Help and advice, elder care related.

[WOT?*]

I posted this on MM but maybe you guys have some advice as well.

My dad has Alzheimer's. His wife has been his main caretaker, with help from in-home nursing not often enough (2 days/week). She had a heart-attack last Monday and is hospitalized and undergoing a multiple bypass. She won't be able to care for him any longer, obviously. (We have tried unsuccessfully to get her alternatives but she's a stubborn old Kentucky gal, along the lines of Hatfields and McCoys stubborn. Same neck of the woods and same independent streak.)

Problem one is her stubbornness and her insistence on caring for my dad. She knows she can't take care of him now and will appreciate assistance, but she is the type that will be overseeing the way they take care of my dad. Are they washing him well enough? Changing him properly? etc. And she'll let them know if they're not doing it right. That will not help her health-wise.

Problem two. Dad is stage IV Alzheimer's. We can't have him admitted to just any facility. He needs advanced care in a nursing home setting. His insurance won't pick it up unless he has been hospitalized for at least three days prior to the admission. We can't just hospitalize him for the sake of hospitalizing him.

My siblings have been taking care of him since last week. I will be flying down on Thursday to do a rotation (week to ten days). His wife should be getting released from the hospital then, unless she goes into rehab herself. (I would love to see them both in an assisted living facility together but the one that I talked with can't take dad because he is stage IV. They have Alz care and do *have* stage IV but they need to be admitted in stage I or II and deteriorate.)

Right now, we're looking at having him placed in a VA facility for 30 days while we explore other options for his care. They have an emergent facility near my brother's house where they can place him on a temporary basis when a bed becomes available.

They have no assets. They live in a house my brother owns and collect social security and a small pension. The social worker at the hospital where wife is staying is trying to get him expedited onto Medicare. I am looking into hospice care for him as well. I will be speaking with his doctor when I arrive in town.

What experiences has anyone had in a similar situation? What suggestions and avenues would you explore for care and treatment? What questions would you ask and what answers would you look for?

[greylady]

You need an elder law attorney. Google NAELA and look in their state directory for an attorney. Attorney plus social worker is the best way to go.

[dcannie]

who has medical p.o.a. over your dad? does anyone have a medical p.o.a. for his wife?

in my experience it will be incredibly difficult to find a place for both of them that is covered by insurance.

[WOT?*]

Wife has POA and my brother has POA. So we're set there at least.