Working Moms - have your feelings changed?

[laurack]

I feel like before the baby I was 100% sure I didn't want to be a SAHM. After I had her, when I returned after my 12 weeks off I was still pretty much 100% sure I didn't want to be a SAHM. I felt secure in this knowledge.

Now as she gets older I find myself more torn. She is so fun now (I mean except for the recent clingyness and pre-6am wakings). But I can sort of picture our days together now being fun and stuff. Like before, I felt panicked at the thought of it.

Anyone else who felt they DEFINITELY would never want to be a SAHM changing their tune a bit as the babes get older?

I can't stay home anyway for financial reasons, but if I could... hmm. I feel like now I'm not 100% sure any more of what I want.

[kistjenn]

Yes, but limited.  In a perfect world where I didn't need to work for financial reason I think I would love to just work 20hrs. a week.  That way I still feel like an adult, and get to do adult things, But at the same time get more time to play with my girls.  Ashlynn is a hoot to be with, she just cracks me up, I wish I did have more time with the girls.......maybe someday......when I will the lottery.

[kandrze1]

I have mixed emotions still. I want to be a SAHM, but not right now. I want to finish my degree. I am really toying with the idea of continuing on to get my Phd. I like teaching part time right now. Part of me really wants to teach full time again. Basically I am happy working 2 days a week, doing grad school, and having a few days a week home to be with Em. I think, even though I am always busy, I have the ideal situation right now. In a few years, if we have more children and I have completed degrees I may be more inclined to become a full time SAHM. I feel like my wanting an advanced degree and my wanting to eventually SAH full time really conflict each other. So I'll see how it goes.

[dixeedeluxe]

Not at all.

But my kids are with family, so my situation is different than some.

[silverjm]

I'd love to be able to cut back my hours and have more time to spend with DS, but I wouldn't want to be a full-time SAHM. I'd probably have to change careers to do that though.

[sunshineluv]

I am so torn about this and change my mind a lot. It would be so hard to quit, knowing my earning potential, now and in the future. But a part of me wants to be poor and SAH. I agree that my perfect situation would be to work part time. I have not made any steps in trying to make that a reality though.

[claralou]

No change. I wanted to SAH and would still prefer that, but have made my work-from-home situation work better than I'd hoped by bringing in a nanny, so I still get to see her throughout the day. I get the best of both worlds, but if I'm being really honest, I'd rather SAH with her. If we're lucky enough to have another baby in the next couple of years, then I'll try to SAH depending on our financial situation then.

[thedahliharpa]

The first time I didn't have a choice and this time my only real option was this hybrid stunt I struggle to pull off each day. I'm getting to the point where I want to just be part time -part time not in the office part time available 24/7. But, I need DH's job situation to change first and that is going to take some time. D can go to school w/ H 3 days a week in the Fall so maybe by then... Then again, I've never been home alone much with a toddler and I may want to run screaming to the office. I enjoy babies a lot but I'm not a park, playgroup, let's do crafts to kill time person. DH would stay home again in a split second if he could and he's really good at it.

[nilex0102]

I am torn quite a bit. There are aspects of daycare I love like the socialization, the learning and all the activities I would not be able to provide them with at home. But I also think the kids benfit from good one on one time with us parents when we are not in a rush or trying to get stuff done on evenings and weekends. Especially as the kids get older and have more activities or start school it gets harder. With two and a demanding job that is not always predictable it can be quite chaotic. I work 4 days right now, going back to 5 in a couple of months and we will see how that works out with my husband travelling regularly.
Even if I decided to stay home for a bit I would definitely leave my older one in preschool (probably half days or less days a week) and the baby some as well, depending on how old she would be. Then there is always the option of a nanny for more flexibility.
All that said I also love my job and when I was home with DS for a short time in between jobs it felt weird not to contribute financially and not to be challenged the way I am at my job, but that is just me.
Anyway, I think being torn is part of being a mom, working or not so I am not sure that would ever go away. My ideal is a somewhat reduced schedule and I am lucky to have that right now but it would definitely have an impact on my career if I did it long term.
I hope this novel made sense to anyone, thank you for reading

[mumegs]

I would still not want to SAH full time, I just don't think I could do it. I would LOVE to SAH like 1 or 2 days a week though, it was so nice on MLK day when it was just the 2 of us all day. But I did not get anything done, work wise or around the house.

[Deleted]

Jan 28, 2013 13:15:51 GMT -5 mumegs said:

I would still not want to SAH full time, I just don't think I could do it. I would LOVE to SAH like 1 or 2 days a week though, it was so nice on MLK day when it was just the 2 of us all day. But I did not get anything done, work wise or around the house.

My feelings exactly!

[rainbowchip]

I still feel like I would love SAH. I think of all of the things I could be doing with them that I can't because all I do now is come home, make supper, clean up, and put them to bed.

[Deleted]

Yes. Before lo I was 100% sure is would be a working mom. Now, I'm quitting in May to stay home and go to school part time. I can't wait!

I just can't work full time and be the wife and mom I want to be.

[unclejesse]

I wish like heck I could work part time. I hate being away from him so much and working PT would mean I'd see MH more than one day a week.

