Quitting to SAH

[ladygrey]

I am 90% sure I will not be returning to work after the baby is born. Last week I met with our HR director to discuss FMLA and posed this as a hypothetical question. She encouraged me to not give notice until I was already out on ML (her exact words were "don't burn that bridge before you are absolutely sure"), which was surprising and a huge relief, since that has been my plan all along. My ML will be paid out of my earned PTO, so I would not be liable to pay anything back to the company if I quit.

FWIW, we are currently on my health insurance, so I want to keep that through delivery and shortly after. We would switch over to DH's insurance when I give my notice. I plan to work until my due date, then take 10 weeks of leave, and would give notice after the first month out.

Has anyone successfully navigated these waters? @supergreen - I thought you were in a similar situation, correct? I know this is a very controversial subject (and am prepared to be flamed for my decision) but would appreciate any advice I can get.

[cinco]

I didn't go back to work after my second. I discussed it with my boss before I went out on my maternity leave (PTO and STD). He was glad I gave him the heads up, but did not think I should do anything formal until my STD was up. They did offer me a part time or a work from home position, which was tempting, but ultimately not the right decision for my family. Be prepared for them to give these options. I didn't have to pay anything back. I was already on my H's insurance, so I can't help with that aspect.

[Deleted]

It seems to be an unpopular opinion when it is posted but I would not tell them my plans until near the end of my leave if I were you. You may change your mind or your financial circumstances may change. It's much easier to return than to unquit a job. Just my opinion.

[MadamePresident]

I was in the exact situation as you back in December. You should have no trouble switching to your husbands insurance as long as you have documentation stating your last day of coverage under your old company.

For what its worth. I am still on good terms with all my old managers. They knew I was considering not returning and I was a good employee for 6 1/2 years.

[UnderProtest]

I'll bite since I already outed myself. I went out on maternity leave and did not tell my bosses that I was not returning. I took the 3 months paid leave and then an additional 3 months unpaid leave in order to get an annual bonus. During the unpaid leave, I had to send checks in to cover my employee portion of health insurance since they no longer had a paycheck to deduct it from. When I gave notice, I switched to my husband's insurance. Legally my boss was not allowed to ask me if I was returning, but he was not surprised when I gave my notice. While I did have a little guilt, I was told by two different people (upper management) that I did the right thing. I even had a friend at the same company give her notice during paid leave and her boss (high level executive) told her she should take unpaid leave in order to get her bonus. I would have been more upfront with my bosses had I trusted the ones that I was working for when I went on leave (there were major layoffs a couple weeks before I went on leave and who I reported to was all up in the air). Let me know if you have any questions.

[halfpint]

I think as long as you give what would normally be appropriate notice, you're fine. You did due diligence by asking HR, and she's right - don't burn that bridge. You may change your mind after 10 weeks off, stranger things have happened!

The only way I would flame you is if you swore up and down to your employer that you totally planned on returning, really led them to believe you had every intention of coming back, and then pulled the rug out the day before you were supposed to come back.

[ladygrey]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I have not made any promises to work yet and when asked directly about my plans post-ML, I been pretty vague and said that I just don't know yet. I just feel like I have seen people raked over the coals for quitting while on ML.

@notquiteblushing and halfpint, I agree with your reasoning that it's best to not try and unquit a job (is that even possible?).

[vanillacourage]

If someone tells me they "just don't know yet" what their plans are after ML, I automatically assume that they are not returning.  I agree with PP, as long as you're not being overtly deceitful I think it's fine.  I mean, heck, you literally told your HR department what your plan is.

[MrsDarcy]

I went out on ML fully intending to come back. About halfway through we determined that we could swing it financially for me to stay at home. I called my boss right away an proposed a work from home option, but they didn't accept that. I knew that if they did not accept that I would quit. I offered to come back to work a notice if they needed me to, but she said I didn't have to. I was concerned I might have to pay back STD I collected for two weeks, but I did not. This obviously varies by company.

To your situation, I would not quit until you are absolutely sure. Especially with your HR's approval!

[Deleted]

Checking in from your tag ladygrey. My situation was different, I knew before I got PG that I was going to quit to be a SAHM. I was beyond 100% sure, DH and I had been working toward that goal for almost 2 years. I told work at 16 weeks that I was PG, and that I would be quitting shortly before the baby was born.

I'm going to be the lone voice of dissent here.  IMHO, maternity leave is a benefit for mothers who are returning to work.  If you are truly on the fence about returning, I think you should be upfront with your employer about that, so they know there is a real chance you won't be coming back.  If you're 90% sure you're not coming back, then I think it's wrong to give your employer the impression that you're returning by taking ML.  It's maternity leave, KWIM? Like a leave of absence to have a baby, then come back.

I see that your HR person encouraged you to take ML, but I bet she is also expecting you to return.  I think you *would* burn the bridge by taking ML and not returning. You'd be leaving your company in the lurch, as they would be holding your position for you, and finding someone to cover your work while on leave.

That being said, I agree with @msstarry though, you would be "looking out" for a company who probably wouldn't think twice about laying you off while on ML if it suited them. But even though I knew my company didn't give a crap about me, it felt wrong to take a benefit for returning workers when I was sure I would NOT be returning.  So I chose to quit.  I think my boss respected that.  She'd didn't have 10 weeks of "will I or won't I need to replace SuperGreen" hanging over her.  And I didn't have the guilt of taking a benefit that I didn't feel right about.  Yeah that makes me honest to a fault I know, but that's just how I am I guess.