Appearance and attraction ... How much is shallow?

[doriswe]

We all have things we're attracted to....if we all liked the same shit, what a boring world we'd live in!! Maybe he'll learn to get past his own shit and be cool with you for you....if not, he sucks and can get bent!

[doriswe]

lol...he should be all "fuck blondes....MP, you're the shit!!!"

[jojoandleo]

I'm with you i go from:



To:

[wrathofkuus]

Truthfully, I think he only THINKS it's your looks, because you look good on paper, but in reality there's just no chemistry on his end. If there were, he'd give it a surprised "huh" that you're not his usual type and just shrug and keep dating you.

[bullygirl979]

I don't know...we all have types that we are attracted to. I think you are shallow if you don't allow yourself to be open to dating someone that you may be attracted to because they don't fit your mold.

MS is not my type. Hell, after our first date I remember emailing Doris and saying so and saying that I didn't think he was super cute. But his personality was so attractive that soon I didn't care that he wasn't my "type".

[wrathofkuus]

Before? That's weird and a little crazy. Now I think the guy doesn't feel chemistry with you and is also a little nuts.

[Deleted]

I vote that its normal when I do it to guys, and its shallow when they do it to me.

[Deleted]

I have a type but personality will trump that every time.

[hazel]

Personality is very important to me. If I'm a bit attracted to a guy and they have an awesome personality, then I become super attracted to him. If a really attractive guy has a crappy personality, then I don't really find the appeal of them anymore. But I still have to be physically attracted to a guy some how.

Maybe the appearance is more important to men though? I don't know.

[Deleted]

I don't know, I have a type (gingers who are pasty white), but have known to be attracted to other guys who have dark hair or who are blondes if I am attracted to their personality.

[Deleted]

I think it's shallow when personality can't overcome preference or if you don't give it a try because of your preference.

[Deleted]

Feb 9, 2013 22:06:11 GMT -5 doglove said:

I don't know, I have a type (gingers who are pasty white), but have known to be attracted to other guys who have dark hair or who are blondes if I am attracted to their personality.

My XH is Korean. My current guy is a ginger. I usually go for brunette/dark complexion. Do I think current guy is hot and sexy? Not just staring at him but his personality/what he does turns me on.

[Deleted]

Feb 9, 2013 19:56:08 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Truthfully, I think he only THINKS it's your looks, because you look good on paper, but in reality there's just no chemistry on his end. If there were, he'd give it a surprised "huh" that you're not his usual type and just shrug and keep dating you.

I think only a shallow jackass would tell you it was your looks instead of a lack of chemistry or making up some other excuse other than blaming it pretty much on the way you were born.

[wrathofkuus]

True. I thought he might just be kind of stupid.

[kaneen]

Feb 9, 2013 19:56:08 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Truthfully, I think he only THINKS it's your looks, because you look good on paper, but in reality there's just no chemistry on his end. If there were, he'd give it a surprised "huh" that you're not his usual type and just shrug and keep dating you.

This.

[bowies]

Generally, I think people can have a type. I think if the type is broad-based (I.e., I prefer my men to be taller than me), then it's fine. It's when the type is so narrowly focused that I think it gets unhealthy and immature. You're looking more for an object than a person. There are some skeevy people out there that cannot emotionally connect on a human level and so they focus on fetishizing a segment of the population because it appeals to them in some nonthreatening way.

In this specific case, I can't tell where he falls on that spectrum. But I can say he's socially inept and an outright dick to say that to you. If he's not attracted to you, a simple "I'm not feeling it" would suffice.

[prettyinpearls]

Just because you're thin, petite and cute/stylish that doesn't mean every guy is going to be attracted to you. He may of had an ass backwards way of telling you this, but it doesn't make his preferences any more shallow than it does yours.

Like Bowies said, having preferences doesn't mean they're shallow unless they're so narrow minded it's ridiculous.

[winning]

I don't think having a type makes you shallow.

This guy sounds kind of bizarre, though.

[wrathofkuus]

I can honestly say that if I don't find someone at least reasonably physically appealing initially, no matter what the personality, it isn't going to happen for me. He might end up being a great friend, but that zing just isn 't there.

I have never, ever, ever been attracted to a guy who is tall and big-boned (like a rugby player physique). I've met terrific people who looked like this, but I've never wanted to have sex with one of them.

[achase123]

Feb 9, 2013 19:56:08 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Truthfully, I think he only THINKS it's your looks, because you look good on paper, but in reality there's just no chemistry on his end. If there were, he'd give it a surprised "huh" that you're not his usual type and just shrug and keep dating you.

