Ugh, poor DD1

[WOT?*]

<object style="position: absolute; z-index: 1000;" id="plugin0" width="1" type="application/x-dgnria" height="1"><param name="tabId" value="{9E648F96-813D-424C-BA24-9B9B4FAC7BB9}"></object>Her wedding is on Saturday in a hick Navy town surrounded by small somewhat but not really touristy towns but more "gateway" towns.  She had two weeks to plan this thing, poor girl, between when she and her fiance decided to get married and when they're throwing a little shindig to exchange vows.  He just got back from the Middle East in December then they flew out to his sister's and then Vegas.  We figured for sure they'd come back from Vegas hitched but they hadn't yet discussed the topic.

She wanted a little ceremony at an inn in the town where they lived.  Fine, it was all arranged.  However, she couldn't check out the venue until this past Monday (two days ago) and it turns out the inn is remodeling their restaurant so they've set the restaurant up in the banquet rooms for the interim.  They'd intended on DD using a corner of the room for her wedding while still having it set up and in use as a restaurant.  So...no, she doesn't want that.

So for now the plan is for them to use a room at the *bowling alley* because "hey, it's just a party and we were going to just have a few people gtg and have some fun so this is what we're doing because I'm going crazy and everybody's driving me nuts and there are no places and this little thing is just costing more and more money.  We're having the big shindig when we get back from Japan.  I just wanted to fly back out to Vegas and get it done."  But she's upset because she has her pretty white dress and her pretty purple heels and...a room at the bowling alley.

I'm frantically internetting to see if I can find something we can pay for so she quits worrying about asking us for stuff and doing it on their own.  I figure it's better to rent a B&B and have it there so she can have her pretty princess day at least somewhat.  I found something that looks promising at an old fort that's converted officer housing to rental houses.  We can rent one for the weekend and it has an event center that we can hire for $300 for the weekend if we need additional room.  :fingers crossed she goes for it.

[SKP82]

You're a good mom. That's very thoughtful.

What do you mean by "big shindig when we get back from Japan?"

[ralphlauren]

You are a great mom.

[Deleted]

She can be a pretty princess in Vegas with people there too. Or Lake Tahoe is a nice choice.

[WOT?*]

Her fiance is a Navy pilot. He was in the Middle East through December, they'd discussed the deployment as "the big test to see whether it would work" because Navy life consists of deployments and military crap and lifestyles. While he was deployed he got new orders for transfer to Japan; he leaves his squadron here on Valentine's day and has to be in Japan in March. They'll be there two years (or at least he will; she has to get approved and get paperwork through for her to be able to take her son out of the country but his dad hasn't been answering his phone, the worthless shit.) She wants to throw the big party when they get back from this latest assignment. The problem is that I don't know that it will happen. The "important" people are already going to be here for this one. DH and I were supposed to do the big shindig later routine and it just never developed. I'd hate for her to have regrets if she doesn't get her pretty princess day to go with her pretty princess dress.

[WOT?*]

If it works out to just being a room at the bowling alley, you can bet your ass that I'm flowering and draping that shit up so it at least looks chapel-like and as princessy as we can get it.

[SKP82]

Yeah, I understand the situation, and I think she should get what she wants in a wedding now. Of course there will have to be sacrifices because it is happening so soon. Do you know what the BIG things are for her? What's the most important stuff? You can focus on that.

To be completely honest, a lot of people side-eye a reception a few months after, and probably more so a full blown "wedding" two years after the actual wedding.

I think you are smart for realizing it may not happen for her in two years and trying to make it special for her NOW.

ETA:  I feel like I'm not saying what I want to very well.  Can you help her realize that the wedding that is happening soon is going to be her only "real" wedding and help her to realize that she needs to cherish that, even if it's not 100% "perfect?"

