I have been feeling alright, cut down on alcohol and (oh my god, what a surprise) I haven't been feeling as down. Still low energy and trouble focusing. I went to the doctor this morning and he put me on a dopamine agonist and my energy is through the roof! I am feeling a little dizzy/disoriented, but otherwise I'm feeling great. I'm anxious to see how this works in the next few weeks.
Post by jennipea382 on Jun 5, 2012 15:10:56 GMT -5
Not too bad. I've been frustrated with myself lately because I'm trying to lose weight and get healthier, but for some reason I can't just DO it. I don't know why. I know what I need to do, I just don't do it. I want to look and feel better! Ugh!
I have been a little bit down just because I don't have a lot of friends anymore. I was in a sorority in college, so I was used to being around people a LOT. If I wanted to go out and do something, there was usually someone to meet up with. But now, nothing. I still live in the town I went to school in, but most people have moved away. I do have some awesome friends around here, but our schedules never work. And the friends I wanted to remain close to seem SO far away, not just in distance. They always do things without me and while I don't expected to be invited everywhere all the time, I just wish I felt included once in a while. It's an ongoing issue that never seems to get solved.
I could probably benefit from going to a counselor. I have a lot of pent up anger about some things that have happened and I get upset easily sometimes. But of course I'll never go. I seem to have a problem doing things for myself.. pretty much my life story right there, haha.
Not too bad. I've been frustrated with myself lately because I'm trying to lose weight and get healthier, but for some reason I can't just DO it. I don't know why. I know what I need to do, I just don't do it. I want to look and feel better! Ugh!
I have been a little bit down just because I don't have a lot of friends anymore. I was in a sorority in college, so I was used to being around people a LOT. If I wanted to go out and do something, there was usually someone to meet up with. But now, nothing. I still live in the town I went to school in, but most people have moved away. I do have some awesome friends around here, but our schedules never work. And the friends I wanted to remain close to seem SO far away, not just in distance. They always do things without me and while I don't expected to be invited everywhere all the time, I just wish I felt included once in a while. It's an ongoing issue that never seems to get solved.
I could probably benefit from going to a counselor. I have a lot of pent up anger about some things that have happened and I get upset easily sometimes. But of course I'll never go. I seem to have a problem doing things for myself.. pretty much my life story right there, haha.
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling the way you do. Have you ever tried to write about how you feel, like in a private online journal or in a regular journal that you can carry with you? I have problems with feeling left out a lot or not being included. Writing usually helps me feel better. It sucks trying to make new friends, but maybe you could take a class you are interested in at a community college or volunteer somewhere and make some friends that way. Even though I live far, I'll be your friend. I'm always here if you need to talk. Feel free to message me anytime. I have more to say, but I have to leave for work. I'll post more when I get home.
I think I'm on the verge of losing it. Either I'm super sensitive today, or the people around me are being unusually mean. I feel like I am constantly on the brink of tears- and between checking on my mom and on the way back to work I cried. I feel like I need a drink- or twenty. The person I've been counting on and leaning way too much on, pretty much told me to back off. I am sure its a mis communication but at this point I can't talk about it with him. A friend made me feel guilty for my mom choosing chemo even though she will die. She knows it all because her aunt went through breast cancer. Not the same, not the same chemo. I spent all day and lot of my energy over playing "happy". My mom has been crying a lot this week- over random stuff- like the Queen's jubilee. Its just bad all around.
Not too bad. I've been frustrated with myself lately because I'm trying to lose weight and get healthier, but for some reason I can't just DO it. I don't know why. I know what I need to do, I just don't do it. I want to look and feel better! Ugh!
I have been a little bit down just because I don't have a lot of friends anymore. I was in a sorority in college, so I was used to being around people a LOT. If I wanted to go out and do something, there was usually someone to meet up with. But now, nothing. I still live in the town I went to school in, but most people have moved away. I do have some awesome friends around here, but our schedules never work. And the friends I wanted to remain close to seem SO far away, not just in distance. They always do things without me and while I don't expected to be invited everywhere all the time, I just wish I felt included once in a while. It's an ongoing issue that never seems to get solved.
