I don't like sympathy cards

[julez]

I missed something, but oh my. I'm really sorry.

[hisno1girl]

((Mekia))

You are not being stupid. When my FIL died, we got sympathy cards but DH didn't look at them for a long time. I opened them and responded to the senders but DH couldn't do it.

I can't understand your pain but I do understand why you ask "why". I'd do the exact same thing and I'd be mad as hell about it.

I've often thought of you & I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain.

[Jalapeñomel]

Ugh, I have no idea how that would feel. (((hugs)))

[SKP82]

I'm so sorry Mekia. I think it's natural for you to ask "why" and feel angry. It's a part of the grieving process.

I think it's okay to not show your H that card right now if you feel it will upset him.

*hugs*

[shostakovich]

That's a really in-depth sympathy card, and it seems kind of redundant. It's not like you don't know these things, why do they have to be spelled out in card? You are not being stupid.

I'm so sorry, mekia. Maybe just set the cards aside for a little while, and get to them when you guys feel ready?

[julez]

Oh, no. I'm really, really sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family. Sending you good thoughts and a hug.

[SKP82]

I also agree that the card is over-the-top. I think, "I'm sorry for your loss" would have sufficed. Sometimes simple is better.

[lucky513]

I didn't like them either
they are still in my car and I suck and didn't respond to them either

[Wrath0fKuus]

Well, you know, he didn't exactly go out on a high note. People don't know what to say to comfort any of you. They don't know if you feel the loss, if you're pissed at him for the molestation and suicide, just pissed about the suicide, or anything. This isn't your normal death. People know it's hard on you, and they want to comfort you, but have no idea what to say.

[SKP82]

Feb 8, 2013 17:15:46 GMT -5 mekiakoo said:

And I'm confused, are we actually supposed to respond to the cards? What do you mean? Send them a thank you card?

I was confused by that, too.

[Wrath0fKuus]

I don't think you're supposed to respond to the cards. I think you're just supposed to take it as, anyone who sent you a card is here for you if you want to talk or whatever.

[Wrath0fKuus]

It ALL hurts.

I lost someone close to me to suicide a few weeks ago, too. And no one seems to know what to say to me, either.

[Jalapeñomel]

No response to those cards are needed. You shouldn't be doing anything right now but grieving and trying to find peace.

[emsumm]

When people send cards, they are being thoughtful. They want you to know they care about you. I wouldn't read any deeper into it. It is really a very sweet gesture, so if it's too much for you to handle, I'd just put them aside and make a mental note of who sent it.

[Norticprincess]

I know I'm not a regular on this board. There are so many things I want to say, I know everyone deals with things in their own way. I don't want them to be taken the wrong way. I wish I could give you a magic formula to make it better, but I still haven't figured that out for myself, it will be four years in March.  There is a box at my parents' house that sits unopened, it is home to the cards we could read, and the ones that were never opened because it was too much.

[amberlyrose]

((mekia)) I just want to give you a big hug and warm, fresh cookies.

After 8 years, I still don't know what could've been said to me when BF killed himself. There is a different grief that comes with suicide that I don't think anyone can truly get over.
Yesterday (the anniversary) was the first time I wasn't filled with anger about it. It has taken me a long time to get to this point.
Be angry. Be mad at him. Be mad at the world. Don't feel guilty when you feel happiness coming back.
Don't feel guilty about any feelings you are having right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss and what you guys have to go through right now.

[Deleted]

PPs can respond if I'm wrong but perhaps by responding they mean writing a thank you note to anyone who made a donation to a charity in your FIL's name. The charity will send you a card that says so-and-so made a donation in memory of Father I. Law. In that case you should write the donor a thank you note once you feel up to it. I'm sorry for your loss.

[juliagoulia]

I'm so sorry, Mekia. That card is really... A lot.

I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your H and your family. I'm sure everyone reaching out to you just wants so badly to do whatever they can to help relieve some of this pain from you all... Sometimes it just doesn't come out right. I've been thinking of you all & will continue to do so.

[adhdfashion]

This is why I only send baked goodies and flowers. Even the flowers can be iffy.

[Deleted]

(hugs)

I have received 3 identical cards in the past 2 days. While they say the typical nice things, the fact that it's them exact same card makes it seem so trite.

Though it may not seem like it, there are many of us who know what you are going through. Suicide is often if not ever talked about. I lost my long term boyfriend to suicide over 10 years ago. It was, until last week, the worst thing to happen to me.

In regard to the "why's" I know exactly how that is haunting you. It haunted me for a very long time until I read a book that said to not push the why's away. Ask why, ask it million times a day. You will never get an answer, but someday you will get tired of asking it.

I have been thinking of you a lot lately, if you need a friend in grieving I am more than willing to listen to your numb, unorganized thoughts. I have them too. Take care of yourself.

[pantsparty]

I'm sorry, mekia. I think people do not know what to say. I know what you mean about, "He's looking over you," or "Heaven got another angel." Fuck you, I'd much rather have my brother here. But, I think people mean well and are trying to be comforting. They just don't know how.