Settle a Debate please

[caidan]

If one parent has a sore neck, is it  reasonable to expect to lie down and have no reponsibility until it is healed. Assume a SAHP and  one toddler.

[cjeanette]

I have a sore neck pretty much daily so no.

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[Deleted]

What? A sore neck? No way.

[Deleted]

My back was sore the other night and DH took care of two of the kids for a couple of hours on Tuesday night while I rested in bed on a heating pad and watched a movie with the other kid. The next night my back was still hurting but DH had stuff to do so I took care of the kids.
So, I guess it would be nice but I wouldn't "expect" it.

[darthnbjenni]

Negatory. The only exception in our house is high fever, puke, or super contagious illnesses. Then we quarantine and hope no one else gets sick.

[caidan]

Thanks... Just trying to see if I was be unreasonalbe when I said I was tired and needed help with the toddler today. Husband came home from work on friday. "nappped" from noon till 5.

Helped a little this morning with the toddler. Then napped from noon till 5 again and told me I did not understand the pain he was in.

I told him life doesnt stop for pain and since toddler has not been feeling well, I needed help.

Fight ensures and apparently I am in the wrong. He claims he needs to nap all day tomorrow and may take off on Monday so he can be well. Very frustrated tongiht.

[dexteroni]

I'm sorry your DH is being like this. Does he slack on parenting duties regularly, or is this unusual? A sore neck doesn't even get us out of dog duty, let alone kid duty. I suggest you start acting very alarmed at the obviously inconceivable amount of pain he's in, and insist that you take him to the emergency room. lol. Then tell him to get his ass up, take some Advil, and do some goddamn parenting. But I'm guessing you already did that last part, which is what started the fight.

[Deleted]

Not ok.

[caidan]

Yes... the last part is what caused the fight. He is in bed now. Generally he is ok with parenting duties. I feel he has a short temper or gets frustrated quick. When I bring it up he claims he doesnt ever get upset with her. Whatever... He is a perfectionist and really rarely sees when he is wrong. I can mostly deal, but tonight I am really upset for some reason.

[fromage]

Umm, yea no. My husband would probably give me 30 minutes to myself to lie down if I'd been with toddler all day and had a sore back/neck, but 15 hours of napping over the span of a weekend? That's nuts. 

I'm with dexteroni. Insist that he go to the ER if his neck is requiring him to nap for 5 hours a day. 

[AAM2012]

A sore neck does not cause your need for sleep to dramatically increase. Napping for 5 hours doesn't seem normal. Has he seen a doctor for this 'condition'?

[Deleted]

Nope. I have a chronic sore neck. When it's bad, I take Advil and a hot shower. When it's really bad, I have prescription meds from my orthopedist. There are days I can't even move it but I suck it up.

Now, if you had said unable to get out of bed, that's a different story. Then he should be at a doctor.

[Deleted]

How sore are we talking? I basically couldn't move my head yesterday morning. I could barely get my coat on to go to the doctor, and I did literally nothing but lie on the couch once I got home.

But thanks to the pain meds, the pain was under control enough this morning to make breakfast, do laundry, and sweep the floor.

If it's not bad enough to warrant going to the doctor, then it's not bad enough to warrant being completely useless.

[Velvetshady]

If he is in that much pain for that long and unable to do normal things, he needs to got to the doc/ER asap. If he doesn't feel it requires that, then it obviously isn't that bad.

[Deleted]

If his neck is hurting so bad that he needs to be in bed all day, he needs to go see a doctor. Like, yesterday.

[mrst2]

I had a really bad sore neck for 3 weeks and I'm a SAHM so no that would not fly. I did eventually go to the doctor after 3 weeks, but otherwise I just continued on with my normal duties.

[ECB]

Jan 27, 2013 11:54:23 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

If his neck is hurting so bad that he needs to be in bed all day, he needs to go see a doctor. Like, yesterday.

This.  I've had plenty of "sore necks" and they are not debilitating and can hurt for days.  So.... no, a "sore neck" doesn't mean you get out of parenting duties.

People mentioned their backs - a truly "bad back" is another issue all together.  I've had my back go out on me, and THAT is debilitating - I can't function and have to go to a doctor.  However, my back issues will also just be a "sore back".  If it's just "sore" but doesn't require a doctor, then I'm able to function and deal w/ my child. 

If his "sore neck" doesn't require a visit to the doctor, it doesn't require lying in bed for days either.

[RandZB]

My neck and back hurt constantly. My knees are wrecked from 17 years of tennis. I can barely go up and down my stairs without pain. So I say no, random aches and pains do not give you a pass.

[curbsideprophet]

I agree that if things are that bad for that long he should see a doctor. I am also not sure why you would need to nap so much with a sore neck.

[Deleted]

Oh geez - MH would never do anything if that was the case. He has something aching all the time - he always tells me I married a lemon.

[gumi]

Is he doing anything for his neck? Icing? Chiro? Massage?

I have scoliosis, which means chronic neck and back pain. Napping doesn't do anything at all for pain management. Actually, I often move in my sleep to a weird position and wake up *more* sore. If he must take off from work, he best be seeing a professional.

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[twodogsandababy]

I had a sore neck for a few days last week. I have a wrap that you mcrowave and then velcro around your neck. I wore that while playing board games with DS while sitting on the couch. Then I got off my ass and did the other parenting stuff like cleaning and bath. You should go pick up a heat wrap for DH.

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[Deleted]

Jan 27, 2013 14:31:17 GMT -5 curbsideprophet said:

I agree that if things are that bad for that long he should see a doctor. I am also not sure why you would need to nap so much with a sore neck.

Yeah, the only reason I've been sleeping extra is because Percocet + Flexiril = sleepy harpy.

[cosmowife]

Could it be a stiff neck and meningitis?  Just to play devil's advocate.

I will say that I've been in some pretty bad back/leg pain with this pregnancy, and when DH is home at night, he takes over all the physical parenting stuff (bath, etc.).  I still try to help with gathering supplies, dinner, etc, but I will take a few minutes to lay down when he's got the kid under control.

[Deleted]

I would cut a partner who is normally pulling his/her weight some slack for a few hours. It seems weird that he is sleeping that much though. Is he possibly just very short of sleep?