What kind of parent are you?

[nilex0102]

This is probably a question for MOOKs and some food for thought for FTMs.

at our house we are overall pretty consistent in enforcing the rules between the two of us and there are some that just cannot be broken (keeping promises, lying and so on). But the things that push our buttons are completely different. Also overall my husband is probably more strict, not that it's a bad thing, because I can be too lax or compassionate sometimes so we balance each other out. So for those with some experience are you the parent you thought you would be and is your partner?

[Deleted]

Hmmm, interesting. In our house DH is more the enforcer/disciplinarian of big things, and I nag on the everyday little things like manners I am a manners and food nazi. We try not to shout at DS1, he gets time-outs, and I try to always give him positive feedback when he does the right thing, plays nicely with his brother, is helpful to me, to counteract all the nagging I seem to do on a daily basis. *sigh*

[tuck]

I'm much more of a buddy than I thought I would be. H is really well behaved, and she doesn't act out too much.

It was a process getting here. When she was much younger, we would occasionally spank, but as she's gotten older, we've gotten much more AP.

[ashleydl83]

I'm definitely more laid back than I thought I would be. Now that I'm parenting solo, things are going to change. I think being strict to a degree is a must, but I was raised by an overprotective mother. I went wild when I was 18.

My biggest issue is manners. Good manners are a must, and thankfully, that's what most of the boys teachers have made positive comments about. Respect is so, so important.

[nilex0102]

Jan 26, 2013 0:28:18 GMT -5 tuck said:

I'm much more of a buddy than I thought I would be. H is really well behaved, and she doesn't act out too much.

It was a process getting here. When she was much younger, we would occasionally spank, but as she's gotten older, we've gotten much more AP.

 When do you think things got better? Mine is turning four in a month and I can definitely tell he is staring to get things more and not fighting us just for the sake of fighting. LOVE your pictures btw.

[thedahliharpa]

I'm not sure if I'm a hard ass or just relentlessly consistent. DH is not consistent so I feel like I over compensate. I think I'm better at talking to my oldest at her level than DH is. DH is more patient but sometimes I see that as being passive.

[tuck]

nilex0102, I think things slowly started getting better around 4. She was never really defiant, but once she was able to really understand the reasoning behind our rules, it got pretty easy.

She if also growing out of being an emokid.

And thank you! I never have pics of me and sadie because h isn't that gifted of a photographer.

[EnchantedSoul]

We are a blended family so it makes us a bit different. In general though, I'm the disciplinarian for both the older kids. DH is a push over and the kids know it. I honestly thought that I'd be this perfect woman who volunteered at school, baked goodies all the time, made friends with all the other stay at home moms at the school etc.

Turns out, I have to work full time. I do volunteer at school but it is nothing like I thought it would be. I'm often sneaking out of work, just so that I can be like the other moms and spend time at my kids school. I frequently run around like a frazzled, over worked, crazy-tired psycho from dusk til dawn. It is not at all how I imagined.


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[katfco]

In our house I'm stricter and more of a disciplinarian, although part of that was because of DH's job, I spent more time with her so he was less involved. Now, he's gotten a lot more involved and will enforce rules. He and I have also talked about his need to step up and not always wait for me to suggest parenting stuff. Now, we're a lot more in agreement on rules and punishments.

I would say I'm kind of AP-lite. DD was also around four when she started to not be so defiant and listen to the reasoning behind rules, although just before DS was born she started to show her strong-willed personality. As my mom said, she has my personality.

I admit, we yell at her more often than I'd like. Sometimes she refuses to listen to the calm voice, so when that happens, she's going to get a raised voice. But it's usually just to get her to listen. It's like "Abby! Obey!" or whatever, not lots of yelling.

[cat19]

I would say I'm AP lite as well. There is far too much yelling at times, but Linz is just like me and it's hard to see all your faults amplified. My big thing is exposing the kids to everything - food, culture, experiences, geekdom and nerdery! I also push Lindsay to read and study all the time. I don't try to make it a chore, but every day she has to read or study for a half hour or so beyond her homework. It's just good for her.

[cat19]

Mom Of Older Kid - you are one!

[fusion]

I really believe in natural consequences for a lot of issues, and try to let Jameson figure most stuff out on his own. I am vehemently anti-helicopter parent. I don't let him get away with anything naughty though. I give him one warning and then a count to 3, and then a follow through of whatever I told him I would do. I see too many naggers in my mom's group, and the kids already know they can just ignore their moms. I enforce more at home with table manners and saying please and thank you, but H is on the same page. Parenting for us is me telling him what we are going to do, the reasons behind it, and showing him examples, and the he basically follows suite.

[livinreality]

I am strict, I normally give one warning then time out or other punishment. DS1 is a pretty good kid and the warning normally works, we use the naughty chair 3-4 times a week. I have a few non tolerant things like DS1 called his aunt stupid this week, automatic soap since he knows this is unacceptable. Other immediate punishment things are being purposely mean to DS2 or danger issues (running into the road).

I don't spank, DH does. I don't see with DS1 that it really corrects behavior, I can honestly get better behavior corrections by saying I don't talk to unkind little boys then ignoring him for a couple minutes. I am not against spanking but for DS1 it doesn't do much at this point.

[kkfeb04]

DH is more laid back then I am. I do time out more but that is because I don't think DS should be pushing or smacking DD's fingers off the table. He says that she needs to learn. I said she's 10 months...good luck with that.

We are both different then our parents, which is what we wanted. DS picked up a Christmas gift and of course my MIL is like that isn't yours it's your sister's, so what does a 2 year old do, he gives it to her by means of dropping it on her while she was napping in the PNP. Both grandmas got up and I said they are my kids, she's fine, she never cried nor woke up. I removed Kalvin and told him that he can't do that and why he can't. Well my gestational carrier thought a spanking was in order and I told her the second anyone lays a hand on one of my children will be the last second they ever see us. My gestational carrier spanked as did her boyfriend at the stupidest things (I once asked what the brand name of my undies meant at the age of 9 and I got a beating). I will not spank. DH also stated his parents spanked and he doesn't believe in it either.

We do lean more AP than we ever thought, but we never read up on Dr. Sears or anything, it was just what was natural to us.

[nilex0102]

I love reading these responses!
We are more AP than we ever thought as well though both believe discipline has its place. But no spanking ever. We use time outs and the loss of privileges a lot. We are also both very matter if fact - if we say there is no TV for not listening to us then there is no TV and end of discussion. Now that DS is almost four he understand more of our reasoning for rules so that makes it easier in a way and harder at the same time because he can argue with us. He likes to argue ;-)
I am super curious to see how this will play out with the second child and how they will react if one of them has a privilege taken away for example.

[Deleted]

Just going off of our dogs, I'm guessing it will be the same for children and they will laugh at my threats and I'll have to bring dh in for reinforcement.