Overcoming lateness

[awkwardpenguin]

Jan 30, 2013 16:24:56 GMT -5 nomad100 said:

I get that sometimes stuff happens but when it is a chronic issue that the person doesn't ever seem to do anything about other that say "oh, I am sorry I am late again" or "sorry I am late, you know how I am," yeah, I judge.

Maybe I am a bit more judgey because I used to be a chronically late person (since that is how my parents are).  The blackberry/smart phone saved me since I now set appointments for everything from "start getting ready for X", "leave for y", etc.   It is crazy what my calendar looks like but I figure as long as it works for me...who cares.

How do you know they aren't trying to do something about it?  I've spent years working on this, and I've gotten much better.  I would say I'm only late about 30% of the time, but I'm still chronically late.  For most people it's a problem they don't even know how to go about solving.

I have friends who are always super late for everything.  I still like them, I just don't make plans where them being late is going to ruin everything or make me mad.  They're good friends and I know they have more important things on their plate than dealing with chronic lateness.

[nomad100]

Jan 30, 2013 16:46:18 GMT -5 awkwardpenguin said:

Jan 30, 2013 16:24:56 GMT -5 nomad100 said:

I get that sometimes stuff happens but when it is a chronic issue that the person doesn't ever seem to do anything about other that say "oh, I am sorry I am late again" or "sorry I am late, you know how I am," yeah, I judge.

Maybe I am a bit more judgey because I used to be a chronically late person (since that is how my parents are).  The blackberry/smart phone saved me since I now set appointments for everything from "start getting ready for X", "leave for y", etc.   It is crazy what my calendar looks like but I figure as long as it works for me...who cares.

How do you know they aren't trying to do something about it?  I've spent years working on this, and I've gotten much better.  I would say I'm only late about 30% of the time, but I'm still chronically late.  For most people it's a problem they don't even know how to go about solving.

I have friends who are always super late for everything.  I still like them, I just don't make plans where them being late is going to ruin everything or make me mad.  They're good friends and I know they have more important things on their plate than dealing with chronic lateness.

Guess you are a better person than I am.  I still judge.

[awkwardpenguin]

Jan 30, 2013 16:54:28 GMT -5 nomad100 said:

Jan 30, 2013 16:46:18 GMT -5 awkwardpenguin said:

How do you know they aren't trying to do something about it?  I've spent years working on this, and I've gotten much better.  I would say I'm only late about 30% of the time, but I'm still chronically late.  For most people it's a problem they don't even know how to go about solving.

I have friends who are always super late for everything.  I still like them, I just don't make plans where them being late is going to ruin everything or make me mad.  They're good friends and I know they have more important things on their plate than dealing with chronic lateness.

Guess you are a better person than I am.  I still judge.

I mean, I judge sometimes, but it's a people in glass houses thing for me.  I'm impressed with how well you've overcome this and will probably steal your Blackberry idea for reminders to start getting ready.  I definitely wouldn't make movie plans with the super laters, as movies start as you know, a TIME.

[Deleted]

I guess I will also add that I don't understand being 15-30 minutes late to everything. That I do kind of judge, because that's a really big amount of time to miscalculate, and I do think it falls into rude territory when you are supposed to meet someone and end up sitting alone at a table for an extended period of time because the other person isn't there.

I am chronically a few minutes late, but rarely 15 or more unless there was an accident on the way to work or something really crazy and unexpected happens.

Of course I'm making the rules to favor me, lol. But I think there is a big difference between miscalculating your time by a few minutes and miscalculating by a significant portion of an hour.

[hannamaren]

Jan 30, 2013 14:13:26 GMT -5 ECB said:

I see my FIL ALL over this article! I know he thinks it only takes him 10 minutes to get ready, but it doesn't - it takes him probably at least 30 mins. But somewhere along the way, he's told himself it only takes 10 minutes.

DH will often times tell his dad "You need to be here at 3. That means you need to leave your house by 2, which means you need to start getting ready at 1". this actually seems to help!

I do this to my H when we are going out on Saturday afternoon or morning. 

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2013 15:00:45 GMT -5 @redbellpeppers said:

Jan 30, 2013 14:01:08 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

“People who are chronically late are often wrestling with anxiety, distraction, ambivalence or other internal psychological states,” says Pauline Wallin, Ph.D., a psychologist in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania.

This is weird to me. I have a lot of anxiety and am rarely late. When I do run late for an appointment, my anxiety goes through the roof.

right?

I consider myself a pretty anxious person, which is precisely why I give myself 60 minutes every morning for a commute that's <40 minutes. I stress about enough - it's nice to control the things I can.

[Deleted]

Ha! My commute is also 40 minutes, but if I have an 8:30 meeting I know I need to be out the door at 7:30.

[Deleted]

Jan 30, 2013 21:41:26 GMT -5 @theycalledherkate said:

I never understood people who are constantly late, but I've always been one of those people who gets anxious about being late, so I just don't do it (unless it is out of my control like a traffic issue).

I imagine that for people struggling with this issue, it would be easy to wake up earlier and set alarms on your cellphone to go off every 15 minutes to keep you on track. Also avoid dilly dallying in the mornings---do the same routine and stick to it so you develop a sense of timing.

I do the exact same routine every single day, so it doesn't take more time one day than another. If I have an earlier meeting I need to get to, I set my alarm earlier so I can be there on time.

Just wait until that kid comes.

[kwynn]

I really dislike when ppl are chronically *early* and feel like they must not get that much done in a day if they are always making plans to be so early all the time.

i.e. We have a 2pm meeting scheduled and you're there waiting for me when I arrive at 1:20 to set up. It makes *me* feel late and you're super early.

I will sometimes say "We said 2, right?" just to be sure.