I could probably benefit from going to a counselor. I have a lot of pent up anger about some things that have happened and I get upset easily sometimes. But of course I'll never go. I seem to have a problem doing things for myself.. pretty much my life story right there, haha.
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling the way you do. Have you ever tried to write about how you feel, like in a private online journal or in a regular journal that you can carry with you? I have problems with feeling left out a lot or not being included. Writing usually helps me feel better. It sucks trying to make new friends, but maybe you could take a class you are interested in at a community college or volunteer somewhere and make some friends that way. Even though I live far, I'll be your friend. I'm always here if you need to talk. Feel free to message me anytime. I have more to say, but I have to leave for work. I'll post more when I get home.
Thanks for your response! I actually did have a blog that I posted in. No one knew about it so if anyone read it they would have had to randomly stumble on it somehow. I had to wipe my computer not too long ago and I never put the bookmark back onto my toolbar so I totally forgot about it. It does help to just "talk" about it to myself, but sometimes it's just not enough.
I've been trying to make friends at my new job but it's really tough. Most people in my department are my parents' age or have young kids (or are pregnant..), so it's a little harder for me to relate to them. I work part time right now too, so I don't get to know people as well as they all know each other. We are hiring a few more people so maybe they will be closer to my age and such. I have kind of a hard time making friends sometimes though.
I think what I really need to do is rebuild the friendships that have been slipping away. I'm a pretty independent person so I'm usually content to just sit in my apartment on the computer all day, go to the store by myself, etc. I tend to forget to keep in touch with people or I never know what to do. I hate asking someone to hang out and not have an idea of what to do. I don't have a ton of money so going to a movie, going out to eat, etc usually doesn't work that well.
I've considered the possibility that somewhere down the line I developed some social anxiety. I get really nervous hanging out with people because I feel like I don't know what to say or do most of the time. Definitely something I need to work on.
Sorry, that got a little long. That's something you ladies might learn about me. Get me talking about certain things and I'll ramble like crazy. I appreciate that so far no one seems to mind :-)
I think I'm on the verge of losing it. Either I'm super sensitive today, or the people around me are being unusually mean. I feel like I am constantly on the brink of tears- and between checking on my mom and on the way back to work I cried. I feel like I need a drink- or twenty. The person I've been counting on and leaning way too much on, pretty much told me to back off. I am sure its a mis communication but at this point I can't talk about it with him. A friend made me feel guilty for my mom choosing chemo even though she will die. She knows it all because her aunt went through breast cancer. Not the same, not the same chemo. I spent all day and lot of my energy over playing "happy". My mom has been crying a lot this week- over random stuff- like the Queen's jubilee. Its just bad all around.
So sorry to hear all that you're going through :-( Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy that can help take your mind off of everything? Or maybe just go to a park, take a walk, and take a deep breath. Sometimes you just have to get away from everything for a little while, mentally and/or physically.
That sucks that your friend is making you feel bad. I noticed people think that way sometimes when it comes to things like cancer - they know everything because they know one person that went through it. I can tell you from seeing all sorts of people in my life go through it, it's different for everyone. My cousin and my FI's grandma both were diagnosed with breast cancer. My cousin caught it super early. She got a double mastectomy (she had a bigger chance than usual for it to return) and is totally fine now. FI's grandma on the other hand didn't know until it was already stage 4. It progressed that quickly in a year (there was nothing on her mammogram from the previous year). She was diagnosed I think about a year ago and even though it's considered terminal, she's doing great. Goes to show that the "same" cancer can be different!
Very sorry to hear about your mom. I hope for the best for her!
**Warning: This could be triggering to anyone with an ED. I did not mention numbers**
I am having a really rough week I saw a couple of friends this past weekend that I haven't seen in about 4 months. The next day I got a text from one friend that she is extremely worried about me (b/c of my weight) and she mentioned something about not wanting me to die from starvation/anorexia-induced illness Obviously this made me sad that she was so worried, but the harder part is that I just DO NOT see what she (or anyone else apparently) sees! I do not see myself as being too thin. I still see so much fat.