[WOT?*]

SKP, you're saying it perfectly well because that's exactly what I'm thinking. Fortunately, she's focusing on getting married rather than actually having the cermony. "Marriage not the wedding" but she's gotten a pretty tea-length dress anticipating a wedding in a particular type of venue. She was going to do the wedding and dinner and then go out and have fun (at the bowling alley, no less. It was where they had their first date and the owner is a good friend.) As long as she has the fun (and me and her dad and his mom and him and her son and the few friends that are coming) she'll be fine but she does want to wear the pretty pouffy strapless white wedding dress and the fun purple shoes. She basically just wants it over now; she's reached "I'm over it" with the planning but that's because she has to wrap it all up and put a big bow on it in just two weeks. I don't want there to be regrets over the venue. She'll laugh over it because she's frighteningly like me and would totally be "yeah, we got married in a bowling alley" (and I've already started the Waffle House jokes). Her words to me this afternoon were "now, don't start laughing hysterically, but we have a new venue" and proceeded to tell me the story. In the telling she was bemoaning the fact that she'll be overdressed in her pretty pouffy princess skirt. I want her to have room that would make her happy to be wearing the dress before she goes to ruin it at the bowling alley.
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[SKP82]

*shew* I didn't want to offend you at all, so I'm glad you got what I was saying.

Have you had any luck finding something else? A park? A bed and breakfast? Did you look on TK at the local boards?

I don't know where you are/she is, but you could look on VRBO.com to see if you can find a nice property that would allow you to host the ceremony and a dinner and you can all go bowling afterward?

ETA:  Or they can pretend like they're crazy hipsters with her in her awesome wedding dress in a bowling alley in their pictures. 

[CheshireGrin]

What is she doing for pictures? If you can't find a different venue, maybe you could arrange for some nice photo ops ahead of time, to help her take advantage of that pretty dress?

[WOT?*]

A friend of hers was going to do photos in the gardens at the venue she *was* going to use but after doing pre-ceremony photos she was going to go photoless. I was going to bring my camera and set it up for photos of at least the exchange of vows and venue. Nothing professional has been arranged and she doesn't care about the photos beyond having a few. I was going to do a photobook for her at the very least.

[SKP82]

Maybe a bowling alley isn't what she expected, but maybe these will help her embrace it.

[WOT?*]

I was looking at this place. It's a little over-the-top cutesy but we'd be able to rent a freestanding house and it could work with garland on the stairs and fresh flowers throughout. There is also an event room that can be hired for $200-300 if we wanted and if it was available. I'm going to call them tomorrow after I talk with DD to see if she's up for another change of venue.

www.fortcaseyinn.com/about.html

If we did that, we'd have to consider food. I was also going to call these guys to see if we can get food from them or have dinner there. They have good food (she's not a foodie and hasn't eaten here but I like good food even if I'm not at Miso levels here.)

www.christophersonwhidbey.com/Christophers_on_Whidbey/Home.html

[SKP82]

Feb 7, 2013 2:54:46 GMT -5 WOT?* said:

A friend of hers was going to do photos in the gardens at the venue she *was* going to use but after doing pre-ceremony photos she was going to go photoless. I was going to bring my camera and set it up for photos of at least the exchange of vows and venue. Nothing professional has been arranged and she doesn't care about the photos beyond having a few. I was going to do a photobook for her at the very least.

Photos might not be on her priority list right now because she has so much else to think about.  Also, it would be a large expense.  If you can arrange something for this, I think it would be HUGE, especially if she doesn't have another "shindig" in 2 years.

[SKP82]

Feb 7, 2013 2:58:33 GMT -5 WOT?* said:

I was looking at this place. It's a little over-the-top cutesy but we'd be able to rent a freestanding house and it could work with garland on the stairs and fresh flowers throughout. There is also an event room that can be hired for $200-300 if we wanted and if it was available. I'm going to call them tomorrow after I talk with DD to see if she's up for another change of venue.

www.fortcaseyinn.com/about.html

If we did that, we'd have to consider food. I was also going to call these guys to see if we can get food from them or have dinner there. They have good food (she's not a foodie and hasn't eaten here but I like good food even if I'm not at Miso levels here.)

www.christophersonwhidbey.com/Christophers_on_Whidbey/Home.html

Personally, I would do the legwork before speaking to her so I knew if it were available and the costs.  No sense in talking to her about it and getting her hopes up if it's already booked.

Are you able/willing to pay for an alternative?  If you are, I would let her know that.  She may have something else in mind that she'd like, but isn't considering it because it's not in their budget. 

