Its weird, because if I have everything under my control and actually look at my calendar, I am NEVER late for things like appointments. I am late when I lose stuff, or just cant get my shit together, and sometimes I just outright forget. So very Absent Minded Professor. But when it comes to work, I'm, of course, the Deadliner :/
Before writing her book, “Never Be Late Again,” management consultant Diana DeLonzor was always, always late. “It didn’t matter what time I got up. I could get up at six and still be late for work at nine,” she recalls. She was reprimanded at work, lost friendships and her timely husband was always mad at her. She couldn't stand being late, yet she just couldn’t change.
“Most people really hate being late and have tried many times to fix it,” DeLonzor says. “Punctual people misunderstand. They think you’re doing it as a control thing, or that you're selfish or inconsiderate. But it really is a much more complex problem than it seems.”
In a study she led at San Francisco State University of 225 people, she found that about 17 percent were chronically late. Among them, there were clear patterns. Late people tended to procrastinate more, demonstrated trouble with self-control (were more prone to habits such as overeating, drinking too much, gambling and impulse shopping), showed an affinity for thrill-seeking and displayed ADD-like symptoms0restlessness, trouble focusing and attention issues.
“People who are chronically late are often wrestling with anxiety, distraction, ambivalence or other internal psychological states,” says Pauline Wallin, Ph.D., a psychologist in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania.
Jeff Conte, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology at San Diego State University who has studied lateness in the workplace, says that there are deep-rooted personality characteristics at play, making lateness a very difficult habit to break. DeLonzor quips that telling a late person to be on time is like telling a dieter not to eat so much. “If it were that easy, we wouldn’t have Weight Watchers.”
With the right approach, however, the eternally tardy can change their ways.
What Kind of Late Are You? The first step toward timeliness, says DeLonzor, is self-awareness. Sit down and go over your history and patterns. Are you late to everything or just some things? How do you feel when you're late? What causes you to run behind?
Julie Morgenstern is a professional organizer and productivity expert. When meeting a new client she always starts with the same question: Are you always late by the same amount of time or does it vary? If it's always the same, that is indicative of a psychological hurdle. Maybe you're afraid of downtime, or feel that you have to fit as much as humanly possible into your day (even if it's not humanly possible). If you arrive late by 10 minutes to one thing and 30 minutes to another, the problem is likely mechanical. Your time management skills need work.
DeLonzor describes seven types of late people. Most fall into the top three categories:
The Deadliner enjoys the rush of the last minute. She thrives on urgency and often claims to work best under pressure. Sometimes it's difficult for Deadliners to motivate unless there's a crisis (even if that means creating crises of their own). Rushing from here to there serves as a way to relieve boredom.
The Producer needs to get as much done in as little time as possible. She feels better about herself when she's checking things off a massive to-do list. Producers tend to engage in “magical thinking,” consistently underestimating the amount of time their tasks will take. They hate wasting time, so they schedule themselves to make use of every minute of the day.
The Absent-Minded Professor is easily distracted. Distractibility is thought to have a genetic basis and can range from full-blown attention deficit disorder to innocent flakiness. Absent-Minded Professors often lose track of time, misplace car keys and forget appointments.
People typically identify with more than one lateness personality. The other four are:the Rationalizer, who never fully admits to her lateness (many late people are at least one part Rationalizer); the Indulger, who generally lacks self-control; the Evader, who tries to control feelings of anxiety and low self-esteem by being late; and the Rebel, who arrives late to assert power (Rebels are usually men).
What Is Making You Late? Watch yourself carefully to identify what is actually making you late. Producers often schedule more tasks, chores and appointments than they can get done in a day (without a Star Trek transporter and a time machine). Perhaps you suffer from what Morgenstern calls the One More Task Syndrome. “I think this is a technical fix for a psychologically-driven behavior. You feel you have to be productive, so you shove one more thing in before you have to leave,” she says. DeLonzor says many late people -- including herself -- have an aversion to leaving the house, and suddenly feel the need to straighten the blinds or open the mail when they should be heading out the door. To combat this she uses a mantra of sorts: “When I catch myself doing this, I'll snap or clap and say ‘This can wait.’”
A note to late-leavers: Texting that you're "five minutes behind!" doesn't absolve you -- or buy you extra time for one last thing. Allow us to reimagine an old adage. Stop (yourself). Drop (what you're doing). And roll (on outa there).
