WWYD? Newly transgender cousin

[shevacc]

I just found out today that my cousin N.ick is transgendered and wants to henceforth be known as Sar.ah. He'll (she'll? I'll stick with male pronouns for clarity -- gah! So confusing) be undergoing hormone therapy, etc. I'm not really sure what that entails? He just came out to the family, my uncle told my dad, and my dad told me.

I know he'd been struggling with getting his life in order for a long time and had moved numerous times trying out a bunch of different jobs. I hadn't seen him in years (like 10+) before October when he was in town and stopped by for dinner. He seemed much happier then, had lost a ton of weight, and was much more like the smart, funny kid I remembered from childhood than the possibly depressed teen/young adult. He said nothing to me about gender at the time. I was just happy that he seemed to finally be settling down.

Anyway, I'm really and truly happy for him and hope he's finally happy in his own skin. BUT! I have no idea what to say. My family is very socially conservative (Italian/Catholic heritage) and I want him to know I accept him however he calls/sees himself. Any suggestions? I'm still hung up on pronouns and don't want to say the wrong thing and have him disappear for 10 more years...

[monkeybabe]

Just treat to him like he's the person you know and love.

[lauranicole91]

I always struggle to find the right words in important situations like this.

But I just wanted to throw in, that I'm glad he is finding himself and is happy.

Maybe just call him and tell him you love him and you fully support anything he does that makes him happy. And just strike up regular conversation to show it "ain't no thang". If that makes sense.

[monkeybabe]

I'll add that I have a transgender friend and she just wants people to treat her like a person. Yeah, it took a while to remember that she's a she, but it obviously makes her so much happier.

[tuck]

I think the best thing you can do is just come out with it. She's going to have lots of explaining of pronouns and whatnot to do for the rest of her life, and I'm sure she won't mind getting started with family.

Tell your cousin how happy you are that she's obviously much happier now, and you want to be as supportive as possible. Just let her know that this is something you've never experienced before, and you need some guidance on how she wants to be addressed. Let her know that any awkwardness is out of ignorance and not malice, and you'll be fine. =D

[shevacc]

Thank you everyone for your wise words, and particularly monkeybabe for your experience. I'll reach out to *her* with love and ask for guidance.

[Deleted]

I would tell her what you just told us....that you are truly happy that she is finally happy in her own skin and that you are there for her. That's all she probably wants.

[christidee]

I would probably just tell her that you are happy for her. If that comes off as an honest and genuine comment, which it will, she will know that you support her. She will know that she can talk to you.

[bleubook]

I believe it's preferred to use pronouns that correspond with the chosen sexual identity rather than the genetic one.

[Regina Philange]

Mar 14, 2013 7:35:23 GMT -5 christidee said:

I would probably just tell her that you are happy for her. If that comes off as an honest and genuine comment, which it will, she will know that you support her. She will know that she can talk to you.

Pretty much these are my thoughts too.

[dojo]

I think the best way to show that you love and accept him is to be open with him about your lack of knowledge on the subject and ask him if he would be ok answering some questions you have so that you can treat him as he would like to be treated. If he wants to be called Sarah, I'm guessing he would also prefer female pronouns, but that's something you might wish to discuss with your cousin. I think it's tremendous that your cousin has been able to come out in your more conservative family. That certainly takes some courage. I would just want to make as easy on him as possible.