Introvert housing

[Deleted]

Anyone else read the book "Quiet"?  I picked it up for airplane reading yesterday, but it is really speaking to me (and making me feel less bad about "living" and opening up online more than I ever do IRL).  It's about the glorification of extroversion in American society.  Anyway, there was a section about introverts shying away from modern, open floor planning (especially discusses offices, mentions residential in passing).  That totally clicked with me!  I have always thought open floor plans were just awful and couldn't understand why anyone would want one.  If DH or I were anymore introverted than we already are, we'd probably just be living in adjacent (but separate) root cellars LOL.  That might be one of the reasons I hate them so much.  And I thought it might be one of the reasons those floor plans are so popular in America; the book asserts we are a nation heavy on extroverts, compared to much of the rest of the world, with introverted Americans trying to be (or at least pretending to be) extroverted.  I know we talked about personality type here the other day and there were other introverts.  Anyone else think there's a correlation or that your introversion (or extroversion) guides your housing decisions?  

[Deleted]

I'm only halfway through the book, but on a related note, the author explained my childhood to a T. I even talked about it with my mother, the ultimate extrovert, today, and she used almost the same language the book described people using regarding their introverted children in American society. "I worried about you." "I thought you were really missing out because you only had one or two friends." "You were only interested in things like piano lessons where you could work alone; I tried to put you in group activities like dance and gymnastics, and you hated it." It was sort of uncanny.

ETA: Another fun tidbit from my mother-of-the-year (totally TIC, she was a wonderful mother): my favorite activity from 2 or so on was reading or just hanging out in the dryer.  But, she adds: no matter how much I insisted, she would not close the dryer door.  Warm, small, dark place, mmmmm.

[stephm0188]

This makes a lot of sense to me. Both my husband and I are homebodies and content to be on our own, even in social situations. We have to make an effort to spend time together when we're home.

Anyhow, our last house was an open floor plan. He bought it when he was single. I haaaaated that house with a passion. There was no where to go. The family room had vaulted ceilings, and you couldn't put a bookcase or artwork anywhere because it was so open.

Our current house is double the size, but it's a much more traditional floorplan. I'm currently curled up in my favorite chair in the formal living room. Every room is its own defined room and none of them are open to one another, but there is still good flow. I love this house.

[Deleted]

Yes! I grew up in an open concept. "Nowhere to go" is a good description. I guess that's why I was spending all my free time in the dryer. They need to make adult-sized dryers for adult introverts stuck in an open plan LOL. I might prefer an adult-sized dryer at work (with a door I could close myself, of course) to the cubicle I have.

[goaskalice]

I read a similar book, only because "Quiet" wasn't at my library. It did make me feel so good to know I'm not alone. I grew up in a traditional house, no open concept. I loved it because there was always somewhere to escape to. This makes so much sense to me.

[IIOY]

I read this book and thought it made some interesting points. The floor plan issue didn't click with me as much as other parts, but it was comforting to learn that I have never been anti-social, as I assumed, just introverted.

Actually I always thought of myself as a "failed extrovert," and in reality, I'm probably more of an ambivert, because I can turn on the extroverted part of my personally for short periods, such as when I go to a party, but it completely exhausts me and I need quiet time afterward.

[prazenjc]

this is fascinating to me. i'm a closet shy person (most people don't believe me). when i was younger i was always shy, stayed in the the background, etc. but starting in high school, i was equipped a little more to be less shy. in college it was like i broke out into a different person. these people didn't know me from my youth (i grew up in rural/small town america--so everyone always knew you and your history). anyway, there isn't anyone at college or beyond that would ever agree to the descriptive of shy or introverted to apply to me. needless to say i think i was shy but not really introverted.

i'm very outgoing and fairly outspoken in my circle of friends and at work. not obnoxious, but definitely not introverted or shy. i prefer being around people, but still don't like the spotlight, with the exception of just being recognized for a job well done.

what is funny, is that i almost tend to be more of my introverted self here. oh, i post and share my opinions, etc. but not as much as many others. and i don't actively engage in anything that is controversial on here, except when it appears that the majority agree with me. if they don't, if i say anything opposing the majority, i choose my words carefully.

i think i'm going to look for this book and read it.....

[Deleted]

Mar 16, 2013 5:13:36 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I read this book and thought it made some interesting points. The floor plan issue didn't click with me as much as other parts, but it was comforting to learn that I have never been anti-social, as I assumed, just introverted.

Actually I always thought of myself as a "failed extrovert," and in reality, I'm probably more of an ambivert, because I can turn on the extroverted part of my personally for short periods, such as when I go to a party, but it completely exhausts me and I need quiet time afterward.