Overcoming Lateness Transforming yourself from chronically late to perfectly punctual is a big task. Wallin says it is important to make deadlines non-negotiable, “like a promise to yourself.” Start with something easily attainable, like vowing not to hit snooze tomorrow -- not even once. “If you can't commit to a small inconvenience like that," she cautions, "you are not ready to tackle your chronic lateness.” Before jumping in, try an experiment: Get somewhere on time. Just once. Just to see how it feels. Note your reaction. Are you relieved or anxious? Proud or bored as hell? Then work your way up from there.
Step 1: Relearn To Tell Time. Every day for two weeks, write down each task you have to do and how long you think it will take. Time yourself as you go through your list -- showering and dressing, eating breakfast, driving to work, picking up the dry cleaning, doing the dishes -- and write the actual time next to your estimate. Many people have certain time frames cemented in their brains that aren't realistic. Just because once, five years ago, you made it to work in 12 minutes flat doesn’t mean it takes 12 minutes to get to work.
Step 2: Never Plan To Be On Time. Late people always aim to arrive to the minute, leaving no room for contingency. Say you need to get to work at 9:00. You assume it takes exactly 12 minutes to get to work, so you leave at 8:48. If you miss one traffic light or have to run back inside to grab an umbrella, it becomes impossible to make it in on time. Don't chance it. Both DeLonzor and Morgentern say you should plan to be everywhere 15 minutes early.
Step 3: Welcome The Wait. If the thought of getting anywhere ahead of time freaks you out, plan an activity to do in the interim. Bring a magazine, call a friend you haven't spoken to in a while, or go over your schedule for the week. Make the activity specific and compelling, so you’ll be motivated get there early and do it.
Finally, if you have a friend or family member that's always late, remember that it’s not about you. Tricking her by saying something starts a half hour earlier doesn’t work; she’ll eventually catch on. And scolding her won’t make you feel any better about her lateness. In fact, it will probably just amplify your bad feelings. Instead, have an honest discussion -- before you’re totally fed up -- and set some guidelines. Try this: Every time your friend is late by 15 minutes or more, she pays for dessert. If it doesn't get her butt in gear, at least it sweetens the deal for you.
I fully do not get why people are consistently late, especially for work. If you have to be somewhere at 2 PM, then you should do it...2 PM comes at the same time every single day...it's not going to surprise you out of nowhere.
Interesting article! I am definitely chronically late. Thankfully, I work for a company where being late is the norm and no one will say anything when you show up at 8:45 instead of 8:30. But I do wonder if my early personality coworkers silently judge me!
I am generally on time for meetings, once I get the day rolling I'm much more "on schedule". Occasionally if I schedule something immediately after work, I run late because I leave work later than I should.
Step 1 is a great thought for me - I absolutely have it ingrained in my mind that it takes 20 minutes to get to work, even though it often takes longer and almost never takes less time. I still have it in my mind as a goal to leave at 8:10, but often 8:10 ends up being 8:13 and then it takes more like 25 minutes to get in and then... I'm late. I also have a bad habit of thinking "If I leave my desk at 5:15 I can get to an appointment at 5:30". Even though leaving my desk means shutting down my computer, putting my coat on, walking through the parking lot, etc which means at least another 5-7 minutes before I'm actually driving.
For some reason, even though I know this, I never remember it until I'm already running late.
It's been a lifelong problem I've tried to break and as of yet haven't had any success. To a point I've just come to accept it.
No, I get this. I hate being late, but I frequently am. Not a lot, but usually a few minutes. I wake up at 5:15 am to start work at 8am, and I'm almost always a few minutes late.
I think I have the issue of not fully understanding how long things take, and I'm always trying to squeeze one more thing in. Or I get wrapped up in chatting to my H, who works at home, and is still lounging around in his pajamas watching the Today show while I'm trying to get out the door. Or I suffer from the Absent Minded Professor symptom where I can't find my keys, or my security badge, or I just plain forget what I'm looking for halfway through (like, oh yeah, I was packing some stuff for lunch...).
I see my FIL ALL over this article! I know he thinks it only takes him 10 minutes to get ready, but it doesn't - it takes him probably at least 30 mins. But somewhere along the way, he's told himself it only takes 10 minutes.
DH will often times tell his dad "You need to be here at 3. That means you need to leave your house by 2, which means you need to start getting ready at 1". this actually seems to help!
Post by mrssavy42112 on Jan 30, 2013 14:13:44 GMT -5
I have zero tolerance for lateness. It is my biggest pet peeve. Worst of all is when someone else (i.e. DH or a friend) makes me late to something. That really sends me spinning. I'm always 15min early & usually make business calls in the car until it's time to go on.
