As a side tip; you can freeze milk if you put it into other containers. Just so your MIL doesn't have 9 gallons of spoiled milk on her hands after a while.
Post by amberlyrose on Feb 6, 2013 17:53:51 GMT -5
((hugs)) There is something so different about grieving after a suicide. I think the anger is harder to get through- I couldn't imagine going through it for a parent. I'm so sorry that you guys have to figure this all out I'll keep you in my thoughts.
As a side tip; you can freeze milk if you put it into other containers. Just so your MIL doesn't have 9 gallons of spoiled milk on her hands after a while.
Really? I was telling H yesterday that we should try freezing them and he thought I was out of my mind. Hmph!
Nope you can. They say it wont be as good if you try to use it to drink but as long as it is mixed in with something it will be fine.
Glad to hear you're doing okay. I wouldn't push your H. At this point I am sure just getting through the day is tiring. I went back to work about a week after the funeral. It was good for me, but your H will know when he's ready.
Ask him to search for his company's FMLA policy and see if they have a stress-related leave, or something of that nature. Also, it would be a good idea for him to get some counseling. He's got a lot of complicated circumstances to work through and must have a lot of conflicting emotions.
Mekia- You should see if your see if there is a grief share group in your area you both could attend. They could really help process all of the emotions you are both feeling and to work thru them. Also seeing a therapist individually is a good idea as well. You should research to see if there is any coverage through your state like FMLA or protection for your husband's job while he works thru this. He will probably need to be seen by a doctor or psychiatrist to get the paperwork rolling so you should research this ASAP. Good luck and lots and lots of hugs. ((Mekia))
I think it's completely understandable for your H to not want to go back to work right after the funeral.
I took a week off after my dad's funeral and just hung out with my mom and brother at my parents' house, and it was really good for all of us. It does get easier after the funeral, but also harder, because at least for me, everything was so hectic and crazy in the days leading up to and the day of the funeral, that things didn't really sink in until AFTER everyone had left and it was just the three of us. It was kind of like mourning the loss all over again.
He is so lucky to have you there to support him and I am glad that you were able to go back to work and get back to "normal".
dcannie, thanks for sharing that. I'm just starting to worry a bit because H only gets a few days of PTO a year. Is there something he can do if he needs to extend his leave?
And he seems to do well when he's around people and doing things. I see happiness in his eyes, but i know he will always be hurting. When he is alone, he breaks down a lot. I just don't know how much is "okay" and what is the best way for him to deal with this.
He says it still doesn't feel real.
I think that is 100% normal. It's been 4 years since my dad died, and sometimes it still doesn't feel like he's gone. The first few times we went back to my mom's house after he died felt so surreal, like he was just on a golf trip or something. I think it's completely normal that this doesn't feel like reality yet.
I agree that counseling could be very helpful, especially since the way your FIL died is so very traumatic.
Post by BaileyAyres on Feb 6, 2013 18:55:26 GMT -5
I usually lurk, but wanted to say that you and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers.
It is completely normal for your husband to feel like this "doesn't feel real". My dad passed away suddenly last year. Although the circumstances are completely different, and year later, I still often feel like it's not real. It's really hard to wrap your brain around how someone can be here one minute and not the next. Give him time. There is no timetable on grief, and everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. You have been an amazing support to him, and in time the pain will ease. My thoughts and prayers will continue to be with you all!!
I'm glad to hear you're doing okay. Anger is an absolutely normal feeling (as is sadness, alone-ness, bitterness, and whatever else you all may be feeling.) I've been thinking about you and your family. Big hugs to you!
I've been thinking of you and your family. I lost my mom 4.5 years ago under different circumstances, and it still seems like a dream at times. It does take a while to get used to the new reality, and that's perfectly fine and normal. I wish you all the strength you need. <creepy newb/lurker hugs>