[WOT?*]

SKP, I love those bowling alley photos. That's the direction I'd be going for photos. She's offbeat enough to get away with it.

[SKP82]

Feb 7, 2013 3:30:10 GMT -5 WOT?* said:

SKP, I love those bowling alley photos. That's the direction I'd be going for photos. She's offbeat enough to get away with it.

That is awesome. 

She can still be a beautiful bride in her girly dress in a bowling alley.  The location does not negate the awesomeness of her wedding!

[WOT?*]

They were planning on paying for the food no matter (but I was planning on beating him to the bill. We've gotten to the point where it's a game to see who gets the bill first. He's a gentleman and I have a helluvalot more discretionary income so we battle it out.)

The venue is only $300 for the event center if it's available. If not, we could still do the house. I was planning on paying for the bridal suite at the hotel so she could get ready onsite but now they're not doing the hotel. They're going to get a place somewhere but haven't decided where that somewhere might be. They only have Saturday because he has to get back to work on Monday and she has to get her son to school. I figured if they wanted to go this route we'd pay for the house and they could stay there overnight or Friday/Saturday so we could decorate it up Saturday morning. I don't know if the place is big enough to provide seating for everybody which is why I was looking at the hall as well.

[WOT?*]

I'd still do the bowling alley photos. See if she can get in there with her dress before they open for the evening so she could have an hour or so of just camera time without interruption.  And they have cosmic bowling.  Imagine the fun with strobe and colored lights. 

No matter how it works, it'll be an awesome wedding. She's marrying a great guy and she's a pretty good kid herself. We'll make it awesome.
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[SKP82]

Feb 7, 2013 3:37:12 GMT -5 WOT?* said:

I'd still do the bowling alley photos. See if she can get in there with her dress before they open for the evening so she could have an hour or so of just camera time without interruption.

No matter how it works, it'll be an awesome wedding. She's marrying a great guy and she's a pretty good kid herself. We'll make it awesome.

Yes.  THIS is what matters the most! 

[SKP82]

Feb 7, 2013 3:35:24 GMT -5 WOT?* said:

They were planning on paying for the food no matter (but I was planning on beating him to the bill. We've gotten to the point where it's a game to see who gets the bill first. He's a gentleman and I have a helluvalot more discretionary income so we battle it out.)

The venue is only $300 for the event center if it's available. If not, we could still do the house. I was planning on paying for the bridal suite at the hotel so she could get ready onsite but now they're not doing the hotel. They're going to get a place somewhere but haven't decided where that somewhere might be. They only have Saturday because he has to get back to work on Monday and she has to get her son to school. I figured if they wanted to go this route we'd pay for the house and they could stay there overnight or Friday/Saturday so we could decorate it up Saturday morning. I don't know if the place is big enough to provide seating for everybody which is why I was looking at the hall as well.

I think it might be helpful to her if you tell her, "we are going to contribute $xxx to the wedding."

I say this because we were planning on paying for our entire wedding.  We budgeted for the rehearsal dinner, but then the ILs paid for it.  We were very grateful that they did that, but we also felt bad because we weren't expecting it.  Then MIL gave my H a wad of cash for "expenses" before the wedding.  Honestly, it was very awkward.

[WOT?*]

I keep asking how much and what she needs. DH and I hadn't decided on how much we're giving her. To quote him "Not $5000, don't go crazy. Remember, it's her wedding and not yours." but beyond that I pretty much have free rein.  Flowers, food, whatever.  I'm buying the stuff she needs that I can get from Amazon but it's a drop in the bucket. Since I'm down here and she's two hours north I can't just hop up and venue-shop with her and take her to get a pedi or something like I normally would if I didn't have the grands living here and having to go to school and all that responsible stuff. We were going to give them a chunk for a wedding present that they could use as they see fit. I've told her several times that we'll help out and she knows that we're generous with our "help" when it comes down to it. She's the daughter who won't go overboard on her expectations and doesn't want to seem needy though. And he's pretty darn independendent. They've both been singing the "we've got it" song any time I bring the subject up. You may got it guys but a little help here and there doesn't hurt.
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[WOT?*]

Thanks for your help and cheerleading SKP.