I might have to purchase this book. I am chronically late my whole adult life. I am very, very lucky to work for a company that is tolerant of that. Even though I am under-payed, and under-employed I stay with this company because I am afraid to go somewhere else where I would likely get fired for being late.
Post by fuddyduddy on Jan 30, 2013 14:19:49 GMT -5
It's funny, I have actually made a conscious effort to be less early over the past few years. I am always so paranoid about being late that I inevitably end up arriving ridiculously early.
I don't think I am chronically late, but the part of "The Producer" referenced in that article totally hit home for me. For whatever reason, I never think that things will take as long as they do. So my efforts to be efficient and timely are sometimes self-sabotaged by the fact that I have budgeted 2 hours for something that, in reality, takes 4.
I think I have the issue of not fully understanding how long things take
This is my nature 100%. I used to be chronically late because I would concoct imaginary lengths of time in my head of how long things should take. Getting dressed, hair and makeup? 5 minutes! Or even if I allotted the proper amount of time, I wouldn't allow even a few extra minutes of time for things like running back upstairs to get something, or having to move a car, etc. It's sort of like when someone comes in here with an unrealistic budget that's not based in reality, or when they omit a lot of categories but think it will work out anyway. I'm a lot better at it now, but I had to learn it; it definitely wasn't in my nature.
But lately I've gotten worse at being on time for personal engagements - I think it's that I underestimate how long it will take to get out of the house and how long it will take to get places. I have to count things backwards, like "need be there at 5:30, takes 15 minutes so leave at 5:10, need a shower so get in the shower at 4:10, want to have a snack so should eat a snack at 3:45, etc" so that I can keep track of where I am on a made-up schedule for getting out the door.
Part of this, at least in my life, is that there are so few social engagements that actually require you to be somewhere at a specific time. If I say I am going to meet friends for a drink, it's not really a big deal if I am a few minutes late. Or if a party starts at 8:00, no one is going to blink an eye if I show up at 8:45. I am punctual to things with actual starting times, like a dinner reservation or a movie, but lateness to certain other engagements doesn't really faze me.
This is an interesting read. It slays me when others are late but even moreso when I'm late. I'm rarely late but when I am it's usually because of H. He does this thing (bless his heart) where I'll tell him we need to leave in 5 min and he'll say he's ready to go. 5 minutes later I am ready to walk out the door and he'll still putting on his shoes, checking one more thing, etc. It. Kills. Me.
One thing this doesnt address is lateness due to other people. It takes me forever to get DD ready and out of the house in the AM, which leads me to be late often. Even if I wake her up early, she fights me and makes it hard to get out of the house.
On days DH takes her to school, I'm early. every single time.
This is definetly a probelm I have especially in the morning. I hate waking up a minute earlier than I have to. "If" I'm on time to work I get right here right on the dot.
I don't really have a problem during the day per se but the morning is a killer for me.
I also admit that, to me, a few minutes is not really late. But I get that to some people it is. I had to really force myself to plan 15-20 minutes ahead at my last job, because if I walked in at 8:02, my boss was up my ass about being late.
I can do it, it's just not natural, and really hard for me. I'm not always late - just often enough that it's annoying to me, and that I have a reputation for always being a bit late with friends and family. My timeline is often a lot like this:
2 hours before I have to leave - "Oh, I have a long time before I need to leave. I'll just unload the dishwasher" 90 minutes before I have to leave - "I guess I'll jump in the shower" 60 minutes before I have to leave - "Wow, how did just showering and combing my hair take 30 minutes?? Oh well, I still have a whole hour. Let me just check my email while my hair dries a bit." 30 minutes before I have to leave - "Oops, probably shouldn't have gotten sucked into MM, but that was a great thread! Oh, the dogs want out. I'll feed them, and then get breakfast. Maybe I'll just watch a bit of the Today show." 5 minutes before I have to leave - "Shit, where are my keys? Why is the dog barking? I can't find my other shoe. Did I leave my phone upstairs? I have to pee again."
And that's how I end up leaving 5-10 minutes too late.
One thing this doesnt address is lateness due to other people. It takes me forever to get DD ready and out of the house in the AM, which leads me to be late often. Even if I wake her up early, she fights me and makes it hard to get out of the house.
On days DH takes her to school, I'm early. every single time.
Seriously, if I don't have to get my H out of the house in the mornings I'm a good 30 minutes earlier to daycare dropoff/work. DS I can usually rush and get done at the same time I do, but H takes fooooorever.
