Weird family problem wwyd?

[JakJak]

DS is having surgery in a couple of weeks, and I have been having an issue with my SIL. We are not close at all, she is very high maintenance/high drama and neither DH nor I really want anything to do with her. Last time DS went through surgery, DH and I kept our parents updated throughout the process but kept a lot of things private and didn't make a big deal out of it. 

Well, random distant relatives began commenting on Facebook about details that we had only shared with our parents. I did a little sleuthing and found out that SIL was giving hourly Facebook statuses with details about DS's condition, the type of surgery, and things such as "Please pray for my little nephew, he's only 1 but he has been through so much in his life. He is in surgery right now and it's scary". Wtf? This isn't open heart surgery, he was in and out and it was relatively easy. I didn't even put anything on my Facebook because I'm not comfortable doing that. 

It infuriates me that my MIL was sharing all of the details with SIL when she knows we don't have any sort of relationship and we made it clear we didn't want to make a big deal out of all of this. I'm disgusted that she was using DS as a sob story and was sharing all of his personal details. MIL will be coming in to help out with the surgery and recovery this time around, but I feel stuck. Anytime I ever try and resolve an issue with SIL things get blown way out of proportion and MIL shuts down and refuses to speak to us. I can't go to SIL because once again, it will become WWIII and I really don't want to cause an issue with MIL since she will be helping me a lot these next couple of months. DH won't get involved because he doesn't want drama. WWYD? Is there anything I can do, or do I just have to ignore it? 

[Dory1988]

I don't really have any advice because I'm terrible at dealing with family stuff like this myself.  I just wanted to say I'm sorry you have to deal with a SIL that is obviously an attention seeker and she's using your son to do it.  That is just very wrong IMO.  I hope things turn out well with everything.

[ilovecandy]

Ignore it and maybe stop telling you MIL so much (obviously you can't do that when she is there) but if she can't respect the fact that you don't like SIL saying that stuff and she is obviously getting it from MIL then just gloss over and say he is doing well when asked. And also are you and H on board with the fact you don't like stuff all over fb cause if he doesn't care for it either then he should be the one to say something to them. However if he truly doesn't care then yeh you gotta deal with it sorry.

[iluvmytxrgr]

I would just ask MIL not to share any information with ANYONE until after the procedure. Just tell her you don't want everyone making a big deal out of it or calling at inconvenient times to check in. You'll update anyone who needs to know after DS is settled.

[JakJak]

Thank you all for the responses, this has really been bothering me and I didn't really know where to turn to for advice. I guess I will just have to start being more firm with MIL, hopefully she will respect my wishes. As far as how DH feels about this whole thing, it bothers him too, but his sister has been really awful to him in the past so I think he's a little gun shy. Family drama is exhausting!

[iluvmytxrgr]

Is she an older sister? Maybe he just needs to stand up to her and screw the drama.

[JakJak]

Feb 6, 2013 19:36:54 GMT -5 iluvmytxrgr said:

Is she an older sister? Maybe he just needs to stand up to her and screw the drama.

Yes she is, and I think after talking about it last night and really letting him know how much it was upsetting me he is motivated to do something. We both hate dealing with family problems so this is a good thing!

[iluvmytxrgr]

That's great. I know a lot of people have issues dealing with overbearing or controlling older siblings. Sometimes, it just takes standing up to them and letting them know you won't take their crap any more for them to step back and see you aren't the little kid that will willingly take their abuse. Wow, that was a long sentence. Good luck!!

[JakJak]

Feb 7, 2013 8:57:15 GMT -5 iluvmytxrgr said:

That's great. I know a lot of people have issues dealing with overbearing or controlling older siblings. Sometimes, it just takes standing up to them and letting them know you won't take their crap any more for them to step back and see you aren't the little kid that will willingly take their abuse. Wow, that was a long sentence. Good luck!!

Thanks Hopefully this is the last time I have to deal with this for a while!

[Deleted]

Just tell her you don't like stuff like that posted on FB. My dad died in Oct of last year. My sister posts an old picture of my dad and random family members on the monthanniversary of his death. We are not close at all and I try and maintain little contact with her after dad passed. I simple texted her to not tag me any more in the photos.

[JakJak]

Feb 7, 2013 10:07:28 GMT -5 @lemonlover33 said:

Just tell her you don't like stuff like that posted on FB. My dad died in Oct of last year. My sister posts an old picture of my dad and random family members on the monthanniversary of his death. We are not close at all and I try and maintain little contact with her after dad passed. I simple texted her to not tag me any more in the photos.

I'm so sorry for your loss. SIL is ridiculous, so even a simple "Hey, please don't post about my son" will be turned into DH and I being the biggest meanies ever and MIL will believe every single word even if I show her the conversation. I'm going to have DH handle her, and I will make it known to MIL that I really don't want her to share any of DS's information this time that it made us uncomfortable, etc. If they continue to do this I really don't know what I'll do

[Deleted]

Yep. Just tell them and they can get all pissy but I'm sure they won't post it on Fb anymore.

[sushi]

Stop sharing information beyond the absolute minimum needed for her to be helpful. And tell your MIL why. If she can't keep her trap shut, she doesn't get to hear about the kiddo.

I'm an older sister, too, but it's really quite easy to respect my little sis' autonomy. I was there when she had her kid (all of a week ago), taking tons of pictures, but I wouldn't have dreamed of sharing any before she got a chance to look through them and post what/when she wanted.