UGH. Now I'm annoyed again.

[Deleted]

I was all ok about it lately (the mother and her carrying on about it) but today gifted friend said to my DS1,
"You're not special, I'M special"

Now I'm pissed off again.  Obv. they are saying this at home to him.?  

The kid's Dad has been over at our place this weekend helping my DH build the cubbyhouse (It's done!) so kiddos were playing at our house all day.  The kid's Dad heard this comment and corrected him, told my DS1 he was special too.

But still, my poor DS1!  
This is exactly what I was hoping WOULDN'T happen, that the genius talk would affect my kid.  She already calls him her little genius.

ETA: my DH is livid.  He doesn't want me to have playdates with the kid.  I'm sad about it.  What would you do??

[nannerl]

UGH is right! How awful, both for your son and the child! At least his dad was there to correct him, and hopefully he will go home and have a talk with his wife to cool it with the "You're the mostest specialest giftedest child in the world" malarky. Comments like that will only alienate the child from potential friends... mom should be aware of that. When I was teaching G&T, I made sure to tell parents to have a conversation with their kids (ONLY if the kid brought it up) along the lines of "Everybody has special things about them that do well. You are good at (math, reading, art, music, swimming, ect), but your friends have things that they excell at too, and it is good to give everybody a chance to show their skills. Maybe it is something amazing that isn't even taught in school, and your friend can help you be good at it too...

Only you guys can figure out what to do as far as future playdates. I guess it depends on how much it bothers DS1 having this kid (and his comments) around verses not having the kid around. And if mom asks why you and DS1 don't want to have future playdates, level with her. Or talk to the dad. He seems to have a better grasp on the matter...

[nls0412]

I agree with nanner. That sounds frustrating and I hope that mom quits being a huge douche about her super speshal snowflake of a child soon. Hopefully the dad can put an end to it after hearing that from his son.

[dojo]

This is all pretty new to their family and they are excited about it so they're probably over zealous about the topic right now, it'll calm down eventually. I think that it sucks for you guys to be put in a pretty awkward situation, but it does sound like they have been good friends to you (hey, the dad gave up part of weekend to help you out with the cubbyhouse, right?) so maybe take this as a learning experience for your ds instead. Tell him that everybody is good at different things, point out some of the things he is good at and make it more about celebrating differences rather than comparing in an I'm-better-than-you kind of way.

[Deleted]

That really sucks, but at least the dad corrected him. It could easily be the mother putting that into his head. However, if it kept up and more things happened I would probably have my LO stop hanging out with a kid that said those things, even if the other kid wasn't gifted.

Growing up I did know some kids in "gifted", I was also, and it really did matter what their parents said. A few people's parents treated them like royalty because they were "gifted" and those kids were impossible to be around, even in elementary school. So for the kids sake, I really hope his parents treat him normal and not talk about him being gifted.

[erniebufflo]

I think this kid's mom sounds like an asshole and I don't think I'd want to hang with her OR her kid. 

And I say that as a "gifted kid" who NEVER would have said that to another kid, because my parents weren't assholes who called me a genius all the time. 

[EnchantedSoul]

I agree with Dojo. I'm sure that is hard for you to hear because you are an adult. Kids on the other hand are pretty resilient and it's our job as parents to help them get there. I, personally, wouldn't stop having his friend over. Kids will have fall outs with friends. Kids can be the most hateful little creatures at times, they're still learning how to be friends.

I'd take your son aside and do as PPs have said. Talk to him about all of the awesome things he can do and tell him that everyone is special in their own way. Sometimes I have to tell SD, "I'm sorry your mom said that to you but really blah blah blah".

I'd also talk to the mom very casually about it too because she may not understand how she is setting up her son. I'm sorry that you're in this position but it's a new dynamic and the boys will figure it out.


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[christidee]

OMG! That is awful! I'm sorry it is now affecting DS. Can you just cut ties, or at least minimize contact for a while.

What did you say to ds1?

[eav2c]

That is terrible. I'm sorry. I would probably cool down the play dates for awhile.

FWIW: my old neighbor who was a grade younger was a "kid genius." She was one of those that skipped a grade and had a perfect SAT. Anyways, she was socially awkward. Had no friends and would cry everyday at school. I felt bad for her. Just because someone is great at one thing doesn't mean they will excel. My old neighbor is nowhere special now. Sure, shes brilliant but she lacks the needed social skills to be successful. Well rounded is the way to be. Smarts are are only a small component to a big picture, IMO, and I hope that this child's parents recognize it. Sounds like he already is beginning to lack in the social area with comments like that.

[thedahliharpa]

Hmmm maybe your DH could broach the subject with the father since it went down on their turf. I imagine it going something like this "Dude, your kid is advanced and we think its pretty cool. But, he needs to mind his manners and not be a little prick. Gifted kids are often bullied in school so he's gonna need a tough kid line C to help him out."

I know that can't really be said but this is how the kid will end up alienating himself..by repeating crap his mom tells him.

[carawestt]

Poor Cruz! I agree with Dahli, I think your H could bring it up with the dad since he seemed to have an issue with what the kid said as well. If it continues after that, I would definitely stop having him come over.

[nilex0102]

I agree with Kasper here - the kids have to learn how to deal with this situation and it is our job to facilitate that.
We have had comparable situations in preschool and while my first instinct may be to protect my baby I had to take a step back and reevaluate.
But all that said there is no harm in casually mentioning it to the mom as she may well not be aware.

[charlielove]

Poor Cruz, that is crappy. I get that their kid is smart, but they really need to be cognizant of what they are saying to him and the effect it's having. At least the dad was their to address the situation right away.

I would be really pissed too because I don't want anyone hurting my kids feelings ever. I think if you just reiterate to Cruz that he is special too, everyone's special in their own way, etc. he will be okay. I wouldn't go as far as not having him have play dates with the other child unless it's something that starts happening every time they are together.