My BIL is such a douchebag

[Deleted]

Remember the BIL who got my elderly IL's stuck in Houston 3 days before Christmas? And then said he didn't want to put tickets on his credit card to get them to Arizona? Because he's a selfish jackass? So H comes home and informs me that this same BIL who is too broke to afford a damn mattress and is sleeping on a camping air mattress just jetted off to HAWAII for 3 days with a buddy. Granted, the tickets are free but the food and hotels aren't. 

This is the same BIL that owes H 9 grand. 

I know I can't do anything about it and it's really none of my business but it infuriates me that he gets away with this shit and no one says anything to him. Not even 3 months ago he didn't have the money to get  his elder parents out of a shitty situation that HE put them in but now he 'got tired of the snow' so he took off to Hawaii of all  places. I asked H if he was going to say anything and he just looked at me and shrugged. 

[wrathofkuus]

So tell him he's a douche.

[Bonita]

So you're mad at your BIL because he hasn't paid your H back, but your H hasn't actually asked BIL for the money back?

Maybe BIL doesn't understand that your H actually wants his money back...Or maybe your H doesn't think it's as big of a deal as you do? I don't actually know the back story on this, so forgive me if that's a wrong interpretation?

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 19:00:31 GMT -5 Bonita said:

So you're mad at your BIL because he hasn't paid your H back, but your H hasn't actually asked BIL for the money back?

Maybe BIL doesn't understand that your H actually wants his money back...Or maybe your H doesn't think it's as big of a deal as you do? I don't actually know the back story on this, so forgive me if that's a wrong interpretation?

No, H hasn't asked for the money because he was under the impression that BIL was too broke to actually pay him back. According to BIL, he's barely making ends meet. And when he got my IL's stuck in Houston last month, he refused to put their tickets on his credit card because he 'didn't want that on his credit card' even though it was his fault. And suddenly, he has money to go to Hawaii. That's why I'm pissed. 

[Bonita]

I guess internally I'd be a little miffed, but I personally wouldn't be all that mad at the BIL necessarily...Especially if your H loaned him that enormous amount of money, and never actually said outloud that he wanted the money back.

I go by the thought that if you give money to someone, especially a family member, you should be prepared to never see that money again...even if you tell the person that you expect it back. I only give away as much as I'm willing to permanently part with.

I have zero clue about the Houston thing...I could see not wanting to put something on my credit card though, if I was trying to save up for a trip to Hawaii. Again, I could be missing huge back story on all of this, so he could be real dumb...I'm just saying it may not be the case too. If nothing else, your H needs to tell him he wants his money back, out loud and soooonnn

[sonrisa]

If he is sleeping on a camping mattress now, he is probably crashing on his friend's hotel room floor.

If you owe someone money they shouldn't have to ask to be repaid (I disagree with bonita on that one). However, he clearly needs to be told. Set up at least a basic repayment plan with him.

[Deleted]

Has he always been like that? IMO he does those shitty things because people enable him. I wouldn't trust this guy with any money situation or him paying for stuff. And the whole family needs to do the same.

[Deleted]

You probably already know this, but your H will never see that 9 grand. Not from what your telling me.

[livinitup]

You know you're not seeing any of that 9K again. Right?

And you'll be hit-up for more. You know that, right? And you are the asshole when you say no. Because it's such a super-special-not-his-fault situation.

Brace yourself.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 20:29:56 GMT -5 @kimberhenry said:

You probably already know this, but your H will never see that 9 grand. Not from what your telling me.

sigh. I know. I've accepted it. But his stupidity and lack of caring for anyone but himself just makes me so angry. It hurts H too. BIL sent him a picture of Hawaii and was all 'Guess where I am!?' It was just a shitty thing to do. 

Bonita, there's back story here. He gave his elderly parents 'tickets' to go see their 2 grand kids in AZ for christmas but didnt tell anyone they were actually free standby tickets and he got them stuck for almost 12 hours in Houston and they barely got out in time for Christmas. MIL has spinabifida and FIL is showing signs of early dementia, and BIL didn't even apologize. They got on a stand by flight but if they had missed it, they were going to have to shell out the $$ for a regular flight and BIL wouldn't do that even though it was totes his fault in the first place. And now, 3 months later, he suddenly has the money to treat himself to a Hawaiian vacation when he couldn't even help pay for his parents tickets home that had been his gift in the first place. 

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 20:38:40 GMT -5 livinitup said:

You know you're not seeing any of that 9K again. Right?

And you'll be hit-up for more. You know that, right? And you are the asshole when you say no. Because it's such a super-special-not-his-fault situation.

Brace yourself.

Oh MIL already tried to get us (well H at the time, we were just engaged) to help him out of a car loan he was about to default on that she had co-signed with him. H said no to that. H knows I would loose my mind if he gave him any money. We don't have much to spare as it is, but there is no way BIL is getting any more money. 

[cleo29]

Next year get him a canoe ornament and have "Douchecanoe" on it. Geez, what an asshole.

[Deleted]

Feb 26, 2013 20:02:46 GMT -5 @landobiscuit said:

Has he always been like that? IMO he does those shitty things because people enable him. I wouldn't trust this guy with any money situation or him paying for stuff. And the whole family needs to do the same.

I think he has. He still hasn't apologized to his parents or his brother and sister (H's brother and sister) for putting them through all the crap at Christmas and has not thanked them either for bailing his ass out.

I'm just baffled at how he can think jetting off to Hawaii after all hes pulled over the last few months is okay. I guess SIL (H's and his sister) is just as livid as I am. According to him, he's barely paying his bills as it is and is living paycheck to paycheck and is struggling to get food in the house. But a trip to Hawaii? NBD apparently! 

[alzi]

I just realized who you are. Lol.

I thought someone new joined the board and just had the same pic as you and I was confused.