She is making some new connections for me about why I seem so out-of-step with the rest of the world most of the time (or out of step with our society, which passes for the world for me).  A lot of this stuff I'd never thought about being related to introversion either.  I probably just haven't read enough on the topic.  I might pick up a few more books.  I do believe I have a healthy splash of misanthrope swirling around in there too, so it's probably not introversion alone.

Sounds more like you are in the able-to-pretend-to-be-an-extrovert-for-a-while camp rather than an ambivert?  I can mimic it too, but it took me a long time to learn.  And I can't do it often or for long.

[boiler717]

That's interesting! We have a big open great room, but I'm not using it as our family room. We mad our family room a smaller room off the kitchen (sunroom but almost like a hearth room). I hate the idea of curling up to watch TV in a big giant room.

I'm an outgoing introvert. I can do the whole people song and dance stuff and fake it really well, and then I have to come home and shut myself in a room for a day.

[IIOY]

Mar 16, 2013 8:26:14 GMT -5 @juno said:

Mar 16, 2013 5:13:36 GMT -5 IIOY said:

I read this book and thought it made some interesting points. The floor plan issue didn't click with me as much as other parts, but it was comforting to learn that I have never been anti-social, as I assumed, just introverted.

Actually I always thought of myself as a "failed extrovert," and in reality, I'm probably more of an ambivert, because I can turn on the extroverted part of my personally for short periods, such as when I go to a party, but it completely exhausts me and I need quiet time afterward.

She is making some new connections for me about why I seem so out-of-step with the rest of the world most of the time (or out of step with our society, which passes for the world for me).  A lot of this stuff I'd never thought about being related to introversion either.  I probably just haven't read enough on the topic.  I might pick up a few more books.  I do believe I have a healthy splash of misanthrope swirling around in there too, so it's probably not introversion alone.

Sounds more like you are in the able-to-pretend-to-be-an-extrovert-for-a-while camp rather than an ambivert?  I can mimic it too, but it took me a long time to learn.  And I can't do it often or for long.

It actually sounds as though we are very similar! The ambiversion/fake extroversion/whatever it is comes somewhat easily to me but I run out of gas quickly. And yes, there is no question that I have some misanthropy in me, LOL.

I am finding that the older I get, the more introverted I am becoming, although I wonder how much of this evolution is actually the result of having young children who constantly pester me, thus driving up my need for a people-free zone.

[candreco]

Has anyone else done Meyers-Briggs personality typing? The first indicator is extrovert vs. introvert, and the idea is that intros and extros are equally "functional" in group situations, but the introvert will process internally, where the extrovert needs feedback from the group to work out their thoughts. Basically, the result is the same, but since the extrovert appears more engaged, that behavior tends to be seen as more valuable. My immediate supervisor and I have done a couple of trainings on this, and it's been interesting to see results when we discuss something at a meeting, and then request further feedback via email later in the day- everyone gets their turn even if they didn't seem as involved in person.

We're both introverts, so we really like this approach. The psychology of it all is fascinating.

[pitterwoo]

Quiet is on my Amazon wishlist. I don't know when I'll get around to reading it, but maybe a will bump it up since it sounds like it's really making you think.

I've always been a guilty introvert. Always wishing that I was more social. I still often complain about not having friends, but of course I have no desire to do any of the things that getting friends requires. That's why I enjoy message boards so much. We can cut right to the chase of talking about things that interest me and get feedback without having to go to the trouble of getting to know people first.

I've worked really hard at learning to fake it. I had to learn some skills for work because I need to attend a lot of meetings and develop rapport. I have definitely made improvements because in my younger years I was constantly being accused of being snobby. I'm sure I was being quiet and didn't get involved in all the silly reindeer games but I'm sure it came off as superior acting. I never get any feedback suggesting I'm cold or unapproachable now.

I've never lived in an open floorplan home. I don't find them appealing usually, but I never connected that to introversion, but it does make sense. I love smaller homes and little rooms and nooks. Not the dryer, personally, but I can see it

H is very introverted as well. He's totally content with it though, unlike me. He hates his family's open floorplan house.

[Deleted]

Mar 16, 2013 10:22:43 GMT -5 candreco said:

Has anyone else done Meyers-Briggs personality typing? The first indicator is extrovert vs. introvert, and the idea is that intros and extros are equally "functional" in group situations, but the introvert will process internally, where the extrovert needs feedback from the group to work out their thoughts. Basically, the result is the same, but since the extrovert appears more engaged, that behavior tends to be seen as more valuable. My immediate supervisor and I have done a couple of trainings on this, and it's been interesting to see results when we discuss something at a meeting, and then request further feedback via email later in the day- everyone gets their turn even if they didn't seem as involved in person.

We're both introverts, so we really like this approach. The psychology of it all is fascinating.

