Do you find this selfish?

[formerlyllizzyb]

So, we're setting up a college savings account for grandparents to contribute to. DH's parents go completely overboard with gifts (they may have spent $1000 on DS at Christmas) and I know they'll probably spend $500 or so for his birthday. When asked for a wish list for him, I've provided a list, but also indicated we would really appreciate savings contributions. Not in lieu of gifts, but as part of the list.

I know they won't listen to us and will just spend an obscene amount on toys because they want the joy of giving him toys. This just gets me all worked up. He's one. One. He doesn't know the difference in 2 toys and 10 toys. I get that it's their choice, but I can't imagine not giving towards my grandchild's education.

We aren't depending on anyone else to fund college by any means, it's just more of the principle of the matter.

I won't ever say anything, because this is not worth the conflict. I just find it somewhat selfish of them to put their own wants and DS's temporary happiness ahead of the future. Why not spend $300 on gifts and put $200 toward savings, ya know?

[Regina Philange]

Well i think its a slippery slope. I wouldnt call them selfish just because they want to spoil their grandchildern. Spending $500 is a shit ton and i would say, "Yo hey Grandparents, please dont spend that much its not necessary."

Just keep the reciepts of the toys that are given, and then you can reuse for something that is really needed. I dont think saying that you just want money is going to help things. I think its cute that they want to shower G with presents and see the joy it brings when the presents are opened.

[EmmieB1025]

I think you should talk to them about this and explain how you feel. I did with my parents and it worked out. I feel like all they can say is no.

My parents bought E two gifts at Christmas, put a few things in his stocking, and then gave us money for his college account because they realized that he didn't want or need anything now.

We've already discussed his birthday and they are getting him some sort of outside toy and giving us money again. My sisters are also getting him something small like a ball or bubbles and giving us money. E will never miss gifts or no any different now.

[formerlyllizzyb]

Mar 14, 2013 8:08:19 GMT -5 Regina Philange said:

Well i think its a slippery slope. I wouldnt call them selfish just because they want to spoil their grandchildern. Spending $500 is a shit ton and i would say, "Yo hey Grandparents, please dont spend that much its not necessary."

Just keep the reciepts of the toys that are given, and then you can reuse for something that is really needed. I dont think saying that you just want money is going to help things. I think its cute that they want to shower G with presents and see the joy it brings when the presents are opened.

Oh, I won't say anything. We've already both told them not to spend that much, but it goes in one ear and put the other. And we didn't say we just want money...we included savings contributions as part of the requested wish list.

Trust me, I get that it's a shit ton of money we're grateful they want to be involved, giving grandparents. They're lovely prople. It's just different from what my parents do ( place priority on the future) and different from what I envision myself doing as a grand.

[formerlyllizzyb]

Mar 14, 2013 8:16:50 GMT -5 @pcloadletter said:

I'd just flat out tell them you do not have the space for that much stuff. You appreciate their generosity, but can't house it all and it would be much more useful and beneficial for them to putmoney in his college fund.

I neglected to mention MIL watches DS two days a week at our house.

I did decide that if they choose not to listen to our preferences, we can choose not to keep all the toys.

[Deleted]

Well, I can honestly say any conversation where you presume to tell others how to spend their money isn't going to end well. On principle, I understand your frustration, but it is their prerogative to spend their money how and when they wish to, and they obviously don't care how anyone feels on the matter. You might do better talking up how much it means to you to have that money saved for the future and constantly prioritize your saving into that account when money or holidays is brought up. "We are getting DS a ball popper and a few pairs of new jeans for his birthday, but we're contributing the rest to his college savings plan." Just keep reiterating how important it is to you and it may catch on and it may not.

[dixeedeluxe]

Mar 14, 2013 8:18:39 GMT -5 formerlyllizzyb said:

Mar 14, 2013 8:16:50 GMT -5 @pcloadletter said:

I'd just flat out tell them you do not have the space for that much stuff. You appreciate their generosity, but can't house it all and it would be much more useful and beneficial for them to putmoney in his college fund.

I neglected to mention MIL watches DS two days a week at our house.

I did decide that if they choose not to listen to our preferences, we can choose not to keep all the toys.

Yeah, just tell your DH to tell them that if they go overboard, that is not supporting the values you are trying to teach.  And that any toys that go over the limits set will be donated (not returned because that can counteract your argument about "going overboard" in value).