Post by statlerwaldorf on Jun 1, 2012 9:16:09 GMT -5
I just don't understand why you are responsible for an adult with no cognitive delays. That is a much bigger problem than the tattoo. Why not treat her like an adult and force her to grow up? I mean she is an adult. Perhaps an immature one, but still an adult.
To be honest, the tattoo doesn't bother me. I have one. The fact that she hid it from me and is hiding it from my dad bothers me. If she wants to be a big girl, that's fine, just act like one.
My dad and I pay for all her expenses - housing, car, schooling. She is in college. She lives with me rent free since I live in a college town. She works part time and that's her fun money.
I guess I'm just disappointed that she kept it from me. And she's expecting me to keep it from my dad.
Why do you expect her to act like a big girl if you dont treat her like one? She's an immature 19 year old because most 19 year olds are immature and because you expect it of her and have her in that holding pattern. You and your dad are the one's choosing to support her. If you want her to grow up, then let her. Stop treating her like an insolent child.
then let him be disappointed in HER. you seem to be taking this on as your responsibility. it's not. just like it's not your "right" to go around being annoyed that she didn't share it with you. if your annoyance stems from the fact that your parents will try to make YOU answer for it, well, there are plenty of arguments in this post that you can use to defend yourself. and if you're not comfortable being seen as carrying that responsibility on behalf of your parents while she lives there, then she shouldn't live with you. for everyone's sake.
You are right...I'm afraid that my parents are going to make me answer for it. I didn't take care of their "little girl"
I've always been raised to take care of my younger sibling. She's my responsibilty.
So which older sibling failed them when you got your tattoo? Or do your parents take the blame for that one themselves?
And it's really NOT the tattoo that I'm upset about. It's that she has put me in this situation. She needs to be a big girl and tell my parents about her decision.
Post by EmilieMadison on Jun 1, 2012 9:31:34 GMT -5
It's also very telling that the title of the post is that your "baby sis" got a tattoo. She's not a baby. Stop treating her like one. Expect more and she'll either live up to it, or fall on her ass and try again. That's how people grow up. By not letting her grow up, you aren't being responsible FOR her, you are responsible for her lack of growth.
And it's really NOT the tattoo that I'm upset about. It's that she has put me in this situation. She needs to be a big girl and tell my parents about her decision.
Why? Why does she need to tell anyone? YOU put yourself in this situation by claiming responsibility for someone who doesn't need it.
I understand being upset that she's been hiding it from you. I guess the whole, "Fuck me, I have to tell my dad" is what's confusing me. It seems like you're really freaking out about it and that is what I, anyway, don't understand.
Is your dad really anti-tattoo? Is he going to be pissed at you that you "let" her get one?
Yes, my parents are REALLY conservative. He's going to be very dissapointed that she got a tattoo.
She's a legal adult. I feel like I'm tripping here.
And it's really NOT the tattoo that I'm upset about. It's that she has put me in this situation. She needs to be a big girl and tell my parents about her decision.
What the fuck are you talking about? Nobody needs to tell anybody about anything. If you hadn't been nosy and moved her shirt out of the way, you "wouldn't know" either. Here is a helpful list of things parents don't need to know about their adult children. Please print this off and keep it handy for future reference:
- tattoos/piercings -times/locations/positions of sexual activity -number/quality of shits taken per day
You are not her mother. If your dad wants to put rules like "no tattoos or I won't pay for your school", it is between her and him. Other than that, back the fuck out.
And it's really NOT the tattoo that I'm upset about. It's that she has put me in this situation. She needs to be a big girl and tell my parents about her decision.
Stop playing the victime here. She didn't put you in any situation. Her getting a tattoo is none of your business or your dad's. You're an adult, your sister is an adult and it's about time you tell your dad about it. Let him be sad and disappointed. That's his issue.
And it's really NOT the tattoo that I'm upset about. It's that she has put me in this situation. She needs to be a big girl and tell my parents about her decision.
Here is a helpful list of things parents don't need to know about their adult children. Please print this off and keep it handy for future reference:
- tattoos/piercings -times/locations/positions of sexual activity -number/quality of shits taken per day
:Y:
Oh and when I was 18, I got a piercing and hid it from my parents. And they were paying for my college. The horror!
Wow! My first hot topic! I didn't think it was that interesting.
Anyway, thanks for the input. You are right, It's not my problem. I'm just afraid my parents are going to put it on me.
And since she has enough money to get tattoos, she should have enough money to contribute to rent, right?
Have you told her that she needs to contribute to rent or utilities?
No, I never had because she doesn't work very much. Part time, minimum wage for 20-25 hours a week (max). I feel like I'm taking from her. MH and I do very well. But I guess it shouldn't matter, she needs to start being a grown up.
You are right, I am not doing her any favors by babying (sp?) her.
Wait, so it had been previously agreed upon that her rent and utilities were covered, and her money from her part time job was her fun money? And now, because she spent her fun money on something fun, but you don't like it, you want to retroactively change the rules?
The only real issue here is if she's crying poor and not contributing to the household expenses.
I would just cheerfully reply, "Well, seeing as you apparently earn enough to afford a tattoo, then it shouldn't be a problem for you to pay $x rent every month/buy groceries twice a month/pay the cable bill/etc." And then drop the tattoo topic all together after that.
Wait, so it had been previously agreed upon that her rent and utilities were covered, and her money from her part time job was her fun money? And now, because she spent her fun money on something fun, but you don't like it, you want to retroactively change the rules?
JUST FUCKING DROP IT.
Exactly what I was thinking. It is like, you're her mother and your are punishing her for not listening to you or something. WTF?
And it's really NOT the tattoo that I'm upset about. It's that she has put me in this situation. She needs to be a big girl and tell my parents about her decision.
Why does she even need to tell her parents? It is her body. She's an adult and what she does with her body is none of their business. It does not affect them at all.
The only real issue here is if she's crying poor and not contributing to the household expenses.
I would just cheerfully reply, "Well, seeing as you apparently earn enough to afford a tattoo, then it shouldn't be a problem for you to pay $x rent every month/buy groceries twice a month/pay the cable bill/etc." And then drop the tattoo topic all together after that.
The only real issue here is if she's crying poor and not contributing to the household expenses.
I would just cheerfully reply, "Well, seeing as you apparently earn enough to afford a tattoo, then it shouldn't be a problem for you to pay $x rent every month/buy groceries twice a month/pay the cable bill/etc." And then drop the tattoo topic all together after that.
BUT WHY? So if she didn't have a tattoo, it would be perfectly fine for her to live rent free, but now she can't? I'm not understanding this logic here.
Have her pay $50/month. I don't think the amount matters here. And tell your dad, nicely of course, to fuck off regarding your sister. There are so many things wrong with your family dynamic that someone needs to break this cycle.