IS this weird? UPDATE

[riverpestie]

I definitely think that's strange. Why would he laugh about it?

How old is your son? Does he talk about her at all?

[oliviadelta]

Feb 11, 2013 14:33:10 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

I'm sure he's played the "crazy XW" card with the GF...Either that or he's making it up just to needle at you.

Agreed. I wouldn't even give him the enjoyment of letting it know it bothers you!

[kaneen]

Weird isn't really the word I'd use for it.  I'd go with immature.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2013 14:36:32 GMT -5 kaneen said:

Weird isn't really the word I'd use for it.  I'd go with immature.

This.

[jm5855]

Feb 11, 2013 14:42:09 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Yeah, I was a little irritated by it, but whatever. I was a little pissed when I left, but I sent him a text later saying that if she didn't want to meet me that I'd live with that. I told him that our son seems to like her and that's what's important. But that I thought it was strange to not be open to allowing a parent to meet another person spending so much time with their child. For the record, he demanded to meet Sam and I complied within a week.

Wait, he demanded that he meet Sam but you are not allowed to meet this gf that spends a lot of time around your son?

I can understand not wanting to be confrontational, but don't let this clown walk over you like this.

[starryfish]

Feb 11, 2013 14:47:31 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

Feb 11, 2013 14:42:09 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Yeah, I was a little irritated by it, but whatever. I was a little pissed when I left, but I sent him a text later saying that if she didn't want to meet me that I'd live with that. I told him that our son seems to like her and that's what's important. But that I thought it was strange to not be open to allowing a parent to meet another person spending so much time with their child. For the record, he demanded to meet Sam and I complied within a week.

Wait, he demanded that he meet Sam but you are not allowed to meet this gf that spends a lot of time around your son?

I can understand not wanting to be confrontational, but don't let this clown walk over you like this.

+1

[starryfish]

Feb 11, 2013 15:11:45 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Feb 11, 2013 15:08:55 GMT -5 starryfish said:

+1

So what do I do?? Fighting with him over it won't work. I know this about him. Making demands won't work. The only thing that might work is taking him to court and I don't really see that as something that will work in my favor. It might just really make me look like the crazy ex-wife.

I know others have this in the custody agreement, that one person has the right to meet the other person's SO...do you have anything like that?

I would demand that you do the pickup/dropoff at her house...at the minimum she doesnt have to come out and talk to you, but your Ex can come out with the kid.

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2013 15:08:55 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Feb 11, 2013 14:47:31 GMT -5 jm5855 said:

Wait, he demanded that he meet Sam but you are not allowed to meet this gf that spends a lot of time around your son?

I can understand not wanting to be confrontational, but don't let this clown walk over you like this.

+1

sf - are you on google plus? I love you for +1'ing. 

[starryfish]

Feb 11, 2013 15:15:28 GMT -5 doglove said:

Feb 11, 2013 15:08:55 GMT -5 starryfish said:

+1

sf - are you on google plus? I love you for +1'ing. 

I am! but I learned the "+1" from the boards here

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2013 15:16:49 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Feb 11, 2013 15:15:28 GMT -5 doglove said:

sf - are you on google plus? I love you for +1'ing. 

I am! but I learned the "+1" from the boards here

Oh haha!

[turtle1120]

I agree that it's immature, but it's also odd. I mean it's ok for your son to spend the weekend there, but you can't even pick him up from the place where he's staying? I'm not even saying you'd have to go in, but do you even have her address? Or is that being kept a secret from you? If it's a secret that part seems really odd and off.

[Deleted]

God, this sounds like dickinabag to a T. He always has to be right and proper and self righteous but since I don't want to deal with him any more than usual, I bitch to mr man about it and move it along.

So I'm with you. He's an ass. She's a nutter. But the kid is happy so I wouldn't wade in.

[Deleted]

It IS a power play, btw. That's exactly why I don't engage in it. It just irks the piss out of me because I try to stay out unless it's important and when it is important, he acts like I'm a raging bitch making yet another unreasonable demand on his person.

Look, fucker, I just wanna know where my kid is sleeping every night.

GAH!

I'm having flashbacks. Forgive me.

[formerlyak]

My ex used to not let me come up to his apartment when I'd drop ds off for his visitation because of his new gf. So I'd drive over there, call him, and he'd come down and get ds out of the car. It was so stupid. He eventually told me he didn't want me eying his stuff and judging his new apartment (mind you, I helped him find said apartment when he moved out). I told him I couldn't care less what was in his new apartment unless it could potentially harm my ds. Maybe there's some of that going on?

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2013 15:38:18 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Haha! Oh, I feel you! I somehow feel like the next 13 years having to deal with him as the other parent is going to bring a lot of anger my way. I am not going to fight. All I hope is that he gets married and knocks this girl up so he can have another distraction. I want him to be involved, but his two days out of every 14 is all I want to deal with him from now on.

I wish that ended it. Now I have this chick in my inbox I've seen a handful of times acting like she's on the same level as my husband who has been raising my daughter for the last six years.

[imoan]

I'd bet good money (given your ex's history) that this is more about him than it is about her. Either he's filling her head with crazy shit because it makes him look like the good parent/person to her... Or she has never even said she doesn't want you there and he's feeding you this bs as a part of his power play.