I am just so freaking confused/frustrated. I HATE that I don't see myself how I really am (maybe?). I feel like people are lying to me to get me to eat or something. The other hard part is that some people (my husband and other good friend) tell me that I do NOT look too thin and that I look fine. Who am I supposed to believe?! Half the people think I look like "death" the other half say I am "fine." :@ I have no idea.
Sorry this turned into a big vent. I'm not sure what I plan to do about this. I have somewhat been thinking about maybe seeing a nutritionist or something. I figured maybe they could better gauge how I am doing esp. with weight. However, I don't feel like I should go until I am "X" amount of weight. Technically I am NOT underweight for my height (this makes it even more confusing).
Ok, I am done. Thank you for reading if you have made it this far!
I think I'm on the verge of losing it. Either I'm super sensitive today, or the people around me are being unusually mean. I feel like I am constantly on the brink of tears- and between checking on my mom and on the way back to work I cried. I feel like I need a drink- or twenty. The person I've been counting on and leaning way too much on, pretty much told me to back off. I am sure its a mis communication but at this point I can't talk about it with him. A friend made me feel guilty for my mom choosing chemo even though she will die. She knows it all because her aunt went through breast cancer. Not the same, not the same chemo. I spent all day and lot of my energy over playing "happy". My mom has been crying a lot this week- over random stuff- like the Queen's jubilee. Its just bad all around.
I am on the verge if tears just reading this. PP covered the chemo, but please do not take this crap from your friend, one past experience does not make a fortune teller. With respect to your friend/confidant, I sincerely hope that this was a misunderstanding. Also, it sounds like it may have been a bad day/mood on his part. I hope you get some amazing sleep and that tomorrow looks up.
**Warning: This could be triggering to anyone with an ED. I did not mention numbers**
I am having a really rough week I saw a couple of friends this past weekend that I haven't seen in about 4 months. The next day I got a text from one friend that she is extremely worried about me (b/c of my weight) and she mentioned something about not wanting me to die from starvation/anorexia-induced illness Obviously this made me sad that she was so worried, but the harder part is that I just DO NOT see what she (or anyone else apparently) sees! I do not see myself as being too thin. I still see so much fat.
I am just so freaking confused/frustrated. I HATE that I don't see myself how I really am (maybe?). I feel like people are lying to me to get me to eat or something. The other hard part is that some people (my husband and other good friend) tell me that I do NOT look too thin and that I look fine. Who am I supposed to believe?! Half the people think I look like "death" the other half say I am "fine." I have no idea.
Sorry this turned into a big vent. I'm not sure what I plan to do about this. I have somewhat been thinking about maybe seeing a nutritionist or something. I figured maybe they could better gauge how I am doing esp. with weight. However, I don't feel like I should go until I am "X" amount of weight. Technically I am NOT underweight for my height (this makes it even more confusing).
Ok, I am done. Thank you for reading if you have made it this far!
Seeing a nutritionist sounds like a wonderful idea, at least it would be an unbiased party who could give you some good perspective. I don't think it matters what weight you are before you go see one, they have worked with people of all weights and are trained to give guidance on many different issues.
**Warning: This could be triggering to anyone with an ED. I did not mention numbers**
I am having a really rough week I saw a couple of friends this past weekend that I haven't seen in about 4 months. The next day I got a text from one friend that she is extremely worried about me (b/c of my weight) and she mentioned something about not wanting me to die from starvation/anorexia-induced illness Obviously this made me sad that she was so worried, but the harder part is that I just DO NOT see what she (or anyone else apparently) sees! I do not see myself as being too thin. I still see so much fat.
I am just so freaking confused/frustrated. I HATE that I don't see myself how I really am (maybe?). I feel like people are lying to me to get me to eat or something. The other hard part is that some people (my husband and other good friend) tell me that I do NOT look too thin and that I look fine. Who am I supposed to believe?! Half the people think I look like "death" the other half say I am "fine." I have no idea.
