I need to have a small pity party, just for tonight.

[stephm0188]

Today just sucked.

My little person turns five next month. He has a severe speech delay, and his articulation is not the best. Thanks to therapy and special ed preschool, he's made a ton of progress, but the staff at preschool encouraged us to delay kindergarten and to send him back for a third year of special ed preschool. Making that decision has really weighed heavily on me over the last two months.

Anyhow, I took him to the playground today. There were a couple of other kids his age there, and he ran off to play with them. Before long I overheard them making fun of him. "You talk like a retard. You're a baby. I can't understand you." He was confused and didn't understand why they wouldn't play with him I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened, but it isn't. It breaks my heart how cruel little kids can be.

And then to top it off, we bumped into a neighbor outside when we came home. She has a kid the same age. They were born less than a week apart. She knows our struggles with his delays. She asked if we were enrolling him in full day kindergarten or half day and if we were requesting a teacher, and I told her that the preschool staff felt he wasn't ready. Then she launched into this whole braggy speech about how excited she is to send her child because he's just so smart and she's pushing for gifted testing and her son has such a great vocabulary and is starting to read and can write really well. Seriously? She had to choose THAT moment? IDK, maybe I'm overly sensitive.

I'm tired of everything being so difficult. I know it won't be forever and that he'll catch up at some point. But for now it really, really sucks.

[textbookcase]

Ugh, I'm sorry. That was just rude of your neighbor.

K has articulation issues as well and kids sometimes tell her she talks like a baby. It seems to roll right off her back and I think it upsets me more than her. (((hugs)))

[ralphlauren]

I am so sorry That was really shitty of your neighbor to say that to you. I would be sensitive too and that would bother me.

[gretchenindisguise]

I'm so sorry. Both of those stories make me want to cry. Well no, the second kind of makes me want to punch her in the face.

[Jermys]

I can SO relate to this. I was 100% sure we were keeping Edith back, but she's been doing speech therapy twice a week and OT every other week, and she just tested average for her age. Which is super shocking to me, considering how behind she was even six months ago. Her teachers and her speech therapist are completely amazed at how far she's come, and I think it's just that things just finally clicked for her. Since we paid off our deductible, we're sticking with our current schedule until January, and she's starting Kindergarten in the fall. I'm still shocked.

That to say, things will click with your little guy, and you'll be amazed at how quickly he'll have things figured out.

[2boys2danes]

Ugh... I hate those moments for sure. Sounds like you are a wonderful mom and he will catch up... just takes time and patience. One of my sons has pretty severe receptive and expressive language difficulties but I can tell a big diff in his vocab as he works with the sped speech therapist and is around other kids who speak better than he does and he learn from them. He is 13 now and its def getting better. Hang in there

[missmaddie]

A) Your kid is a 1000x better-off than a 5-year-old that would tell another child they sound like a "retard." I encounter kids that age on a daily basis when I support kids with ASD in integrated classrooms, and I have NEVER heard one say something like that to another child, or even behind their back. I'm torn between thinking that child has some struggles of their own...or just offering to go kick that kid in the shins for you. Really, I have no reservations about it.

B) It sounds like your neighbour had already planned to brag about her child, and the question about your son was just a lead-in to her "exciting" news. Maybe you just seem so cool and confident about your decision and your son's progress that she assumed it wouldn't be difficult for you to hear about her child too? I can also go kick her in the shins if you'd like.

[psychmom]

((stephm0188))

I'm sorry you had a hard day. Kids can be real assholes.

[anlo]

That was pretty shitty for your neighbor to go off bragging like that. I understand where you're coming from about the preschool situation. We have the option of keeping our DS with special needs back for another year before starting K. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry!

[kcr1972]

I am so sorry.

[orangeblossom]

I'm sorry you had a rough day. Bragging is obnoxious any day, so even though you'd had a tough day, like pps said, the neighbor was intent on bragging.

As far as the kid, who is this kid hanging around that he even knows the word retard. I know kids can say cruel things, but he had to have heard that word somewhere. Perhaps I'm just naive, but is retard commonly used in elementary schools.

Hugs.

[stephm0188]

I was pretty shocked to hear it. I've heard the baby insult from another jerkface kid in the neighborhood, but never anything this awful. It seems to have bothered me more than it did him, so I guess there's that.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

[auntie]

I'm sorry.

Can I pull up a chair?

It's really hard when other kids see your child's differences; even without the "R" word and "baby", shunning your son would have hurt. Some of the hardest times for me as a mom of a kid with Aspergers have been when an otherwise nice kid asked me what my son acts like he does- not so much in a judging way but out of genuine confusion.