Sent from my microwave

[skiesthelimit]

I stayed home with X for 6 months and I used to say I could never be a SAHM. The older he gets and the more interactive he is, the more I wish I could stay home with him. Maybe not full time but being able to work part time and stay home with him part time would be nice.

[laurack]

Part time would be ideal, like to work 2-3 days a week and closer to home, instead of my current 5 days a week + 2 hour roundtrip commute. But, like someone previously said I suppose I'd have to change my career for that.

I love my job itself, the company I work for, even the 1 hour commute is pleasant (I walk and train, I don't drive). BUT I want to be able to do my job and have much more time with her. I hate that I feel so rushed all the time, getting up so early, gone all day, rushing in the evening to get a dinner on the table then its bedtime. Ugh.

I work for a good compnay, I like the people, I make good money and I have 27 vacation days, which is something I couldn't easily get again if I "changed my mind" after being at home with her for a while.

Also while I hated the idea of daycare before, now I see how much she loves it, the interaction, the activities etc. And I feel that in a way I'd be depriving her by keeping her home with me!

Sorry for the novel. This topic has been on my mind a lot lately.

[Regina Philange]

I want to work part time. In my dreams!

[katie]

No, I still am happy to be working. If I could work from home full time that would be great. It's such a relief when I work from home (still take her to DC) because I can do laundry, go grocery shopping, prep dinner and still get in 8 hours of work. I also don't have to worry about getting myself ready, the drive to and from work, it saves like 2 hours when I WAH. If I could work PT that would be even better but ideally I would not want a salary cut.

I really like what I do and I love the flexibility that I have with working when needed. Plus my boss and other co-workers are in a different state so I don't have anyone breathing down my neck. I also love Lillian's daycare. The teachers are great and the school is awesome. I think having all these things in line helps a lot.

[Deleted]

My feelings changed from pre-baby. I thought I wouldn't mind working but now I can't imagine working full time. I feel I have the perfect setup. I work MWF 9-5 and can go home on my lunch to see her. I love it so much and couldn't imagine it being any other way.

I still don't think I'd want to be at home full time- I enjoy getting out, socializing, getting things done- but I also have a great job and great coworkers- if I hated my job, id feel different.

( sorry for horrible grammar- too lazy to fix!)

[Deleted]

Yes, mine have. Like others have said before, working part time would be ideal. I miss her so much some days. But other days, the alone/adult time at work is a little nice. I do think it is easier to be at work, than having to constantly try to keep her entertained and stimulated. I like work, but I love spending time with my daughter. It's hard to find the exact right balance.

[nls0412]

I feel the same as you. The older he gets the more I want to stay home with him. Ideally I think I would like to still do something part time, but I'm really starting to hate being away from him so much.

[Deleted]

No. If anything, my desire to work has gotten stronger. I know this might piss someone off, but I am just describing my feelings. I love what I do-it is important to me and fulfilling. I didn't lose my desire to be successful and professional when I had Thad. I may be overwhelmed sometimes and I may feel sad that I miss things, but I feel that working allows me to be the best me. I wouldn't feel complete if I stayed home. I don't like pictures or scrapbooking or crafting. I am not a PTA mom. I want Thad to see me succeed and I firmly believe the only way our society will become more accommodating to families is if my son grows up assuming that moms have careers and professional passion. That doesn't mean everyone should work, but it means that I should.

[irishsara]

I waffle back and forth. I like working and getting out of the house, but I would also love to stay at home. However, I don't want to stay at home if we can't afford to leave the house, you know? So until our situation changes a little bit, I'm going to have to keep working. If I could work and have a business on the side doing stuff in my spare time would be ideal!

[laurack]

yeah if I did decide to stay at home we'd be kinda poor so it wouldn't be much fun. The other moms would be like "hey lets meet for lunch!" and I'd be like "hmm do you mean lunch at your house.. coz then ya cool.. oh you meant a restaurant? oh no I'm actually.. busy.."

[lydiasings28]

I would love to be able to afford to work part time. My days just seem to run together now and I feel like I'm missing so much.

[helicase]

For me, I feel like this is an issue of "the grass is always greener on the other side". As T has gotten older, it is so much fun spending time with him in the evenings/weekends. I imagine staying at home would be fun. However, I know myself and I know that I would get bored doing "kid things" all day long. I think an ideal situation, for me, would be a 30 hour work week.

[The Foozzler]

I want a part time gig with flexible hours.

However, if I give up my teaching job, it is next to impossible to get another if I wanted to go back to it. The plus side of being a teacher when the kids are older is having vacation with them. The down side right now is full time with no flexibility.

[Deleted]

I would love to just be able to work part-time and spend more time with the girls. My goal is to be in a position to cut my hours in the office next year so I can pick J up from school.

[Deleted]

I really would love to be a SAHM.. H and I decided that by the end of this summer we are really seriously going to look at finances and if it would be feasible for me to and I just might.

[abitofashout]

Jan 28, 2013 13:41:13 GMT -5 @lindy said:

I just can't work full time and be the wife and mom I want to be.

I discovered this very thing about a month into being back at work after my maternity leave, so I quit in December and am figuring out what's next. I'm not good at juggling, at all. I kind of envy those who are, but I do love being home.