Sigh... the more I think about this, the angrier I get. I was laying in bed last night thinking, "How dare she, a girlfriend of only a few months, think she can dictate that I, the freaking mother, don't need to know where my child is." And how dare he think that I don't have a right to such information if his gf says I don't! If it were just an occasional thing, I would be fine with it, but ALL of his visits are at her house. All of them. So I never know the address at which he can be found in an emergency.
I called my mom and vented and she thinks it is ridiculous, but asked me to consider if there really could be a circumstance in which I would need to know the address. I said that if something happened to my ex and she is watching him, I would have no way of reaching her. Or, if she was watching him and they just decided to ignore my phone calls and keep him, I would have no idea of how to find him. She said that is very unlikely. I spoke with a family attorney today, too, and she said that while there is a good chance that a judge would grant my wish of a modification, that it could also set off a contentious parenting relationship and I needed to really consider whether I wanted that.
My mom advised that I simply email my ex and tell him that I was told by a lawyer that this was something a judge would likely grant me, but that I was going to hold off. But to inform him that this would not be acceptable long-term and that I have a right to know where my child is when he visits. This would help start a documentation in case he is uncooperative in the future.
You know what my issue is with this. Once you start mentioning that you contacted a lawyer, its pretty much telling him that you are thinking on seeking legal help to address this issue but if you tell him this and you don't follow through and take him to court, he will take it as a sign that he can do whatever he wants and you wont to anything about it. I bet he will love that.
My advice would be, don't mention lawyers unless you are willing to go all the way and take this matter to court.
Not a parent, and I might be crazy, but I don't think I'd be ok with my child being somewhere that I couldn't even access him/her. What if there was an emergency and someone needed to get your son? What if something happened to you and a family member needed to find him? What if something happened to your ex or his GF and you needed to get the house? I don't know, maybe I'm paranoid, but I would want to know where my child was at all times, at least where he's staying (I understand it's not reasonable to know exactly where he is 100% of every single day).
The thing that disgusts me the most is that "child" must be modified by "adopted" in every instance it's used. And the implication that this child was not very much wanted by one of his parents? What a terrible thing to share on the internet, regardless of whatever truths you think you understand after 1.5 years of knowing this man. Why would anyone possibly care about the things written about OP (seriously, some of your hang ups are youthful promiscuity and failed business ventures?) given the toxic picture you've painted of yourself, realitypolice? There's certainly one fucked up person here...
Well realitypolice, if your goal was to convince a wide swath of people that you are completely batshit crazy then congrats. You have succeeded. BTW, how did you expect this to go for you?
Do me next! I assume since you've found EVERYTHING about your man's exwife, you've got a lot of time on your hands now. Like, to join boards in the middle of the night and go on incoherent rants...
realitypolice The best part about this entire thing is that OP was saying she generally thinks you are okay but is bothered by the fact that her child is staying at your house and she doesn't know where you live. ANY PARENT would be bothered by this.
realitypolice The best part about this entire thing is that OP was saying she generally thinks you are okay but is bothered by the fact that her child is staying at your house and she doesn't know where you live. ANY PARENT would be bothered by this.
:Y: When you decide to date a man with children, you give up certain rights to privacy... like having the mother of those children know where they are staying.
That said, I encourage you to continue the talk about who looks crazy in this exchange.
I hope that OP saved it or that you can get to it. It might be helpful to her if this crazy becomes an even bigger problem and OP needs to modify visitation because of it. Do you have access to and are you able to give her an IP address of the poster as well? Or at least save that info if it's needed in the future?
I've lurked on this board forever since I went through my divorce years ago. I saw that crazy post last night and even though I have no idea who that person- it was the creepiest thing I've ever seen!
Another lurker here - just wanted to say, there's no way in hell I would allow whoever posted that around my child. I'm glad mods kept a copy, and I hope that OP shows it to both her ex and a lawyer. That's some creepy ass psycho stalker material right there.