Is your son very close to the cut off date for kindie? Do you agree with holding him back? Has he been evaluated formally to see where he is in terms or cognition, social maturity and adaptive skills? Does he have just a single dx like apraxia? It's pretty unusual to delay kindie in kids with special needs in many places- it can be argued that his right to LRE is violated in a class intended for kids younger than he is. If you don't feel this is the right choice for your son, as a member of the CSE you are certainly able to challenge them.

I've seen the redshirt thing go both ways.

I have a dear friend whose son has severe apraxia- like basically no real speech by kindie which he started a mere 12 days after his 5th birthday. He went into a mainstream class with private PROMPT and in-school SLT services. The lift he got from being mainstreamed and with typical kids helped him improve in ways the Sped integrated preschool didn't. He's still has some artic issues- sort of like Barry Kripky on Big Bang. But he managed to graduate college with honors in 3 1/2 years. His biggest issue now is chosing a grad school.

On the other hand, I red-shirted my son pre-dx. He was certainly bright and verbal enough to do kindie, but his social and adaptive maturity piece was off. It was a useful strategy early on and again at the end of school as he transitioned to college, but for the most part it didn't allow him to catch up.

Follow you mom-gut. You really know best.

As for your asshat neighbor. Umm, yeah. This happens to me all the time. Sometimes this comes from a place of being uber excited about the next phase in her child's life because, damn- it really is exciting if you're a part of it. In a way, it's reflective of how well your son seems to be doing that she assumed he'd be in kindie. It means the gap between him and the typical kids isn't all that obvious.

The thing that bothers me most is when parents of typical kids go on the mock rants. You know- telling the mother of the autistic kid whose cell never rings how their kid went over their minutes- again. Or how their DD doesn't know who to go to prom with because she's been asked by six guys. Or how their son is president, captain or leader of every activity you wonder how he'll maintain his 4.4 GPA.

I like this book. It won't fix anything, but I relate to every page.

Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid

[vanillacourage]

Those kids and your neighbor suck. You are clearly a great mom - just keep doing what you're doing and it will pay off big for your son. Hang in there!

[denise]

I am so sorry

[stephm0188]

auntie Thank you for taking the time to write all that out.

He turns five next month, so he's not really close at all to the cutoff in October. We do have the option of enrolling him in kindergarten if we choose to do so. His team of teachers and therapists presented us with all the information and gave their recommendation, but it is entirely our call. We can go through the transition or go with another year of preschool.

He does not have a formal dx. Aside from speech therapy, he's also getting services for fine and gross motor. He was given a kindergarten readiness assessment and score well above the mininum they like to see. Socially and maturity wise, he is ready to move on. But his speech delay is still considered severe, and his fine motor stuff isn't quite up to par. If we were in another school district, I would send him in a heartbeat, but we're in a district with tough academic standards. Both his OT and ST work in other districts as well and said pretty much the same thing- if it were another district, they'd send him, but things are tougher here. Redshirting typical kids isn't uncommon here, so I'm not overly concerned about the social impact it would have. My biggest concern was that he would be bored. He's ready for other challenges academically. We're sending him back to SN preschool next year, but we'll also send him to a local preschool program as well. They have a program for fives who either missed the cut off or weren't quite ready for all day kindergarten, so we're hoping the combination of the two will be enough to keep him challenged. It will essentially be the same schedule as kindergarten, but he'll only have 4 days of school vs 5.

Thanks for the book rec. I'll be sure to check it out.

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[murdock]

(((Hugs))) What you described at the playground made me so sad.

The neighbor is a jerk. It's like she asked you that question with the agenda to brag about her child. I'm sorry.

[eb777888]

Mar 10, 2013 0:50:17 GMT -5 @scottydeux said:

I would be tired of that, too. Please know that while kids can be cruel, your child will grow up *strong*, overcoming the obstacles, and being more empathetic most likely. I'm not trying to wrap everything up in a pretty package, but that's often what happens. Later, it's a gift. Now, I know it's tough. Hang in there, mama.

I love this.

My son is speech delayed (he's 4.5) and other kids have asked me "why does he talk funny?" or they look at me and say "what's he saying?" I found out that even my good friend's boys were making fun of him when we weren't around saying "you talk like a baby!" The kids were older and he didn't really understand but it broke my heart and really pissed me off.

Your neighbor is a douche, I'd really try not to let that bother you. She clearly has her head up her ass. Just give him some time and do what *you* feel is best for him. My son was born in November so he still has another year before Kindergarten but I absolutely would not hesitate to hold him back until his speech was a little better caught up. I don't consider holding back for a speech delay as redshirting. I worry, even now that his speech is much better and we can even have a conversation back and forth, that he's going to have a hard time learning until his speech is more caught up because his teacher and even I have a hard time understanding what he's saying a lot of the time. Communication is not easy a lot of the time, I'm hoping it's much better  next year before he starts Kindergarten.