She does talk about this and how it is a very Western approach in business and education.  She ties it in with risk-taking on Wall Street and our tendency to ignore introverts and their naturally cautious natures.  And with schooling that has moved to group projects and pod setups.  I've never really visited outside of Western cultures, but she says it's less like that elsewhere.  Lots of stuff to think about.

[TBM]

I come from a long line of introverts who are quite functional in social and work situations. We all overcompensate in some way though. We all tend to take charge and some of us cope by talking a lot and appearing quite extroverted. We are all quite happy to live in our own little worlds and spend most of our time at home, doing our own thing.

I am a talker. I am also a quiet thinker, and often times, I am a talking-while-I-think kind of person, which confuses the heck out of people.

I call our new house "the fortress". I love the appearance of being open, with all of the privacy the place offers. All of the rooms are off of hallways, and only the hall, the kitchen and the master bedroom are truly open to view from the courtyard. It's the best of both worlds. We can invite people to visit us in our little world or we can keep them out.lol

[hbomdiggity]

Mar 16, 2013 10:22:43 GMT -5 candreco said:

Has anyone else done Meyers-Briggs personality typing? The first indicator is extrovert vs. introvert, and the idea is that intros and extros are equally "functional" in group situations, but the introvert will process internally, where the extrovert needs feedback from the group to work out their thoughts. Basically, the result is the same, but since the extrovert appears more engaged, that behavior tends to be seen as more valuable. My immediate supervisor and I have done a couple of trainings on this, and it's been interesting to see results when we discuss something at a meeting, and then request further feedback via email later in the day- everyone gets their turn even if they didn't seem as involved in person.

We're both introverts, so we really like this approach. The psychology of it all is fascinating.

DH has done a ton of M-B training at work as well and it really has helped him understand his coworkers.

I am an introvert to a T, but I actually prefer open concept. I don't want a ton of people in my home, but I don't like to be in small spaces.

[Deleted]

SBP, I do think it would probably be a good book for an extroverted person trying to live with, or especially raise, an introverted person. Or really any parent. Even if she's not right about everything, it's good stuff to think about rather than automatically labeling quiet people/children as having a problem.

[pitterwoo]

Mar 16, 2013 13:42:24 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

I'm married to an introvert and have been meaning to pick up this book for a while.  I think I first heard of it on NPR or something and thought the idea was fascinating - that there's a difference between introversion and shyness and that there's a value in introversion.  I need to read the book.  But I hadn't heard the stuff on open floor concepts and that's really interesting to me.  I'm an extrovert, but I HATE open floor concepts because they feel undefined and chaotic to me. Plus they're hard to decorate. This is probably my Type-A personality at work.  DH hates them too because they carry noise.  That's probably his introversion at work.  Interesting.

I also used to think shyness was the same as introversion until I realized that I just didn't want to interact and join things- not that I was afraid to.  The second part- that there's value in it made me laugh because that seems like such as extroverted thing to say!  I always have plenty going on in my head whether or not I'm sharing it.

[Deleted]

.

[peachdragon]

Interesting. I've downloaded the book to read, and I can't wait. I've always been introverted. I was always drawn to a closed floor plan but now I'm more interested in more open plans. At least the kitchen, dining and family areas. I like a separate office though. I wonder if I've become more extroverted. I do enjoy being with other people and like to feel connected to my family so the open plan appeals to me for that reason. But I need my alone time to regroup.

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[heygrey]

Need to read this! Sounds fascinating.

I've walkways considered myself an introvert because once upon a time I read something that separated people into either category based on how they "recharge". Does being in a big, loud group give you energy (extrovert) or do you need quiet time alone to feel like your best (introvert). I can do the people thing, work a room, and do it very well, but I'm exhausted when its over and I just want some time alone.

All that said, I like floor plans where the living room, dining room and kitchen are open, but the bedrooms and bathroom are separated either by floors or off in another wing. I hate layouts where there is a bedroom door right off a living room. Not nearly enough privacy or space if I want to go to seclude myself in my (our) bedroom.

[Deleted]

Ha, her TED talk about her entire family reading, separately, as a family activity jogged a memory for me. My entire childhood, I mostly remember my dad, the ultimate introvert, alone in his teeny tiny bathroom (there's just enough free floor space to allow the door to open into the bathroom), sitting on the lid-down toilet, reading a book. So I was holed up in the dryer, and my dad was hiding in the bathroom. That's just so funny to me now. The result of my extrovert mother designing our house I guess. Now that my sister and I are gone, he took one of our bedrooms and made himself an office.

[sillygoosegirl]

I am an introvert, but I like an open floor plan. I like to be able to see, hear, and know what is going on elsewhere in the house without actually needing to be there participating in it.

I also like to be able to move all the furniture out of the way and have a giant space to dance with DH. But that's neither here nor there.