suggested that I send a gift for one of my favorite people.  And I'd kind of side-eye anyone who got all that upset about the suggestion.  You know?

I agree with v.  I have been a BM in two weddings where the bride lived out of town and we asked for the gifts to be shipped directly to each bride's home.  Everyone was very happy to wrap up pictures of their gift and the guests for both showers were very creative in making sure that there was something for the bride to still open.  I don't care if it is *tacky*, being practical wins. And having a bride ship all of her presents home isn't practical. 

[sunny]

I do think you're overreacting because:
1) purpose of a shower is to give gifts, so I think it's ok to mention this request on the invite
2) if they are purchasing gifts online anyway, often you would qualify for free shipping above a certain $$ amount or could find a coupon for free shipping so it's really not any extra money

that said, the purpose of a shower is to open gifts. so I'm not sure what they're going to do during a shower when there are no gifts to open. why not just have the shower in her hometown? 

[hannamaren]

I think asking to ship elsewhere is totally fine.
I dont think you have to open gifts at a shower. My good friend had over 50 people. Thankfully no gift opening. Another friend lived out of town and their culture gives cash, so no gift opening. Nobody was faint from breaking politeness laws

[wannabe]

For my cousin's shower here (she lives in CO), I did ask guests to have the gifts shipped to her home as listed on the registry, and then they all wrapped a picture of their gift for her to open at the party. A lot of them got really creative with how they presented it, and no one objected.