Same can be said about our personal life, as H was getting in the shower to start his nearly 1-hour getting ready as our babysitter was coming in the front door. The man has no sense of time (how long something takes and what time it currently is).
I am getting worse about tardiness the older I get.
I often have the magical thinking. But really, I think I just don't see any consequence to being late. Like 5 minutes late at work doesn't matter. But today when I had to be in for a 7am meeting, I was in my chair at 6:50. Maybe it's a minor issue for me.
I suppose I have enough things wrong with me that this is not something I am likely to focus on.
“People who are chronically late are often wrestling with anxiety, distraction, ambivalence or other internal psychological states,” says Pauline Wallin, Ph.D., a psychologist in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania.
This is weird to me. I have a lot of anxiety and am rarely late. When I do run late for an appointment, my anxiety goes through the roof.
I am both a producer and a deadliner, though I think I'm finally growing up and moving away from procrastinating. I recognize that as a new parent, it is inevitable something will go sideways on a day when I HAVE to get something done. In an effort to lessen my anxiety/ stress/ insomnia over work, I'm starting to get things done way before they are due.
That said, I have a coworker who's office is in another meeting. He ALWAYS checks in for meetings 15 minutes early which as someone who is a producer I find so unbelievably RUDE! Dude, if I wanted to meet with you at 10:45am I would have set the meeting for that time instead of 11am!
I have zero tolerance for lateness. It is my biggest pet peeve. Worst of all is when someone else (i.e. DH or a friend) makes me late to something. That really sends me spinning. I'm always 15min early & usually make business calls in the car until it's time to go on.
I agree. I move fast and get a lot done but I am rarely to never late. I understand things happen and come up but, to me, constant lateness is a sign that you don't have your stuff together. Figure it out, be on time.
This is an interesting read. It slays me when others are late but even moreso when I'm late. I'm rarely late but when I am it's usually because of H. He does this thing (bless his heart) where I'll tell him we need to leave in 5 min and he'll say he's ready to go. 5 minutes later I am ready to walk out the door and he'll still putting on his shoes, checking one more thing, etc. It. Kills. Me.
My H is like this too. Drives. Me. Nuts.
I need to work on Step 2 also. I use up every last minute. I'm not usually late, but I usually arrive to work right at 8:30 on the dot. In the summer, my office opens at 8:00am and I'm always late then. I can't seem to get myself and my kids out of the house early enough for that.
Post by awkwardpenguin on Jan 30, 2013 15:39:18 GMT -5
I'm chronically late, and it's very much a time sense issue, along with the issue of not planning for natural amounts of variation. So if the fastest I can get ready to go out is 20 minutes, I'll start getting ready 20 minutes before I need to go every time, even though sometimes it might take me 30 minutes to get ready.
I find Julie Morgenstern's (mentioned in the article) book Time Management from the Inside Out is a really good one.
One of my goals is to get to work earlier (I have no set start time), so I've been timing how long it takes me from when I get out of bed to when I'm at my desk at work to see how long that really takes, so I can adjust what time I wake up based on when I want to be at work.
People who don't understand how people can be chronically late need to understand that "time sense" comes naturally for you, but it doesn't come naturally for everyone. You might want to reconsider how harshly you judge.
One thing this doesnt address is lateness due to other people. It takes me forever to get DD ready and out of the house in the AM, which leads me to be late often. Even if I wake her up early, she fights me and makes it hard to get out of the house.
I agree. I don't even do drop-off, but somehow I'm always helping wrangle in the mornings which leads me to be late for work. On the rare occassions when I don't have to help, I'm always on time to work. Now getting my work done at work, I'm definitely the Deadliner.
Other than work,I hate being late and we are usually on-time or a little early for things.
Post by chalupabatman on Jan 30, 2013 15:53:29 GMT -5
I am almost always five minutes late. In the am it is because I don't want to wake up; normally though its because I am a Producer and want to use every available minute, not sit somewhere early and bored.
Its gotten better since I started dealing with my anxiety re. being productive.
People who don't understand how people can be chronically late need to understand that "time sense" comes naturally for you, but it doesn't come naturally for everyone. You might want to reconsider how harshly you judge.
Seriously! I'm kind of surprised at some of the comments after reading the article - since it explained this.
I think there is a perception that late people are rude or don't have their shit together, much in the same way that there is a perception that fat people are lazy and don't care about themselves. It's just not true, to tell someone who struggles with punctuality (chronically) to stop being late is like telling a fat person to just eat less. It doesn't work that way. It's not like the person is making a conscious decision to be late or thinking "who cares if they wait for me, I'm going to be late!".
