Do you have "people"?

[discogranny]

Do you have people in your life whose children correlate to IF milestones? I was talking to a friend tonight and told her about my IF milestone people and I felt kind of crazy. 

Friend A will always be the person who conceived the first month we TTC and her daughter will always remind me of what could have been. Acquaintance B is the person who got pregnant with her second during my first IF treatment cycle, her daughter will always remind me of the hope I had for that cycle and the brave face I put on to congratulate her. Person C has the same due date as my IVF loss and her pregnancy milestones are too hard for me right now. 

Am I alone (and possibly crazy) in this? 

[BNL2]

I don't really think about it but I do have friends who have children/pregnancies that correlate with significant moments in my IF journey. One of my best friends told me she was pregnant this week a few days before I found out our first IUI was a fail. I actually got a BFN that morning but it was early and I was still hopeful. I'm sure her pregnancy will be hard for me but I'm already working on my supportive smile.

[sonrisa]

hugs

[trufflefries]

You're not alone. A good friend of mine and I found out we were trying to get pregnant at the same time- April 2011. She got pregnant in June and now has a 15 month old. Every time I see her sweet baby boy and he gets another month older, it's a reminder of what could have been if my body didn't suck.

[KaraOrNot]

I think in terms of when we started ttc. Like, if I would gave gotten pregnant in our first cycle, we would have a 10 month old. Or they started trying a year after us and are going to give birth any minute. I call it IF math and it fucking sucks.

[mae141]

Oh yes. If you're crazy then I am, too. There's one girl that was married for a few years before me and I used to tell myself I wasn't "behind" because she doesn't even have kids yet. She's pregnant with her second now.

There's another girl that I work with that's due right around when my due date was. That's a punch in the stomach any time I have to hear anything about it.

[ilovecandy]

Mar 8, 2013 2:14:31 GMT -5 KaraOrNot said:

I think in terms of when we started ttc. Like, if I would gave gotten pregnant in our first cycle, we would have a 10 month old. Or they started trying a year after us and are going to give birth any minute. I call it IF math and it fucking sucks.

This is me too. Or just in terms of who has gotten pregnant and had a kid while we have been trying.

[bronxgirl]

I totally know how you feel. It's not crazy at all. I think it's pretty normal, but also heartbreaking. For me it's not just people, but also certain events/ dates, etc. For instance if my IVF was successful than we would have been 12 wks on DH's birthday and we were looking forwrad to telling people on his bday, so now when his b-day comes around I'll be sad. I also feel sad about good things that overlap with IF milestones. For ex;, if my IVF had worked than the baby would be due right around Halloween. I remember thinking "Oh too bad, DD won't get to go trick or treating this year". Now I'm afraid that when we do go TOTing I'm going to be sad. Same with my upcoming b-day. When planning ym party I thought "bummer i can't have a drink on my 40th birthday." Now i can, but that seems kinda' sad rather than fun.

[belovedbride07]

I haven't posted over here yet because I keep irrationally hoping the urologist will have some kind of magic solution and we won't be having "Trouble" anymore, but this really struck home.  I thought I was being overly sensitive, and it is comforting to hear that others have the same thoughts (although it is heartbreaking that we do).

There was a girl in high school, and while we weren't really "rivals," people tended to talk about us as competitors (we had each been teacher's pet smart girls at our respective middle schools); she's pregnant with her third child, and due around when I would be due if we had been successful the first month.  Luckily she's not an AW on Facebook about it, but it's still hard, especially since we have our reunion coming up and I feel like I'll be the only one without kids (I know that is totally not true, but you know how the mind can exaggerate and distort...).

And I know how you feel about the dates, Bronx.  I get that, too.

(hug) (hug2) to everyone.

[statlerwaldorf]

I don't have anyone who has children that line up with my failed IVF cycles or my m/c. I found out I was having a m/c on my brother's birthday, so I think of that every year. I have a hard time with some of my friends that have children the same age as DD. We started TTC when she was 6 months old, but at this point there are people that have already had two more kids in the time we've been TTC. One had two kids in the time we have been TTC and is pregnant again with her 5th.

[discogranny]

Big hugs to all of you ladies. While I am sad to know that we all have these milestones, I am glad to be "crazy" with good company

[murdock]

hugs!!

and belovedbride07, welcome!

Omg, yes to this! I have quite a few. Even in trying to not let it affect me, I always look at their kids and wonder. It sucks. DH feels the same way.