[redredwine]

Feb 11, 2013 17:41:39 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Update: I just got an email from the ex about why his gf won't meet me:

It doesn't really matter why she doesn't want to meet you or let you
know where she lives. She's a private person. I've not spoken ill of
you or painted you in a bad light, I promise. In fact when we discussed
it last night she said I take your side too easily & should relook @
situations. She's made her assesment of you thru [our son] & some of
the situations you presented me w/since we've been in ID (like wanting
to restrick [our son] to seeing her every other time I have him (which you
dropped), wanting her to come to [my older son's] concert, etc...). These have shaped her opinion, as I'm sure
situations I've been in have shaped [Sam's] opinion of me. Re: where you
pick [our son] up @, I'd suggest dropping that. You're getting a pretty
good deal out of not having to drive to my town every other weekend.

Um, what a dickk.
I have no advice as I haven't dealt with anything like this, but I'm sorry...that really sucks and yes, it's weird of her.

[stephreloaded]

I would be so freaking pissed but there is nothing you can do about it so I would just leave it be.
When you ask him why did he demand to meet Sam and you not meeting his GF, what does he say?

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2013 17:41:39 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Update: I just got an email from the ex about why his gf won't meet me:

It doesn't really matter why she doesn't want to meet you or let you
know where she lives. She's a private person. I've not spoken ill of
you or painted you in a bad light, I promise. In fact when we discussed
it last night she said I take your side too easily & should relook @
situations. She's made her assesment of you thru [our son] & some of
the situations you presented me w/since we've been in ID (like wanting
to restrick [our son] to seeing her every other time I have him (which you
dropped), wanting her to come to [my older son's] concert, etc...). These have shaped her opinion, as I'm sure
situations I've been in have shaped [Sam's] opinion of me. Re: where you
pick [our son] up @, I'd suggest dropping that. You're getting a pretty
good deal out of not having to drive to my town every other weekend.

OH noes! How dare you ask her to become involved. WTF?

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2013 17:41:39 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Update: I just got an email from the ex about why his gf won't meet me:

It doesn't really matter why she doesn't want to meet you or let you
know where she lives. She's a private person. I've not spoken ill of
you or painted you in a bad light, I promise. In fact when we discussed
it last night she said I take your side too easily & should relook @
situations. She's made her assesment of you thru [our son] & some of
the situations you presented me w/since we've been in ID (like wanting
to restrick [our son] to seeing her every other time I have him (which you
dropped), wanting her to come to [my older son's] concert, etc...). These have shaped her opinion, as I'm sure
situations I've been in have shaped [Sam's] opinion of me. Re: where you
pick [our son] up @, I'd suggest dropping that. You're getting a pretty
good deal out of not having to drive to my town every other weekend.

I will stab this fucker in his smug little face right for you.

Holy condescending assfucking bag.

Jerk.

[wrathofkuus]

I'm with imoan. I'm not convinced that his girlfriend has even heard that you want to meet her. In fact, I wouldn't be shocked if he told her that you're crazy and don't want to meet or even see the outside of her house.

[Muddled]

Ew. Don't let this man in your house anymore. That's a courtesy that he has not earned.

[jojoandleo]

Feb 11, 2013 23:30:16 GMT -5 @tjenbell said:

Thanks for the support. I was beginning to think maybe I was in the wrong. Sometimes it's hard to know if you're right when you're so angry.

You are NOT in the wrong.  Your XH is a manipulative douche and he knows the buttons to push to make you question yourself.  Don't buy into it.  You should:

a-know where your kids are staying.  This just seems like common sense.  She doesn't want you to know where she lives?  Fine.  The kids can't stay there.

b-know the people who are around your kids.  AND he knows that!  Hence why he wanted to meet Sam.

[udscoobychick]

Honestly, I would go back to court and get a clause added to your custody agreement about meeting SOs and about knowing where your kid is staying, if that is at all possible. It's a big deal that he's not letting you know that information, and I think a judge would see that.

[ECB]

Feb 12, 2013 8:26:24 GMT -5 udscoobychick said:

Honestly, I would go back to court and get a clause added to your custody agreement about meeting SOs and about knowing where your kid is staying, if that is at all possible. It's a big deal that he's not letting you know that information, and I think a judge would see that.

This is where I'm at.  I would have a REALLY big problem with this. 

And I agree- I have a feeling it's HIM who doesn't want you all to meet.  He's probably telling her crap about you, but if she meets you, she might realize he's full of it....

[Deleted]

Feb 11, 2013 22:56:04 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

I'm with imoan. I'm not convinced that his girlfriend has even heard that you want to meet her. In fact, I wouldn't be shocked if he told her that you're crazy and don't want to meet or even see the outside of her house.

Yep I'm here too. 

[stephreloaded]

The more I think about it, the more I hate your ex. I was thinking about how you say he has a type of OCD (don't remember exactly what you said it was) but I really think he is just using it as a excuse to being a douche. I'm no expert but whatever he says he has is so freaking convenient to have control over you. 

Ugh, I guess you can tell I'm still pissed for you.

[starburst604]

The more I read about your ex-h, the more I think if I had to deal with him for the next 13 years I might pay for a hitman.

[formerlyak]

I don't know if you can get a clause in your CO stating that you have to meet every SO the kids hang out with, but you should be able to get a clause stating that you can know the address where they are staying on your ex's weekends.

[jojoandleo]

Something could happen to both of them-a car crash on a date and you wouldn't know where your child is. And your ex COULD decide to just keep the kid, and you don't know where they live-this happens more often than you would think. They are LEGITIMATE concerns. Yes, i would discuss this with your ex before pursuing legal action, but I 100% think it is worth pursuing.