Last week I woke up about an hour before I had to and got up, showered, and got ready. I was still a few minutes late. It's ridiculous but I have no clue how to change it. It's not like there haven't been years and years of trying.
Back in marching band days, it was drilled into us that if we getting to the school right at the start of practice time, then we were 15min late. We were exected to have all our equipment ready and be in warmup lineup at the specific time. This mentality is one habit that stuck with me ever since. And fortunately DH is just as neurotic about hurry up and waiting. We even joke how C even came right on his due date (but at 4am, so on the earlier side of things). A lot of my anxiety and list keeping OCD-like behavior centers on the fear of being late.
The Producer needs to get as much done in as little time as possible. She feels better about herself when she's checking things off a massive to-do list. Producers tend to engage in “magical thinking,” consistently underestimating the amount of time their tasks will take. They hate wasting time, so they schedule themselves to make use of every minute of the day.
This is my H. He underestimates how long things take like a pro. It can get super annoying.
People who don't understand how people can be chronically late need to understand that "time sense" comes naturally for you, but it doesn't come naturally for everyone. You might want to reconsider how harshly you judge.
I get that it doesn't come naturally to some people (both my parents are like this). However, that won't stop me from getting judgey when someone is chronically late. Everyone is an adult with a phone, a watch, a wall clock, etc. to help them figure out what time it is. If you know you have a bad sense of how time moves, make appointments on your phone, set an alarm clock, set a timer, whatever it takes.
I hate sitting somewhere waiting for someone who I made plans with, who agreed to the meeting time for whatever it is that we are doing, is late. Hate it. I feel like a dork sitting at the table/bar alone just waiting or milling about the ticket counter at the movie theater waiting. 5-10 minutes isn't too bad but over 15 and it's just rude.
I get that sometimes stuff happens but when it is a chronic issue that the person doesn't ever seem to do anything about other that say "oh, I am sorry I am late again" or "sorry I am late, you know how I am," yeah, I judge.
Maybe I am a bit more judgey because I used to be a chronically late person (since that is how my parents are). The blackberry/smart phone saved me since I now set appointments for everything from "start getting ready for X", "leave for y", etc. It is crazy what my calendar looks like but I figure as long as it works for me...who cares.
People who don't understand how people can be chronically late need to understand that "time sense" comes naturally for you, but it doesn't come naturally for everyone. You might want to reconsider how harshly you judge.
Seriously! I'm kind of surprised at some of the comments after reading the article - since it explained this.
I think there is a perception that late people are rude or don't have their shit together, much in the same way that there is a perception that fat people are lazy and don't care about themselves. It's just not true, to tell someone who struggles with punctuality (chronically) to stop being late is like telling a fat person to just eat less. It doesn't work that way. It's not like the person is making a conscious decision to be late or thinking "who cares if they wait for me, I'm going to be late!".
Last week I woke up about an hour before I had to and got up, showered, and got ready. I was still a few minutes late. It's ridiculous but I have no clue how to change it. It's not like there haven't been years and years of trying.
Yes, I agree with this. I am chronically late...and my H is even worse. We are now sharing a car, so you can imagine how well that's going!
My H definitely has the time sense issue. I feel he is constantly underestimating how long things take...he would tell you though, that I overestimate it!
My issue is just being more of a procrastinator...always trying to get a few last things done. Or, just realizing too late that I need to do something and then being late. I don't like being late...but sometimes just can't seem to get it together. I am constantly late for work because I have little oversight. No one is keeping track of me to notice I'm late, so I don't feel the urgency to HAVE to be on time...then wind up being late.
If I ever have a meeting, or appointment, etc, I am never late. If I have something super important to be on time for like a job interview...I will be so anxious at the thought of being late that I wind up super early. But, getting out of the house to go to a movie or something get to a dinner reservation? Late. Always.
I think I have the issue of not fully understanding how long things take
This is my nature 100%. I used to be chronically late because I would concoct imaginary lengths of time in my head of how long things should take. Getting dressed, hair and makeup? 5 minutes! Or even if I allotted the proper amount of time, I wouldn't allow even a few extra minutes of time for things like running back upstairs to get something, or having to move a car, etc. It's sort of like when someone comes in here with an unrealistic budget that's not based in reality, or when they omit a lot of categories but think it will work out anyway. I'm a lot better at it now, but I had to learn it; it definitely wasn't in my nature.
This is H. I have to walk him through a real timeline every time we get ready to go somewhere. He cannot, in fact, shower and get out the door in 15 mins like he seems to think.