Do you believe in the biological clock?

[Muddled]

Myth or not? What do you think?

[smock]

Yes. Uh . . . I mean, no.

[imoan]

I always thought it was ridiculous... until a few years ago.

[Muddled]

That's where I'm sitting, imoan. I thought it was total BS until about 32 and then I started to think there might be something to it after all.

I go in circles about it, though. Is it really a biological pull or is it actually just the fact that just about all of my friends have had babies in the past 5 years?

[smock]

Muddled, I'm having the same debate with myself. I don't feel an ovary tug towards children, but I do have that logical conversation along the "I'm getting to be a certain age so I need to make certain decisions" line. I'm not sure if that counts as a biological clock, though.

[Muddled]

I can definitely identify with that, Smock. Now or never. It all seems so final and scary.

[fussbucket]

Smock, imagine I'm quoting you.

That's where I was. I think purely physiologically, my desire to have children was always very meh. My decision of whether to have kids and to do so starting when I did was purely the result of the executive function of my brain, not the primitive brain-stem end. So no innate "biological clock" for me. It was primarily an emotional and practical decision.

[Muddled]

I feel the need to add that I fee nothing in my ovaries. It's all in my head. That is the part that I do know.

[wrathofkuus]

I guess it exists, since some of you have experienced it. From my experience only, I would've said no.

[fussbucket]

To put another way, racking up miles in my 30s didn't alter any fundamental biological drive I felt to have kids, low-level as it always was. Would I have continued to feel that way if I had gotten closer to 40 without having had them? Impossible to say, but it certainly seems possible.

The way things turned out, I could continue to entertain the same two questions year in and year out until both answers were yes instead if just one: (1) Do I want kids in my life? Yes/no. (2) Is now a good time to have a kid? Yes/no.

But can biology alone move question #1 from a "no" to a "yes"? That I really wonder about. It seems unlikely absent other, more emotional considerations coming into play (e.g. who will take care of me when I'm old? What if I later regret not having kids?).

[imoan]

Muddled, I don't have a ton of friends with kids. So for me, it wasn't that. I asked myself if it was just because we had been together for awhile and maybe this just felt like the natural next step... But it really wasn't that either.

I remember the day I finally admitted it to myself... "Holy shit! The biological clock DOES exist!"

[Deleted]

I'm another "no" because I have never experienced this. I was actually talking to DH about this the other night. I see all my friends and relatives having babies and I think they are cute, but I in no way feel any pull to have one. I think I would like one eventually when we are ready - maybe, but if it never happens for us, I think I'd be okay with that too.

[Deleted]

I think it's a logical thing. I'm nowhere near out of child bearing years so I don't feel the need to have one right now this very second omg! But, I know that as time goes by if I don't have a kid I will have to make the call.

For me at least I think I could live more easily with widening "what if I'd never had kids" and I could with "what if I had", you know? I'm picking my "what if".

[Muddled]

And the mystery lives on...

I can see why the myth exists, if it is one, but I guess there are so many other factors involved that it would be pretty impossible to ever isolate any feelings enough to actually answer this question with any certitude.

By the way, I almost slapped an old woman the other day. She asked if I had kids. I responded,"no." She shot back a "not yet," and I called her crazy.

[gozf]

I didn't, until mine went off. And I'm 34 and divorced, and while I sometimes think I'd really like kids, I know the dude with whom I love isn't ready. And I'm not sure I'm ready. So I probably won't spawn. Sometimes, it makes me sad. Sometimes, I'm hugely relieved.

[fussbucket]

Jan 29, 2013 17:58:21 GMT -5 Muddled said:

By the way, I almost slapped an old woman the other day. She asked if I had kids. I responded,"no." She shot back a "not yet," and I called her crazy.

Dude, get on your game. The correct response to stupidity like that is, "Actually, I'm barren. We're devastated about it."

[Deleted]

Jan 29, 2013 20:24:25 GMT -5 fussbucket said:

Jan 29, 2013 17:58:21 GMT -5 Muddled said:

By the way, I almost slapped an old woman the other day. She asked if I had kids. I responded,"no." She shot back a "not yet," and I called her crazy.

Dude, get on your game. The correct response to stupidity like that is, "Actually, I'm barren. We're devastated about it."

:Y:

[gottadance]

LOL - DL - nice answer!

Well, there is a biological clock, insofar as one can only have children until a certain age. The old eggaroos do get old and chromosomally abnormal- and much earlier than many realize until it is too late. Is there a correlation between the biological clock and one feeling pressure to either a) make a decision one way or another that one can live with or b) have a child before the eggs are too old - I'd say for most women, yes. Even for women who have felt most of their lives that they either didn't want children or if they do, OK, if they don't, that's fine too, when the biological clock starts to run out and they know this is it, they revisit their feelings just to be sure.

[Muddled]

You are right, Fuss. I missed an opportunity. There were so many crazy things that lady said to me that night that I couldn't keep up. I need to do some training.