Sorry this turned into a big vent. I'm not sure what I plan to do about this. I have somewhat been thinking about maybe seeing a nutritionist or something. I figured maybe they could better gauge how I am doing esp. with weight. However, I don't feel like I should go until I am "X" amount of weight. Technically I am NOT underweight for my height (this makes it even more confusing).
Ok, I am done. Thank you for reading if you have made it this far!
Seeing a nutritionist sounds like a wonderful idea, at least it would be an unbiased party who could give you some good perspective. I don't think it matters what weight you are before you go see one, they have worked with people of all weights and are trained to give guidance on many different issues.
Thank you for your reply. You are right, it doesn't matter the weight before the appointment. It is just my stupid eating disorder trying to discourage me from going. The same thing happens when it comes to going to a therapist as well. I did actually email a nutritionist that specializes in eating disorders tonight, so I think I will wait and see what she says and go from there Thank you again!
I think I'm on the verge of losing it. Either I'm super sensitive today, or the people around me are being unusually mean. I feel like I am constantly on the brink of tears- and between checking on my mom and on the way back to work I cried. I feel like I need a drink- or twenty. The person I've been counting on and leaning way too much on, pretty much told me to back off. I am sure its a mis communication but at this point I can't talk about it with him. A friend made me feel guilty for my mom choosing chemo even though she will die. She knows it all because her aunt went through breast cancer. Not the same, not the same chemo. I spent all day and lot of my energy over playing "happy". My mom has been crying a lot this week- over random stuff- like the Queen's jubilee. Its just bad all around.
Your "friend" is not being a good friend at all. You have enough going on in your life and you don't need someone like that in it or even at all. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. We are all here for you. Your mom and you and your family are in my thoughts and my prayers. I hope your week gets better.
Thanks girls. Hopefully tomorrow is better. Its the first chemo session so I have no idea what will happen, or how she will take to it. I am sure my friend was trying to be supportive, but I dont think she understands it. I'm really frustrated with the "help" my sister is giving and spent half an hour at the pharmacy fighting to get her pain meds refilled. I finally got it, but I feel like I spent all day running around and fighting. Hopefully tomorrow is a little less stressful. As for hobbies, outside of running- I don't do anything since I can't leave my mom for too long. The strokes are the hard part. She can't see properly so leaving her alone for too long is dangerous.
Between my guy friend (my rock) it was a misunderstanding :-) That feels better. I don't he remembers telling me to back off- I left shortly after that to check on mom and was upset over it, then the friend giving me a hard time about mom's chemo- by the time I had gotten back to work- he thought I was pissed at him. This morning he cornered me and asked why I was so pissed at him. I didn't tell him really any of that but that its a bad morning. I have a massive headache and my sister told me that in 2 weeks she wont be able to spend "all day" helping out anymore because her kid will be out of school. Then she asked if I've had any leads on in home care yet. Not sure what she thinks happens the other 20 hours of the day- but we'll skip it. Depending on how my mom reacts to chemo I can ask a friend to start helping out in the mornings so I can continue the set up I have now.
Post by phoenixrising on Jun 7, 2012 4:41:36 GMT -5
This is a big week for me, as I am working night shift tonight and then moving tomorrow out of the home my H and I have shared for the last six years. As of tomorrow evening, we will "officially" be separated. Although I am choosing to leave because of his affair, it still is the hardest thing I have ever been through, and it's unbelievable that this soon will not be my home anymore (although honestly, it stopped feeling like home to me quite some time ago). Wish me luck!
This is a big week for me, as I am working night shift tonight and then moving tomorrow out of the home my H and I have shared for the last six years. As of tomorrow evening, we will "officially" be separated. Although I am choosing to leave because of his affair, it still is the hardest thing I have ever been through, and it's unbelievable that this soon will not be my home anymore (although honestly, it stopped feeling like home to me quite some time ago). Wish me luck!