MM Book Club: Values vs. $$$

[Deleted]

Well, I think there is a point where you can't have it all.

I think it becomes a matter of redefining what each of those things really means. Can you feel secure without maxing retirement? That's a lot of money and while it's ideal, it's probably impossible for most people to do without serious sacrifice. If that's your main priority, so be it. If there are other things that are just below it, maybe retirement needs to give a little and you can just max a Roth or save a little more than the year before but not go quite as far.

If you determine family time is more important than wealth building - maybe that is time to look into a job change for your DH. FWIW I think you can do all of the things you list as values with a lower paying job - you just may have to do them in a different way. Travel might not be as exciting but you can do cheap travel too.

It's frustrating. But I think this kind of thing is good to think about because it makes you have to think outside of the box.

[sillygoosegirl]

I think if these are your priorities, you need to go about pursuing them in a way that allows you to fit them all in. And for you are supposed to be cutting back on your spending in areas that are not things you vale highly. Are you tracking your spending yet? How much of your money is going to things not on that list, and can you cut back on any of it? Maybe drive an older car so you can spend more time out with your friends. Maybe live in a smaller home so you can go on more vacations. Maybe cut back on money spent on entertainment (not just "going out," including things like cable and shopping) so you can spend more quality time with your family.

As to the values and goals you listed above, I also have some suggestions:

I have no idea what your income is like, but maxing out retirement might be overkill for you as a percentage of your income. For the median American household, maxing 2 IRAs and 2 401(k)s would be around 90% of the household income. As a goal, it's pretty arbitrary in and of itself. It certainly seems a bit off balance if you are only aiming to have $20K as an efund. I would suggest aiming for between 10% and 20% for retirement, more on the low side if you are really aren't able to adequately pursue the other 4 most important things in your life.

Health - you talk about eating healthier and buying more organic foods. If you pair this with eating less meat, eating with the seasons, and cooking more from scratch, it doesn't need to be a big budget killer.

Friends - I can see making it a priority to travel to see your BFF, but why does spending time with your local friends need to take money? Visit one another at home, or go for a hike.

Adventure - okay, well, yes, travel does get pretty expensive, almost no matter what. But some ways of traveling are less expensive than others. We tend to stay half our nights in hostels to keep expenses down.

Family - I think making time for each member of the family is very important. While funding their college is a great goal, I don't think it should be coming at the expense of having work life balance so you can spend time together. Hopefully you can find a way to do both. As I said above, you are supposed to find the money for this stuff by cutting out as much as possible the things you are spending money on that *aren't* on your list of top values.

[Roc A Bee]

I understand you. When I was reading the book, I thought of lots of values that I could see costing me money. I honestly didn't find that part of the book that helpful.

[dexteroni]

Jan 26, 2013 21:48:59 GMT -5 @domerjen said:

Basically, I feel like my values aren't in line w/ us continuing to increase our income/wealth.  DH currently has a very well-paid job, but he works all.the.time.  He travels for work, too.  He really has no life outside of work - any time he has extra he spends working on the house or spending a few minutes of quality time w/ the kids.  In order to live these values, we would have to scale back his career dramatically.  But then... we'd have no money to do the traveling, visiting w/ friends, doing activities w/ the kids, funding 529's, etc...

I don't think you're a whiner, but I also think there are more options on the spectrum than the two you have laid out (well-paid workaholic vs. destitute). You wouldn't be left with *no* money, you would just have less of it.  But you live in a relatively LCOL area, and your house is paid off, so I think you're in a better position than many to downshift. I know you're still in the throes of a huge renovation, so once you're finished with the big parts of that, your expenses should decrease and you can see what your income/outlay will really be like. (And your DH's free time will increase then as well.)

Do you plan to return to work once the kids are in school? Even some part-time income could allay your fears.  A lot of part-time working moms I know use their income for vacations and other extras.

[Deleted]

You can go back to work. Most people consider a sahp a luxury in today's world.