Help me deflect belly touches from my FIL and others

[7costanza]

Now that I'm clearly showing, people have started touching my belly and I REALLY don't like it. I would have no problem telling a stranger to back off, but find it much harder with people I know. Last night my H's aunt announced she needed to touch me, which gave my FIL an opening for a very long belly rub that extended into my coat and onto the small of my back. It was gross and I want to be prepared the next time he tries to get too close. When we were leaving I buttoned up my coat all the way, crossed my arms, and stood as far from him as possible and tried to hustle out but he still gave me another longish rub. I get that people are just excited, but it's still my body and I don't like it.

How did you get people to not touch without being rude?

[Deleted]

I just tell them. "Pease don't, I don't like being touched." Curt but effective.

[Brie]

That is weird.

When they rub your belly, reach over and rub theirs and see how they like it.

[speckledfrog]

I would just say "I don't like that."

[kangaroo11]

Whoa that's weird! I was only touched without permission by one family member, but she's just that way, so I expected it. I'd tell him nicely that you don't like being touched. And if he deflects, have your DH talk to him.

[ilikedonuts]

I wouldn't even try to be polite. Your FIL is being gross and inappropriate. i can't believe your husband didn't say anything.

I would have been like "um.... why are you touching? don't!"

[Deleted]

No one has ever tried to touch my belly. I would just be straightforward.

[livinitup]

This didn't happen to me, so while I think I am a generally warm person, I think I also gave out a "No Touch" vibe. So cultivate that. Or at least allow yourself a "fuck off- I'm PG - vibe". Either would work.

Anyway, Belly Rub =/= Long rub into the small of my back. Obviously.

Give way to your instinct to flinch and jump back. Harshly.

Really.

[fbf2006]

It does seem a littl weird when men do it. I personally don't think it's weird when friends and family members do so.

[rikki]

You could buy this shirt!

[Deleted]

My mom was touching my belly when I was like 6 weeks along this time. I was like "The baby isn't there. That is my intestines." Of course, that only works if you're under 20ish weeks or so and your ute is still below the belly button area where people are most likely to touch.

Generally I just say "Please don't touch me."

[7costanza]

Thanks for all the advice! It's not that he has bad intentions or anything, he is just generally very clueless about appropriate social norms. Still really gross though. I think a lot of you are right that I just need to be direct.

I don't think my H saw the rub, it was just as we walked in to a big family event and a bunch of people were greeting us, hugging, etc. I definitely let him know and he will hopefully provide backup if it happens in the future.

[7costanza]

And lol at that shirt!

[Deleted]

Since it's your FIL and you don't want to make waves, I would give him a MOMENT of rubbing then say "alright that's enough." If he doesn't stop, then firmly remove his hands. He probably won't like you touching him either.

[isabel]

rikki, that shirt is awesome!

[ECB]

If for some reason he actually gets his hand on you again, I'd actually have NO problem grabbing it and pulling it away and saying "There- you touched my belly. That's more than enough."

[arch01]

I had people ask and I always said that if you didn't have anything to do with the baby getting there, then you weren't allowed to touch. I got a few laughs and a few WTF faces. I had a couple others just reach out and touch-I would turn away and tell them I'd appreciate it if they did not do that. One CW told me I was being a bitch about it-I told her that I don't go around touching other people's bellies, so just because mine is getting bigger and housing a tiny human doesn't give anyone the right to violate my personal space.

[vanillacourage]

I would grab his hand and say "whoa there cowboy!" and move away - be light-ish about it the first time and hope he takes the hint.

[halfpint]

I told a co-worker I feel really sensitive to touch, and would rather not when she went in for a rub. It seemed to work, didn't make her feel like I'd be repulsed by her touch, but still got the message across.

Thankfully no one else but H has gone in for it.

[Deleted]

My stomach was super sensitive to touch or pressure while I was pregnant. If you want to get him away without offending, you can try reeling him that you're very sensitive and touching it hurts.

[MadamePresident]

When I was farther along I would let people touch where I felt baby movement. So I would let them touch by grabbing their wrist and putting their hand where they could feel the baby. That worked well for me and I was able to control the touching.