I've never shared my full story here.

[lookingup]

Oh wow, MP. I'm so sorry you went through all of that. ((hugs)) I'm glad you're in such a good place now.

[Deleted]

MP - what a difficult thing to deal with at such a young age. I'm glad you're getting therapy to wade through some of this stuff too. I have a somewhat similar story if you'd ever want to hear it sometime about my first boyfriend.



(hug) (hug2)

[Deleted]

Oh gosh, I saw that thread you referred to and also now have read your story, and it's all just so heartbreaking to me. I can't even begin to imagine the lifelong trauma survivors of such things encounter, and I also can not fathom what it is like to be married to someone who has been through so much. I can only guess what it feels like to be torn between your love and caring for someone and knowing that in the end, there's only so much you can do to help.

Hugs and hairpats from me.

[dirtybella]

You sharing this just confirms something I was just saying to a friend of mine. Someone made a comment to me about "people divorcing too easily" and that "marriage is supposed to be forever". I get so frustrated with that. My exH had a severe mental illness. I did my best to make the marriage work but in the end I valued my safety more than my marriage. I don't go telling everyone the details of everything that happened. So I frequently get the judegment of someone "who doesn't value marriage". I try to calmly explain that not everything is how it seems. Some people keep details to themselves and that the situation was probably more than meets the eye. Your story is just another example of this!

[Deleted]

MP that is so difficult. You are a stronger person now because of it and I'm glad you've finally found solace in therapy. Sexual abuse within a family is so hard to deal with because there are so many levels of emotions that ebb and flow. Your XH was lucky to have you by his side, but I agree that it wasn't healthy for you to take on that burden. I'm glad you're doing for you, now. ((hugs))

[bullygirl979]

Hugs, mp. And lots of hairpats. I know it is easy to say "Oh, I should have done xyz" but don't be too hard on yourself. Like you said, you realize that you need it now and that is what counts!

[Muddled]

Why do we tend to neglect ourselves for taking care of others?

I'm glad you've been able to work through this. It must've been a really heavy burden.

[Deleted]

Feb 19, 2013 15:39:36 GMT -5 Muddled said:

Why do we tend to neglect ourselves for taking care of others?

I wonder this too, I know I've been known to do this a lot in the past and still struggle with it. 

[bowies]

I'm so sorry mp. My XH was the victim of physical abuse at the hands of his father, and while his reaction was much different, it was still a strain on the marriage at the end because he refused to deal with it in a healthy way.

And people who say "people divorce too easily these days" seriously suck. Must be nice living under that rock.

ETA:  I went and read the thread you referenced and my heart hurts for her.  I hope she finds the justice and healing she very much deserves.

[turtle1120]

Big hugs, MP. That sounds so incredibly hard to deal with, but I'm glad you're in a good place now.

[Deleted]

Feb 19, 2013 16:06:47 GMT -5 mp said:

Thanks, friends. Muddled & doglove, I am definitely a care taker by nature...

That's what I've been working on - putting my air mask on first before helping others. :-P

Me too, it's hard isn't it?

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

Wow, mp. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are a warrior, never forget it.

[gozf]

C'mere so I can hold you.

[winecat]

Hugs, hair pats and GF cupcakes... I think you did an amazing job shouldering such a crushing burden at such a young age.

[doriswe]

I want to hug you....hard!!

[missuselmore]

Thank you for posting this MP, my H avoids this topic often and I hadnt thought about the burden it places on him. I didnt want to say anything on ML because I didnt want any judgement on him. But I understand more now, why he kind of avoids this topic.

[cam13]

I want to hug you and give you hair pats. Glad you're in a good place now, you are clearly a very strong person.

[Wrath0fKuus]

I don't think I've ever heard anything from this perspective ever before.

[brewco]

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Lots of hairpats and hugs for you.

[Wrath0fKuus]

I've known a surprising number of people who have had to go into therapy themselves because their spouses were going through something. It's something that doesn't seem intuitive, but once you think about it, it makes perfect sense.

[stephreloaded]

Im really sorry MP, that must have been so hard on you both!

[missuselmore]

MP, I am not the least bit offended, I am grateful to have your perspective. I never thought about what burden this could be on my husband. Thank you for sharing! I will pm you sometime. Hugs to you too! And hair pats, sorry if I've brought all these memories for you too.

[Deleted]

Wow, you've really been through so much.  Hair pats. ((Hugs)). Glad you are in a better place now!

[hazel]

Lots of hair pats and hugs. I'm glad you're learning to take care of yourself first. I'm working on that too.

[sassafras]

((Hugs)) I dated someone who was suicidal and it was so so hard. I can't even imagine how hard it would be to be married to someone with everything he was dealing with - I am very sorry you had to deal with that, and very sorry for the awful things that your XH had to endure.

[jojoandleo]

I love you MP!!

Also, this goes to show SO is right- you need to get therapy and work through your own issues before you can have a successful relationship.

Also, you are a strong and amazing person. Hugs and kisses and boob smooshing.

[Deleted]

What a horrible thing to go through for all of you.

You are still married to him though at this moment aren't you? I thought you just filed for divorce about a month ago?

[redredwine]

Wow, MP. That's crazy...thank you for sharing your story. It's like it was too little too late for him, but you did everything you could and ultimately made the right decision. Hopefully he's getting the help he needs, but it's no longer your issue to deal with and I know you're in a better place.

[usedtobebear]

((HUGS MP))
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that with your ex, I can certainly relate as my stbx had a lot of issues stemming from his childhood and was also estranged from his Dad.  It really is SO hard being with someone with so much emotional trauma and baggage.  And, I know how frustrating it is to see them getting help AFTER you stuck by their side for years and years, ugh!! I emphathize with your situation and completely understand the ups and downs you are going through