Also, like a phone meeting I will call you at 6pm for, at 5:40, I get my phone and gather my paperwork and then you call me...I feel like it was just to beat me to the punch and make me look bad

I've NEVER late to work ever ever. I leave very, very early.

But personal stuff, sometimes. I know it's so bad. I'm trying to improve.

[aspentosh]

Jan 30, 2013 14:19:49 GMT -5 fuddyduddy said:

It's funny, I have actually made a conscious effort to be less early over the past few years. I am always so paranoid about being late that I inevitably end up arriving ridiculously early.

Ditto. If it's something really important, I am almost always 30 minutes early. Then I'll just wait in my car or prep materials again. If it's meeting with girlfriends or something, it's closer to 10-15 minutes early. I am never late.

[aspentosh]

Jan 30, 2013 21:56:08 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

Jan 30, 2013 21:41:26 GMT -5 @theycalledherkate said:

I never understood people who are constantly late, but I've always been one of those people who gets anxious about being late, so I just don't do it (unless it is out of my control like a traffic issue).

I imagine that for people struggling with this issue, it would be easy to wake up earlier and set alarms on your cellphone to go off every 15 minutes to keep you on track. Also avoid dilly dallying in the mornings---do the same routine and stick to it so you develop a sense of timing.

I do the exact same routine every single day, so it doesn't take more time one day than another. If I have an earlier meeting I need to get to, I set my alarm earlier so I can be there on time.

Just wait until that kid comes.

I don't think that's fair to say. Even after DD I am not late. If anything I try and arrive earlier because who knows if she'll need to nurse, or need a diaper change.

Having kids doesn't always mean being late.

[boiler717]

I don't understand when people are chronically, severely late for things. We had friends who were at least an hour late every time we had plans. I don't get how that is anything other than rude to be that late, time after time. They have jobs that require them to be there at set times to clearly they are capable of getting out of the house on time when they choose to do so. We just stopped making plans with them because it was so annoying to wait around for whenever they decided to show up for us.

[Deleted]

Jan 31, 2013 7:08:30 GMT -5 aspentosh said:

Jan 30, 2013 21:56:08 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

Just wait until that kid comes.

I don't think that's fair to say. Even after DD I am not late. If anything I try and arrive earlier because who knows if she'll need to nurse, or need a diaper change.

Having kids doesn't always mean being late.

My comment was in relation to her comment that her schedule is the same and takes the same time every day.

[Deleted]

I am definitely a deadliner, but I am never late. I procrastinate on assignments, enjoy the pressure, but get them done on time. I'm a really punctual person and get anxious if I am late. I was 4 minutes late meeting friends for lunch yesterday because of subway issues, and I felt terrible. That's ridiculous.

I don't have kids, nor do I plan to have kids, but I would imagine things like toddlers would throw a complete wrench in this. If you have a kid or kids running around the house, refusing to get dressed, etc., I can absolutely understand why you would go through an 18 year lateness streak.

[ECB]

Kids can throw a wrench into things, but they aren't an 18 year excuse! You learn YOUR child and you learn what you need to do to get out the door on time. It's really not any different than anything else that you have to plan for. There are exceptions - no doubt. Kids are kids and they can absolutely throw in an unplanned wrench. But it's not ALL the time. And if it is ALL the time, then that tells me that the parent is just using their kid as an excuse.

The concept of "time sense" - makes sense to me and I realize that I do have it and others (my ILs) don't. I have another friend who doesn't either. But the thing w/ her - she's upfront about it. She knows she runs late, and she really does make every effort to fix it. And/or she'll ask "is this something I have to be on time for?" - and if it is (like a movie, vs a party where it really doesn't matter when people show up), she WILL be on time. She can make it happen. And when she is late, she's very apologetic about it. I actually find it very hard to ever be upset w/ her because she is SO aware of the issue.

But my ILs - they just shrug their shoulders and say "Oh- we're always late! ha ha ha" and there is never an apology, etc. THAT'S what gets under my skin more than the actual act of being late. The total lack of effort to even TRY, and the lack of apology.

[Deleted]

My preschooler isnt the same as she was as a toddler as she was an infant. As they get older, have different needs and can speak up, things change.

She was the easiest as a toddler, actually. Now that she is a preschooler who can run,scream, tell me NO MOMMY I WANT THE PURPLE DRESS NOT THE BLUE DRESS, its a whole 'nother world.

But of course this wont last for 18 years and we definitely have our good days. I'm not late to work EVERY day. Just 1-5 times a week

[ECB]

Jan 31, 2013 9:24:51 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

My preschooler isnt the same as she was as a toddler as she was an infant. As they get older, have different needs and can speak up, things change.

She was the easiest as a toddler, actually. Now that she is a preschooler who can run,scream, tell me NO MOMMY I WANT THE PURPLE DRESS NOT THE BLUE DRESS, its a whole 'nother world.

Yup!  It is ever changing.  And if anytime that my child makes me late, it's when I've realized "Oh, A doesn't work anymore.  He's changed the rules on me.  Now I need to figure out what B is and hope that works for awhile!". 

[Deleted]

I used to be late to work all the time. It was often just 2-3 minutes and I got wrote up for it a few times. We have a strict policy.

My issue is that no matter how much I sleep, it takes me a really, really long time to wake up. I could easily lay in bed for hours half asleep. When I roll out of bed I'm a zombie and have no sense of time. I've solved much of the problem by going to he gym first thing in the morning. It wakes me up.

[jillboston]

I think being late in some instances is passive aggression. I have dealt with this for many years with one family member and one friend - they would both describe themselves as passive aggressive.

[mrshandy]

I hate being late. Before DS, I was rarely late. After him, I'm occasionally late when trying to get him dressed and out the door.

If I just need to worry about me, then I'm pretty much on time.