This.  I thought I had a "type" in the past-usually a buff, weightlifter type.  In hindsight, though I have dated some of those types, once the initial physical wore off I had no emotional attraction so it fizzled.  And there's been plenty who fit into my "type" but something was so lacking in teh chemistry department that it never went anywhere.  I think it's a lack of chemistry on his part but he's trying to justify it by saying you aren't his type, physically.  And it makes me angry for you that he's even saying all of this to you.

[Deleted]

I think people can have types, but at the end of the day it comes down to chemistry and I know I've been surprised by people I've had chemistry with. I think that's what he's trying to say, but can't articulate how he can maybe connect with you emotionally or "on paper" but isn't feeling chemistry. I think he's trying to understand it himself and is assuming it's because you're not his type. Even if you got tan and blonde the chemistry still wouldn't be there.

He's super rude for saying these things to you thought. Seriously. Not cool.

[jojoandleo]

Imma just drop some grammar knowledge- it's should HAVE could HAVE may HAVE. People think it is "of" because we are lazy Americans who say could've should've etc. It's not of. Sorry- HUGE pet peeve.

Also I am majorly side eyeing anyone who thinks MP is saying she is thin and everyone should like her. She was describing how she looks versus what he wants. If it pissed you off- that shows you're insecurity. I'm drinking too, so...

[Deleted]

Personally I don't have a type. I don't think so. I am attracted to guys with blond, dark, red... hair. But if there's no chemistry, I can't force it. I could totally be turned on by a tall blond guy with a 6 pack and be totally turned off by the exact same features on another guy. It's just a million little things that do the chemistry or not.

[stephreloaded]

Feb 10, 2013 16:22:07 GMT -5 @landobiscuit said:

Personally I don't have a type. I don't think so. I am attracted to guys with blond, dark, red... hair. But if there's no chemistry, I can't force it. I could totally be turned on by a tall blond guy with a 6 pack and be totally turned off by the exact same features on another guy. It's just a million little things that do the chemistry or not.

I dont have a type either. Well I do feel a little more attracted to a certain look but I have only dated one guy that was "my type." I really dont care and I have dated blonds, brunettes, Hispanic (duh), Asian and black. I have dated guys that wouldn't be considered hot or good looking but if I feel chemistry, I really dont care. 

[Deleted]

Feb 10, 2013 15:48:20 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Imma just drop some grammar knowledge- it's should HAVE could HAVE may HAVE. People think it is "of" because we are lazy Americans who say could've should've etc. It's not of. Sorry- HUGE pet peeve.

Oh god. I totally do this don't I? Now I'm all paranoid about my atrocious grammar, especially because I totally judge people with bad grammar. 

[jojoandleo]

Feb 10, 2013 21:02:03 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Feb 10, 2013 15:48:20 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Imma just drop some grammar knowledge- it's should HAVE could HAVE may HAVE. People think it is "of" because we are lazy Americans who say could've should've etc. It's not of. Sorry- HUGE pet peeve.

Oh god. I totally do this don't I? Now I'm all paranoid about my atrocious grammar, especially because I totally judge people with bad grammar. 

HA!  I don't know.  I don't pay attention to WHO does it, but I read it and have in internal record screech.  You know how some people can't stand the wrong your/you're, etc.?  This is mine.  "Would of" makes me die a little inside. 

[doriswe]

Hey jojo, how do you feel about "woulda/coulda/shoulda"??

[jojoandleo]

Feb 10, 2013 21:08:23 GMT -5 doriswe said:

Hey jojo, how do you feel about "woulda/coulda/shoulda"??

no problem.  It's the misunderstanding that "would've" is a contraction for WOULD HAVE and it is not WOULD OF.  No idea why.  It just makes me all:

[winecat]

I wonder about this. I have a type that I do like more than others, but I don't think that those types of guys are usually attracted to what I look like (especially now.) I have definitely found guys outside that type who I've been very attracted to based on some random feature or personality trait(s) that really melt my butter.

[jade28]

I don't have a type. I have dated all sorts of guys with all sorts of different looks and styles. Some were hot, some were average. I suppose I am initially attracted to the hipster type guy first (like if I had to pick a guy out of a room). Kind of the nerdy, glasses look attracts me for whatever reason. But it's just a style I like and has no affect on how much I actually like someone.



Guys I click with, guys who are funny and sweet and artsy, I am probably going to find attractive because I like those traits and they translate to someone looking good to me.



I think guys tend to be more picky looks wise.